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Related Post: Anatta and Post-Anatta, MMK, etc


    These are my reflections since the realization of no-self.
    The insight has been stable, but I've been experiencing a lot of energy imbalances since then. (I was only sleeping about 3 hours a night contemplating on emptiness before annata, and a 2-3 days afterwards before settling back to 6-7h, then back to 4h, etc. I've been getting up in the middle of the night, and would have to just walk and walk to let go of energy.)
    What actually brought me back to AtR approx 2 months ago was the article on pain that I stumbled on, and I initially wrote to Soh about that. I think it has very much to do with severe energy imbalances, and I have been experiencing zen sickness for several years. I will have to write about that later... but it is simply with tremendous serendipity that everything unfolded as it did.
    > 1. If everything is me, then the sense of "me" must also dissapear at that moment of experience. Otherwise one must mature the experience into no-mind and then anatta as an insight.
    2. If later it is realized that there is no me/self/Self as an insight and experience (anatta), then one must refine the view and question how does the sense of me/self/Self arise in the first place?
    On the two stanzas above, I do not know exactly what Thusness intended, this is just my experience and reaction.
    Upon first reading, I actually interpreted them as 2 separate stanzas, but in retrospect they function perfectly together, like two pincers of a claw.
    ***
    The first stanza immediately started to trigger something... "if everything is me" is sounding off, like "I-am-everything", almost Advaitic sounding...Brahman-is-all. I will have to address this point in another post.
    "one must refine the view and question, how does the sense of "me" arise in the first place?". At this moment, I feel rising tension and dissonance in me. Now, the two stanzas together form a koan, not mere questions, but inquiry.
    Insight into annata was sudden, not due to reasoning, instigated by Thusness’ praxis, not due to any kind of deliberate process, analytical, dialectical or otherwise. This is all just my unpacking and reflection from that event.
    ***
    Recently, I had been meditating on emptiness and DO. The thrust of the deconstruction was simple: unburdened by substance-view, I no longer interpreted forms as arising to some background awareness, rather all forms are empty, and they co-arise dependently.
    I had also been contemplating about the meaning of non-arising - and why something like even impermanence is not real (for what does not exist cannot come into being, nor be extinguished, it can neither be said to arise, nor pass away, but it can be conventionally understood to arise and pass away)
    >>> The stanza, "how did it arise?" drove the concepts of emptiness and DO back onto the experience of a "me", and at the moment of insight, I realized right then and there that I had unconsciously been identified with certain thoughts and sensations - that were also empty of an inherent self, and were also dependently originating.
    That is, these thoughts never arose except as dependently arising based on conditions. There was never an "I" that ever arose! It was always already so!
    It does not matter what arises - thoughts and sensations can no more produce a self “on its own side” anymore than visual phenomena of shifting green shapes can produce an inherently existing tree.
    I cannot begin to tell you how freeing it was.
    ***
    I realize now that part of the growing dissonance was between my actual daily experience and substance-view, which was the conceptual framework from which I interpreted that experience.
    I find that emptiness and DO is actually a very accurate description of what is always being experienced. It resonates very strongly with me now.
    Those samsaric thoughts and feelings that arose - I no longer had to get rid of them! They were just dependently arising - at no point is there a 'self' you need to eradicate or perfect. It simply doesn't exist.
    That is the seal of annata - it is always, already so.
    The core of what had felt like an energetic knot suddenly released - like a massive thorn had been removed. The energetic body is still sore - the scar tissue that surrounded the thorn remains, and is healing, but the thorn has been removed.
    This is part one.
    I will have to write more on the experience of no-self - experiencing reality without the subject-object split, and all the parts that I got hung up on earlier.

    5 Comments


  • Soh Wei Yu
    Admin
    JT: Just relax and do nothing for a week unless he knows how to balance his energy imbalance.
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    • 1h

  • Soh Wei Yu
    Admin
    JT:
    Anatta is like activating a new sense -- a new direct non-conceptual perception. Being direct and non-conceptual also opening up one's flow of energies, being in touch with aliveness so natural openness allowing free flowing is important.
    Feel sensation of walking, flowing pulsating of our palms and relax, don't think first.
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    • 1h

  • Soh Wei Yu
    Admin
    I will post your writing to atr blog if thats alright
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    • 1h

    William Kong
    Author
    Yes, feel free to use my name.
    In the past, I had tried to talk about this to some people, and it did not always have positive reactions ... but Angelo Grr's interview was just so ...open and candid, it was inspiring.
    I think culturally, in last 10 years, we've shifted so dramatically that talking about consciousness is not so much a faux pas. AtR is the first time I've written about this on any forum.
    I cannot deny that other people's writings have helped me immensely ... the journey had been so...difficult and painful, and if even one person can benefit then it's worth it.
    Reality is ever so splendid, beautiful and radiant.
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    • 48m

  • Soh Wei Yu
    Admin
    Yes having the right community to talk with is great. There will always be some that resonate and some that do not. I like Angelo’s interview and pointers too.
    The first person Buddha talked with just shook his head in disbelief. But then he surveyed and saw some people he knew would be open and receptive. Eventually thousands of those he met and taught awakened. He also told his awakened disciples to spread the message. “Go forth for the good of the many, for the happiness of the many, out of compassion for the world, for the welfare, the good and the happiness of gods and men. Let no two of you go in the same direction. Teach the Dharma which is beautiful in the beginning, beautiful in the middle and beautiful at the end. Proclaim both the letter and the spirit of the holy life completely fulfilled and perfectly pure.[ N1 ]”
    Like Angelo, I think awakening is heading in a direction where it is becoming mainstream.
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  •  William Kong:


    Hi Soh, Please accept my sincerest gratitude to your effort and commitment to making AtR freely available. Please extend my heartfelt thanks to Thusness as well. He says he does not consider himself a teacher, but I think he’s been a terrific teacher to many. His intuition and insight into my situation was incredibly harp. I did not expect how things would unfold so quickly after being stuck for years.
    🙏
    *incredibly sharp
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