Someone asked:

  1. While you use the words 'formless' and 'form', the descriptions of anatta suggest to me that, indeed, all there is is form, although that form is nondual, as in, it is only ever one compound form which is always in constant transience -- and 'formless' would be merely another thought. Would you agree with this characterization?



Soh replied:


Do read these excerpts and I trust you will understand:

In Buddhism we talk about six senses. In addition to the five senses accepted in science, in Buddhism we talk about Mind. Mind includes what we call thoughts, concepts, images, but there is also the subtlest thought, some call it subtle clear light, and so on. It is the subtlest aspect of thought that is described as ‘beyond thought’ (except after anatta one no longer conceives of a ‘beyond’), but is what John Tan calls a non conceptual thought, just luminous thought, that is described as a pure sense of beingness or presence or existence. This pure sense of existence is then described as formless, etc. However, it is incorrectly reified into something ultimate and unchanging and independent and so on. In truth it is just another manifestation that is momentary and part of the transient stream of vivid happenings and manifestations.


About formless… Here are some quotations from the ATR Guide (longer edition): 


https://app.box.com/file/461352627518?s=157eqgiosuw6xqvs00ibdkmc0r3mu8jg




“The direct realization of Mind is formless, soundless, smell-less, odourless, etc. But later on it is realised that forms, smells, odours, are Mind, are Presence, Luminosity. Without deeper realisation, one just stagnates in the I AM level and get fixated on the formless, etc. That is Thusness Stage 1.

The I-I or I AM is later realised to be simply one aspect or 'sense gate' or 'door' of pristine consciousness. It is later seen to be not any more special or ultimate than a color, a sound, a sensation, a smell, a touch, a thought, all of which reveals its vibrant aliveness and luminosity. The same taste of I AM is now extended to all senses. Right now you don't feel that, you only authenticated the luminosity of the Mind/thought door. So your emphasis is on the formless, odourless, and so on. After anatta it is different, everything is of the same luminous, empty taste.

And the 'I AM' of the mind door is not any more different than any other sense door, it is only different in that it is a 'different' manifestation of differing conditions just like a sound is different from a sight, a smell is different from a touch. Sure, the Mind door is odourless, but that's not any different from saying the vision door is odourless and the sound door is sensationless. It doesn't imply some sort of hierarchy or ultimacy of one mode of knowingness over another. They are simply different sense gates but equally luminous and empty, equally Buddha-nature.” – Soh, 2020



….



Soh also wrote that from the perspective of anatta, “Presence is just appearance (however it will not be seen as such prior to anatta realization, instead it will be seen as very Absolute and Ultimate and distinguished from other transient appearances due to immaturity of insight). The so called formless is really another appearance, another manifestation, not any different from the appearance of a color, a sound. A sound is not a sight, but a sound is a manifestation, an appearance. A sight is not a sound, but a sight is a manifestation, an appearance. A sensations is not a sound, but it is manifestation, appearance. The I AM is likewise just another appearance, it is of the Mind door and therefore you say it is not a sight, not a sound. That I AM or Mind (pure sense of formless Presence-Awareness even when five senses are shut) is formless because it is not visually seen nor auditorily heard (because it is the Mind door, not the visual or auditory sense door) but it is still a manifestation. But it is really just another appearance, a manifestation. You do not say Presence allows appearance, for Presence is just appearances in all its diversities. In other words, Presence has not just one particular face but ten thousand faces.”


….


As John Tan also said in 2011:


“John: what is "I AM"

is it a pce? (Soh: PCE = pure consciousness experience, see glossary at the bottom of this document)

is there emotion

is there feeling

is there thought

is there division or complete stillness?

in hearing there is just sound, just this complete, direct clarity of sound!

so what is "I AM"?


Soh Wei Yu: it is the same

just that pure non conceptual thought


John: is there 'being'?


Soh Wei Yu: no, an ultimate identity is created as an afterthought


John: indeed

it is the mis-interpretation after that experience that is causing the confusion

that experience itself is pure conscious experience

there is nothing that is impure

that is why it is a sense of pure existence

it is only mistaken due to the 'wrong view'

so it is a pure conscious experience in thought.

not sound, taste, touch...etc

PCE (Pure Consciousness Experience) is about direct and pure experience of whatever we encounter in sight, sound, taste...

the quality and depth of experience in sound

in contacts

in taste

in scenery

has he truly experience the immense luminous clarity in the senses?

if so, what about 'thought'?

when all senses are shut

the pure sense of existence as it is when the senses are shut.

then with senses open

have a clear understanding

do not compare irrationally without clear understanding”

“...There is nothing underneath everything, in the state of I AM, it is just I AM. The rest of the 5 sense doors are shut. Everything else is excluded. It is called I simply because of the koan, nothing else.

What’s experienced is similar to hearing sound without the sense of hearer. So keep the experience but refine the view.” - John Tan to someone in Awakening to Reality Discussion Group, 2019

http://www.awakeningtoreality.com/.../reality-i-am...

Excerpt: 

[5:24 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: What is the most important experience in I M?

[5:24 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: What must happen in I M?

[5:25 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: There is not even an M, just I... complete stillness, just I correct?

[5:26 PM, 4/24/2020] Soh Wei Yu: Realization, certainty of being.. yes just stillness and doubtless sense of I/Existence

[5:26 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: And what is the complete stillness just I?

[5:26 PM, 4/24/2020] Soh Wei Yu: Just I, just presence itself

[5:28 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: This stillness absorbs excludes and includes everything into just I. What is that experience called?

[5:29 PM, 4/24/2020] Soh Wei Yu: I am everything?

[5:29 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: That experience is non-dual.

[5:30 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: And in that experience actually, there is no external nor internal, there is also no observer or observed.

[5:30 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: Just complete stillness as I.

[5:31 PM, 4/24/2020] Soh Wei Yu: Ic.. yeah even I AM is nondual

[5:31 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: That is ur first phase of a non dual experience.

[5:32 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: We say this is the pure thought experience in stillness

[5:32 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: Thought realm

[5:33 PM, 4/24/2020] John Tan: But at that moment we don't know that...we treated that as ultimate reality.

[5:33 PM, 4/24/2020] Soh Wei Yu: Yeah


In 2007: 


(9:12 PM) Thusness: you don't think that "I AMness" is low stage of enlightenment leh

(9:12 PM) Thusness: the experience is the same. it is just the clarity. In terms of insight. Not experience.

(9:13 PM) AEN: icic..

(9:13 PM) Thusness: so a person that has experience "I AMness" and non dual is the same. except the insight is different.

(9:13 PM) AEN: oic

(9:13 PM) Thusness: non dual is every moment there is the experience of presence. or the insight into the every moment experience of presence. because what that prevent that experience is the illusion of self and "I AM" is that distorted view. the experience is the same leh.

(9:15 PM) Thusness: didn’t you see i always say there is nothing wrong with that experience to longchen, jonls... i only say it is skewed towards the thought realm. so don't differentiate but know what is the problem. I always say it is misinterpretation of the experience of presence. not the experience itself. but "I AMness" prevents us from seeing.


……

“It is not the contemplations that are important, it is the view brought to contemplation that makes the difference. For example, there is no actual difference between the Hindu Nirvikalpa samadhi and Vajropama samadhi in terms of its content, but the fact that one is accompanied by insight and the other is not makes the difference between whether it is mundane or liberative.” – Dzogchen Teacher Acarya Malcolm Smith, 2014

In 2009: 


“(10:49 PM) Thusness:    by the way you know about hokai description and "I AM" is the same experience?

(10:50 PM) AEN:            the watcher right

(10:52 PM) Thusness:    nope. i mean the shingon practice of the body, mind, speech into one.

(10:53 PM) AEN:            oh thats i am experience?

(10:53 PM) Thusness:    yes, except that the object of practice is not based on consciousness. what is meant by foreground? it is the disappearance of the background and whats left is it. similarly the "I AM" is the experience of no background and experiencing consciousness directly. that is why it is just simply "I-I" or "I AM"

(10:57 PM) AEN:            i've heard of the way people describe consciousness as the background consciousness becoming the foreground... so there's only consciousness aware of itself and thats still like I AM experience

(10:57 PM) Thusness:    that is why it is described that way, awareness aware of itself and as itself.

(10:57 PM) AEN:            but you also said I AM people sink to a background?

(10:57 PM) Thusness:    yes

(10:57 PM) AEN:            sinking to background = background becoming foreground?

(10:58 PM) Thusness:    that is why i said it is misunderstood. and we treat that as ultimate.

(10:58 PM) AEN:            icic but what hokai described is also nondual experience rite

(10:58 PM) Thusness:    I have told you many times that the experience is right but the understanding is wrong. that is why it is an insight and opening of the wisdom eyes. there is nothing wrong with the experience of I AM". did i say that there is anything wrong with it?

(10:59 PM) AEN:            nope

(10:59 PM) Thusness:    even in stage 4 what did I say?

(11:00 PM) AEN:            its the same experience except in sound, sight, etc

(11:00 PM) Thusness:    sound as the exact same experience as "I AM"... as presence.

(11:00 PM) AEN:            icic

(11:00 PM) Thusness:    yes”

“"I AM" is a luminous thought in samadhi as I-I.  Anatta is a realization of that in extending the insight to the 6 entries and exits.” – John Tan, 2018


Excerpt from (a must read!) No Awareness Does Not Mean Non-Existence of Awareness http://www.awakeningtoreality.com/2019/01/no-awareness-does-not-mean-non.html :

“2010:


(11:15 PM) Thusness:    but understanding it wrongly is another matter

can you deny Witnessing?

(11:16 PM) Thusness:    can you deny that certainty of being?

(11:16 PM) AEN:    no

(11:16 PM) Thusness:    then there is nothing wrong with it

how could you deny your very own existence?

(11:17 PM) Thusness:    how could you deny existence at all

(11:17 PM) Thusness:    there is nothing wrong experiencing directly without intermediary the pure sense of existence

(11:18 PM) Thusness:    after this direct experience, you should refine your understanding, your view, your insights

(11:19 PM) Thusness:    not after the experience, deviate from the right view, re-enforce your wrong view

(11:19 PM) Thusness:    you do not deny the witness, you refine your insight of it

what is meant by non-dual

(11:19 PM) Thusness:    what is meant by non-conceptual

what is being spontaneous

what is the 'impersonality' aspect

(11:20 PM) Thusness:    what is luminosity.

(11:20 PM) Thusness:    you never experience anything unchanging

(11:21

 PM) Thusness:    in later phase, when you experience non-dual, there is 

still this tendency to focus on a background... and that will prevent ur

 progress into the direct insight into the TATA as described in the tata

 article. ( https://awakeningtoreality.blogspot.com/2010/04/tada.html ) 

(11:22 PM) Thusness:    and there are still different degree of intensity even you realized to that level.

(11:23 PM) AEN:    non dual?

(11:23 PM) Thusness:    tada (an article) is more than non-dual...it is phase 5-7

(11:24 PM) AEN:    oic..

(11:24 PM) Thusness:    it is all about the integration of the insight of anatta and emptiness

(11:25

 PM) Thusness:    vividness into transience, feeling what i called 'the 

texture and fabric' of Awareness as forms is very important

then come emptiness

(11:26 PM) Thusness:    the integration of luminosity and emptiness


(10:45 PM) Thusness:    do not deny that Witnessing but refine the view, that is very important

(10:46 PM) Thusness:    so far, you have correctly emphasized the importance of witnessing

(10:46 PM) Thusness:    unlike in the past, you gave ppl the impression that you are denying this witnessing presence

(10:46 PM) Thusness:    you merely deny the personification, reification and objectification

(10:47 PM) Thusness:    so that you can progress further and realize our empty nature.

but don't always post what i told you in msn

(10:48 PM) Thusness:    in no time, i will become sort of cult leader

(10:48 PM) AEN:    oic.. lol

(10:49 PM) Thusness:    anatta is no ordinary insight.  When we can reach the 

level of thorough transparency, you will realize the benefits

(10:50 PM) Thusness:    non-conceptuality, clarity, luminosity, transparency, 

openness, spaciousness, thoughtlessness, non-locality...all these 

descriptions become quite meaningless.


….


Session Start: Sunday, October 19, 2008


(1:01 PM) Thusness: Yes

(1:01 PM) Thusness: Actually practice is not to deny this 'Jue' (awareness) 


(6:11 PM) Thusness: the way you explained as if 'there is no Awareness'.

(6:11 PM) Thusness: People at times mistaken what you are trying to convey.but to correctly understand this 'jue' so that it can be experienced from all  moments effortlessly.

(1:01 PM) Thusness: But when a  practitioner heard that it is not 'IT', they immediately began to worry  because it is their most precious state.

(1:01 PM) Thusness: All the phases written is about this 'Jue' or Awareness.

(1:01 PM) Thusness: However what Awareness really is isn't correctly experienced.

(1:01PM) Thusness: Because it isn't correctly experienced, we say that 'Awareness that you try to keep' does not exist in such a way.

(1:01 PM) Thusness: It does not mean there is no Awareness.”


……



Do note that John Tan never denied the ‘I AM realization’ but only pointed out that it should be realized to be not an ultimate background. If you have read the Amness article you would have seen this passage:


https://www.awakeningtoreality.com/2007/03/mistaken-reality-of-amness.html


When consciousness experiences the pure sense of “I AM”, overwhelmed by the transcendental thoughtless moment of Beingness, consciousness clings to that experience as its purest identity. By doing so, it subtly creates a ‘watcher’ and fails to see that the ‘Pure Sense of Existence’ is nothing but an aspect of pure consciousness relating to the thought realm. This in turn serves as the karmic condition that prevents the experience of pure consciousness that arises from other sense-objects. Extending it to the other senses, there is hearing without a hearer and seeing without a seer -- the experience of Pure Sound-Consciousness is radically different from Pure Sight-Consciousness. Sincerely, if we are able to give up ‘I’ and replace it with “Emptiness Nature”, Consciousness is experienced as non-local. There isn't a state that is purer than the other. All is just One Taste, the manifold of Presence.


….



Update 17/7/2021 with more quotes:




The Absolute as separated from the transience is what I have indicated as the 'Background' in my 2 posts to theprisonergreco.


    84. RE: Is there an absolute reality? [Skarda 4 of 4]

    Mar 27 2009, 9:15 AM EDT | Post edited: Mar 27 2009, 9:15 AM EDT

    Hi theprisonergreco,


    First is what exactly is the ‘background’? Actually it doesn’t exist. It is only an image of a ‘non-dual’ experience that is already gone. The dualistic mind fabricates a ‘background’ due to the poverty of its dualistic and inherent thinking mechanism. It ‘cannot’ understand or function without something to hold on to. That experience of the ‘I’ is a complete, non-dual foreground experience.


    When the background subject is understood as an illusion, all transience phenomena reveal themselves as Presence. It is like naturally 'vipassanic' throughout. From the hissing sound of PC, to the vibration of the moving MRT train, to the sensation when the feet touches the ground, all these experiences are crystal clear, no less “I AM” than “I AM”. The Presence is still fully present, nothing is denied. -:) So the “I AM” is just like any other experiences when the subject-object split is gone. No different from an arising sound. It only becomes a static background as an after thought when our dualistic and inherent tendencies are in action.


    The first 'I-ness' stage of experiencing awareness face to face is like a point on a sphere which you called it the center. You marked it.


    Then later you realized that when you marked other points on the surface of a sphere, they have the same characteristics. This is the initial experience of non-dual. Once the insight of No-Self is stabilized, you just freely point to any point on the surface of the sphere -- all points are a center, hence there is no 'the' center. 'The' center does not exist: all points are a center.


    After then practice move from 'concentrative' to 'effortlessness'. That said, after this initial non-dual insight, 'background' will still surface occasionally for another few years due to latent tendencies...




    86. RE: Is there an absolute reality? [Skarda 4 of 4]

    Mar 27 2009, 11:59 AM EDT | Post edited: Mar 27 2009, 11:59 AM EDT

    To be more exact, the so called 'background' consciousness is that pristine happening. There is no a 'background' and a 'pristine happening'. During the initial phase of non-dual, there is still habitual attempt to 'fix' this imaginary split that does not exist. It matures when we realized that anatta is a seal, not a stage; in hearing, always only sounds; in seeing always only colors, shapes and forms; in thinking, always only thoughts. Always and already so. -:)



Many non-dualists after the intuitive insight of the Absolute hold tightly to the Absolute. This is like attaching to a point on the surface of a sphere and calling it 'the one and only center'. Even for those Advaitins that have clear experiential insight of no-self (no object-subject split), an experience similar to that of anatta (First emptying of subject) are not spared from these tendencies. They continue to sink back to a Source.


It is natural to reference back to the Source when we have not sufficiently dissolved the latent disposition but it must be correctly understood for what it is. Is this necessary and how could we rest in the Source when we cannot even locate its whereabout? Where is that resting place? Why sink back? Isn't that another illusion of the mind? The 'Background' is just a thought moment to recall or an attempt to reconfirm the Source. How is this necessary? Can we even be a thought moment apart? The tendency to grasp, to solidify experience into a 'center' is a habitual tendency of the mind at work. It is just a karmic tendency. Realize It! This is what I meant to Adam the difference between One-Mind and No-Mind.


- John Tan, 2009


- Emptiness as Viewless View and Embracing the Transience http://www.awakeningtoreality.com/2009/04/emptiness-as-viewless-view.html




….


Also, here’s another excerpt from the AtR guide:



In the I AM phase the spacious all-pervading aspect of Presence is reified into a static background, while in the further phase of anatta, the space-like, boundless field of consciousness/universe is experienced and realized to be the foreground without being abstracted and reified into a background.


“Hi AEN,


Yes not to be fixated but also not to objectify the “spaciousness” otherwise “spaciousness” is no less fixated.  The ‘space’ appears appealing only to a mind that abstracts but to a fully participating and involving mind, such “spaciousness” has immediately sets itself apart, distancing itself from inseparable.  Emptiness is never a behind background but a fully partaking foreground manifesting as the arising and passing phenomena absence of a center. Therefore understand ‘spaciousness’ not like sky but like passing clouds and flowing water, manifesting whenever condition is.  If ‘Emptiness’ has made us more fixated and immobilized this innate freedom of our non-dual luminosity, then it is ‘stubborn emptiness’.


Nevertheless, no matter what said, it is always inadequate. If we want to fully realize the inexpressible, be willing to give up all centers and point of references that manifests in the form of ‘who’, ‘when’ and ‘where’.  Just give up the entire sense of self then instantly all things are spontaneously perfected.


Just a sharing, nothing intense.


Happy New Year! :)



There is no lack of clarity in whatever that is manifesting, simply forgo the self and be fully participating.” - John Tan, 2009


“Therefore the so called "Clear Aware Space" is no more special than this moment of arising sound or passing scent.  The failure to recognize that all apparent arising and passing transience is non other than the Dharmakaya is the problem of all problems.

When a pith instruction like “Relax and fully open to whatever is” is taught to a mind that is still under strong influence of dualistic tendencies, it is easy for such a mind to read  and practice in the form of clinging to the “Aware Space” and shunting away from the transience, thereby setting itself infinitely apart unknowingly.

If however there is maturity of insight that whatever arises share the same taste -- luminous yet empty (via twofold emptiness), then practice is naturally and simply unreserved opening to whatever is, it cannot be otherwise.  There can be no movement, duality and preference from this to that for there is no ‘this’ that is more ‘this’ than that.  

With clear recognition and unperturbed practice of complete unreserved opening to whatever is, all transience will reveal to posses the same taste of non-dual samadhi and self-liberation that we once thought to be the monopoly of the so called “Clear Aware Space”.

It is therefore advisable that after the direct experience and realization of the pure sense of existence, a practitioner further penetrates anatta and the empty nature of phenomena.  These insights are necessary and should not be considered “long cut”.  It will help a practitioner better appreciate the art of great ease in time to come.

My 2 cents.

The degree of “un-contrivance”,
Is the degree of how unreserved and fearless we open to whatever is.
For whatever arises is mind, always seen, heard, tasted and experienced.
What that is not seen, not heard and not experienced,
Is our conceptual idea of what mind is.

Whenever we objectify the “brilliance, the pristine-ness” into an entity that is formless,
It becomes an object of grasp that prevents the seeing of the “forms”,
the texture and the fabric of awareness.
The tendency to objectify is subtle,
we let go of 'selfness' yet unknowingly grasped ‘nowness’ and ‘hereness’.
Whatever arises merely dependently originates, needless of who, where and when.

All experiences are equal, luminous yet empty of self-nature.
Though empty it has not in anyway denied its vivid luminosity.

Liberation is experiencing mind as it is.
Self-Liberation is the thorough insight that this liberation is always and already is;
Spontaneously present, naturally perfected!” – John Tan to Mr. J, 2012


…..


Lastly, here’s a conversation from over a decade ago:




Session Start: Wednesday, 5 November, 2008


(5:17 PM) AEN: hi.. did u read the email i sent on self liberation?

(5:18 PM) AEN: btw i went to library just now and read the book 'transpersonal knowing' a bit, the one where the self liberation article and also another author that talked about centered and decenetered

(5:19 PM) AEN: i tink i going to get it.. hehe

(5:20 PM) AEN: btw fred j. hanna mentioned a fourth substage of decentered stage... he said

(5:21 PM) Thusness has changed his/her status to Idle

(5:23 PM) AEN: Initiated a file transfer

(5:23 PM) AEN: ...I would like to add that there seems to be no evidence for the popular ideas of th Universal Self and the Universal Will. In younger days, I was once very fond of such characterizations. These are attractive ideas but arise from dependence on self and ind. In other words, such concepts are conceptually "pretty" in that they are harmonious, symmetrical, and balanced with great intellectual and conceptual appeal. Much like certain religious beliefs, they even bring a certain amount of comfort. However, they actually represent the concept-forming activities of the mind, warned against by Huang Po and so many others. concepts as these and others such as cosmic evolution makes good sense at earlier stages, but as the self becomes dismantled and the mind divested, such concepts lose their atractiveness, become less important, and are spontaneously abandoned.

(5:23 PM) AEN: Initiated a file transfer

(5:23 PM) Thusness has changed his/her status to Online

(5:23 PM) AEN:


In any case, this state of "willess activity" lasted for approximately a year, and once again, even though it diminished there was another new plateau that had been achieved. For the first time since I began my quest, I did no sitting meditation during that year. My meditation was now done spontaneously and in the moment as life presented itself. I had no illusions, however, I knew that there was much more work to do. I had been aroun te meditative block too many times to get fooled again. After the glow wore off I found myself meditating once more on the will and other new ares that needed attention.

(5:23 PM) AEN: But that center has not returned. There is no center of consciousness anymore and that feels quite natural and appropriate. It is hard to remember what it was like to have one. To experience the lapse of a self under healthy circumstnaces is, paradoxically, to understand what it means to be a normal human being, that is, "true normal." Indeed the more the meditation and growth continue, the more normal and insignificant this person becomes. It is quite liberating to be rid of this needless signifiance.

(5:23 PM) AEN:

Seeing Consciousness Arise out of Nothing



As of this writing, I am still quite in the midle of the Decentered Stage, and the meaning of true normal  continues to unfold. A fourth substage manifested recently while meditating on consciousness itself. This meditation can be described as following or tracing consciousnes back to its origin point, well beyond ind and perception of the world. I was doing this exercise as a result of the influence of Zen. There came a point at which, amazingly enough, I saw that consciousness itself is actually quite substantial, much more so than t void or sunyata. And as the void,

(5:23 PM) AEN: I saw consciousness itself coming into being out of noting at all. In some deep chamber of inner life, I saw it there, springing from the eternal dialectic between absolute sometingness and absolute nothingness, and arising as the wondrous compromise between the two. consciousness actually appeared as a gossamer substance, alive and fluiid, aware, pure, and somehow clean and "innocent." The wholly astonishing aspect was that consciousness, that which does seeing, was actually being seen and watched, as both subject and object. lease believe me when I say that I know this makes no sense at all. I am only reporting what seemed to me to happen. Perhaps equally strange, I also felt released from consciousness, with a resulting sense of being unburdened and somehow freed.

(5:24 PM) AEN: There was no "I" in this experience, only the void itself. A deep certainty arose that the void is not consciousness but encompasses consciousness as it does everything else. I know that this flies directly in the face of popular ranspersonal writings, for there we find consciousness florified and exalted as teh supreme, ultimate, perfect, utmost, transcendent reality. Not so to this iveinvestigator. It is wonderfully freeing to be released from this limiting perspective. Paradoxically, it seems that even transcendental consciousness has its limits. This insight taught me to appreciate Zen more than ever. I should also mention that the efect was largely temporary but the leson lives on.

(5:24 PM) AEN: is he talking something like stage 3?

(5:25 PM) AEN: and then towards the end of the article theres a summary

(5:25 PM) AEN:


Summary:


Appendix

A Summary of the Stages and Substages


The Precentered Stage


The Precentered Stage begins with the first experience of being centered. It is only the beginning. Some persons have many transcedent experiences and never get past this stage. Continued practice in the Precentered Sttage produces t insights that lead to becoming centered and the stability that comes with it.


Substage 1: Precenterednes begins with a glimpse of a transcendent reality beyond ordinary perception of hte world and mundane cognitive processes. The reality glimpsed is recognized as being beyond ordinary subject/object distinctions.


Substage 2: Merging with the transcendental reality to the point of full identification with it. Once again, this involves transcending the world of phenomena and moving beyond subject/object distinctions.

(5:25 PM) AEN: Initiated a file transfer

(5:25 PM) AEN:

The Centered Stage


At this stage a person intuitively understands the meaning of the term "pure consciousnes." Consciousness is understood as the center, focus, and origin of reality. It is seen  as separate from mind and self, which serve only allow and debase its pure character and quality. Consciousness is established in itself, freed from psychopathology, and  ultimately tiedto transcnedental reality.


Substage 1: Consciousness is established as the center, largely free of mind and reactions. This is not to say that reactions do not take place, only that consciousness is  ever observant and aware of the tides, flows, and eddies of mental processes and emotions. Put a bit differently, it might be said that consciousness exits or is released to  some degree from the "shell" of one's personality.

(5:25 PM) AEN:


Substage 2: Consciousnes becomes integrated, settled, and established in itself with no need for mental ideas or constructions as props and supports. It is liberated from  being chronically absorbed or lost in mental processes, including personality issues and structures. consciousnss is seen as separate from mind, more primal than mind, and as  absolute. It can also master and change any construction of mind, although not its total master.


Substage 3: The center expands outward and stabilizes as extended being. consciousness is no longer and never again experienced as a central point confined to being within the  sull. There is now a continuous sense of size or grand spaciousness that becomes a part of one's being.



The Decentered Stage

(5:25 PM) AEN:

In the Decentered Stage the center beigns to corrode or decompose as if from within. The self begins to literally disappear not only in transcendent experiences but in  everyday life -- which begins to become more and more transcendent. the "i" becomes les pronounced.


Substage 1: centeredness begins to break down as a result of the decomposition of confining self-structurs. This process results in a not unpleasant lack of lack of a sense of  center, which is now replaced by a sese of mildly pleasant disorganization.


Substage 2: The self is clearly seen as a defense against or a haven fro th stark reality of the void, and as a wound in te fiber of one's being. The self fades in and out for  short periods of time leaving a lack of category distinctions in everyday life. During times when t self is faded out, there is a recognition of a luminous, pervasive  awareness of the void as primordial and what all things are.

(5:25 PM) AEN:


Substage 3: The center ceases to exist, along with a sense of self. There is an almost paalpable chasm or gap where once there was a self. Unlike fading in and fading out,  this is a revolution at th center of awareness -- a metamorphosis. An essential core of th self is removed and is joyousuly replaced by the void.


Substage 4: Consciosuness itself is seen, in and by the void, coming into being. For the first time, consciousness seems almost substantial and limtited by comparison to the  void. one is momentarily freed fro mconsciosunes.


Substage 5: No inkling, no clue. There remains much, much more to learn. 

(5:32 PM) Thusness: The stages are okie to me but the insight is still not there.

(5:33 PM) Thusness: despite the fact that there is the awareness of the importance of being 'decentered', the true insight and essence of no-self isn't there yet.

(5:33 PM) AEN: oic..

(5:33 PM) AEN: what does he mean by entering void.. is it something like that stage 3 kind of experience?

(5:33 PM) Thusness: being transparent

(5:33 PM) Thusness: that is luminosity as the void.

(5:34 PM) AEN: but he said its beyond consciousness

(5:34 PM) Thusness: there is no problem experiencing as this void.

(5:34 PM) Thusness: just the non-dual understanding isn't there.

(5:34 PM) Thusness: this is because phenomena & void remains dual.

(5:34 PM) AEN: oic..

(5:35 PM) Thusness: That is he 'sees' a particular aspect of our pristine nature but is unable to go beyond analysis of the experience and that prevents him from experiencing the texture and fabric of awareness.

(5:36 PM) AEN: icic..

(5:36 PM) Thusness: phenomena is just an appearance that dependently originates when condition is.

(5:36 PM) Thusness: and this is what Awareness is.

(5:37 PM) Thusness: What he 'sees' is still with a center.

(5:37 PM) Thusness: that center now has become the 'void'

(5:37 PM) AEN: oic..

(5:37 PM) Thusness: in actual case, there is only appearance.

(5:38 PM) Thusness: the void was created due to the inability to go beyond dualistic more of understanding.

(5:38 PM) Thusness: mode

(5:38 PM) Thusness: Therefore there is no real experience of liberation.

(5:38 PM) Thusness: the void is what that 'bond' him.

(5:39 PM) AEN: icic..

(5:40 PM) AEN: oh ya btw did u read the article i sent u by john welwood

(5:40 PM) Thusness: not yet

(5:40 PM) Thusness: ????,???? (Seeing form is to apprehending Mind, hearing sound is the Tao/Way) 

(5:40 PM) Thusness: there is no need to experience 'void'

(5:40 PM) AEN: oic..

(5:40 PM) Thusness: all in ?,? (sights, sounds)

(5:41 PM) AEN: icic..

(5:42 PM) Thusness: all in ?,?,?,?,?,? (sights, sounds, smells, taste, touch, thought)

(5:42 PM) Thusness: seeing this is seeing our Buddha nature.

(5:42 PM) Thusness: only due to our empty nature manifestations appear diverse.

(5:43 PM) Thusness: it is not knowing our empty nature that 'void' is seen to be really existing.

(5:43 PM) Thusness: what exists is just appearances

(5:43 PM) Thusness: this is luminous yet empty.

(5:44 PM) AEN: oic..

(5:45 PM) Thusness: It is not that we are stubborn that we can't accept the existence of the 'void'

(5:45 PM) Thusness: the 'Void' must be understood correctly

(5:45 PM) AEN: icic... wat is the 'void'

(5:45 PM) Thusness: it is an assumed 'space' that arise only in 'thinking and analysiing'

(5:46 PM) Thusness: it is a 'mind space' made believe to exist and appears to exist only during introspection.

(5:46 PM) Thusness: What truly exists experientially is just the 18 dhatus.

(5:47 PM) AEN: oic..

(5:47 PM) Thusness: it is still the cause of dualism and dualism causes separation which is the root cause of suffering.

(5:48 PM) Thusness: There is no true spontaneity and effortlessness when we are still dualistic.

(5:48 PM) AEN: the assumed 'space' is the cause of dualism u mean?

(5:49 PM) Thusness: it is not the cause of dualism

(5:49 PM) AEN: what is the cause of dualism

(5:49 PM) Thusness: the tendency to divide is the cause

(5:49 PM) Thusness: that tendency to divide can manifest as 'space', 'void', 'Self'

(5:50 PM) AEN: oic..

(5:55 PM) Thusness has changed his/her status to Idle

(6:01 PM) AEN: john welwood speaks of different levels of practice. in summary: "If we use the analogy of awareness as a mirror, prereflective identification is like being captivated by and lost in the reflections appearing in the mirror. Reflection involves stepping back from these appearances, studying them, and developing a more objective relationship with them. And transreflective presence presence is like being the mirror itself -- that vast, illuminating openness and clarity that allows reality to be seen as what it is. In pure presence, awareness is self-illuminating, or aware of itself without objectification. The mirror simply abides in its own nature, without either separating from its reflections or confusing itself with them. Negative reflections do not stain the mirror, positive reflections do not improve on it. They are all the mirror's self-illuminating display."

(6:05 PM) Thusness has changed his/her status to Online

(6:06 PM) Thusness: good.

(6:06 PM) Thusness: The fact is the mirror is and always is just an analogy.  It is never is really a reflection.

(6:07 PM) Thusness: it is a reflection because our DO nature is not seen and therefore we can't 'see' that Awareness is always so.

(6:08 PM) Thusness: We see 'Awareness' according to certain 'definition' and is affected by that definition.  That 'definition' is not what Awareness is and all analogies become fault.

(6:08 PM) AEN: icic..




….




Session Start: Wednesday, 17 December, 2008


(9:49 PM) Thusness: Sense of self and sense of beingness is different

(9:51 PM) Thusness: Wisdom of our nature includes the ability to know the difference

(9:51 PM) AEN: oic..

(9:51 PM) Thusness: yes i read what he wrote.  

(9:52 PM) AEN: longchen? ic..

(9:52 PM) Thusness: yes in the morning.

(9:53 PM) AEN: oic..

(9:54 PM) Thusness: the other article about great freedom is also not bad.

(9:54 PM) AEN: icic..

(9:57 PM) AEN: btw wats the difference between 'now' and spontaneous arising.. to remain in 'now' doesnt mean there's no sense of self isit? and there's still the sense of effort to achieve or sustain the state

(10:00 PM) Thusness: 'Now' is a concept for what they really want to convey is a direct experience of a sense of presence.

(10:00 PM) Thusness: spontaneous arising is different.  It relates to 'effortlessness'.

(10:02 PM) Thusness: it relates to the direct experience of what liberation is.

(10:02 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:07 PM) AEN: u said travis post is still 'i am'... is cos he still cant differentiate sense of self and beingness?

(10:07 PM) Thusness: what they want to bring across to the readers is to tell them not to lost themselves in stories so that they missed the direct experience of 'Presence'.

(10:07 PM) Thusness: This is just the first step.

(10:08 PM) AEN: icic..

(10:09 PM) Thusness: Stressing the importance of 'Now' has no other purpose other than that.

(10:09 PM) Thusness: What longchen said is a more important truth.  

(10:09 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:10 PM) AEN: but spontaneous manifestation can only occur after insight rite?

(10:10 PM) Thusness: not exactly

(10:10 PM) Thusness: it always occur

(10:11 PM) Thusness: it is just that it is not realised

(10:11 PM) AEN: icic..

(10:11 PM) Thusness: now when the article from 'Great Freedom' said, the space is Awareness and what that arise is also Awareness.  How do u understand it?

(10:13 PM) AEN: thats non duality rite?

(10:14 PM) Thusness: To me it is non-dual but not buddhism sort of understanding.

(10:14 PM) Thusness: Therefore it does not the sort of insight I hope u can achieve.

(10:15 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:15 PM) AEN: wats the difference

(10:16 PM) Thusness: Yes what is the different?

(10:16 PM) AEN: they still treat awareness as an unchanging background?

(10:16 PM) Thusness: not actually that for this case

(10:17 PM) Thusness: obviously they also treat whatever arise as Awareness.

(10:17 PM) Thusness: They problem is the in the depth of clarity.

(10:18 PM) Thusness: There are several hurdles here.

(10:18 PM) Thusness: First is the experience of a pure sense of existence (Presence) from a state free from 'thoughts'

(10:19 PM) Thusness: an almost thoughtless state

(10:19 PM) Thusness: then there is also the experience of non-duality

(10:19 PM) AEN: icic..

(10:20 PM) Thusness: that is a state similar to what Ken Wilber experienced

(10:20 PM) Thusness: There is inability to break-through the 'bond' of dualism.

(10:22 PM) Thusness: The perpetual referencing back prevents the depth of 'seeing' despite the non-dual experience.

(10:22 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:22 PM) AEN: referencing back to a self or background?

(10:23 PM) Thusness: it is not that he wants the background, it is because the dualistic tendency

(10:24 PM) AEN: btw self inquiry can lead to a thoughtless state of presence rite? yesterday was practicing self inquiry until suddenly its like i have almost no thought already... just a sense of presence... then suddenly i enter into a v blissful state for i tink 1 or 2 minute

(10:24 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:24 PM) Thusness: yes

(10:26 PM) Thusness: this pure sense of existence cannot 'blind' us from seeing sight, sound, taste and other arising phenomenon as Presence

(10:26 PM) AEN: icic..

(10:27 PM) Thusness: once u let that blind u, u can't experience anatta completely

(10:27 PM) Thusness: the next natural development is to have the glimpse of what Ken Wilber experiences... u need vivid experience of that

(10:27 PM) AEN: i didnt remember experience sight or sound or taste... instead it feels like void... but theres presence

(10:28 PM) AEN: icic

(10:28 PM) Thusness: then confusion steps in whenever u try to make sense out of these 2 experiences

(10:28 PM) Thusness: the problem is with our dualistic mode of understanding things

(10:28 PM) Thusness: despite the experiences, we still cannot understand it correctly

(10:29 PM) Thusness: until we become clear of anatta then prajna insight arises

(10:30 PM) Thusness: Once we accept anatta and DO as the right understanding of these experiences, we began to experience clearer and less effort is needed

(10:31 PM) Thusness: Once we clearly see that the 5 aggregates are already non-dual, we no more preserve that 'state' of pure existence

(10:31 PM) Thusness: the 'effort' to sustain a particular state disappear

(10:32 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:32 PM) Thusness: yet that is not the exhaustive even insight arises

(10:32 PM) AEN: huh?

(10:33 PM) Thusness: like when we faced adverse situations, non-dual is gone as in the case of longchen.  

(10:33 PM) Thusness: when in dream states also

(10:34 PM) AEN: oic.. ya longchen said he only experience non dual when he is near the end of the dream, and in the waking state

(10:34 PM) Thusness: not yet

(10:34 PM) AEN: oic wat u mean

(10:34 PM) AEN: he haven experience it in dream?

(10:37 PM) Thusness: not only that...

(10:38 PM) Thusness: i mean spontaneous manifestation is only correctly understood when we clearly see that there is no 'center', no 'self' from the anatta perspective

(10:38 PM) Thusness: that is, there is thoughts, no thinker

(10:38 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:39 PM) Thusness: means there is always only thoughts

(10:39 PM) Thusness: then we can begin to understand DO.

(10:39 PM) AEN: icic..

(10:39 PM) Thusness: always only Sound, no hearer

(10:40 PM) Thusness: understand spontaneous arising this way and understand DO from this experience.

(10:40 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:42 PM) Thusness: after absolute and effortless clarity of these experiences, when dealing with adverse situations, that non-dual experiences can still be gone.

(10:42 PM) Thusness: that is practice

(10:42 PM) AEN: icic..

(10:43 PM) Thusness: then we will begin to realise DO in a deeper aspect

(10:43 PM) Thusness: and the strength of the 'bond'

(10:43 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:44 PM) Thusness: but first the pure sense of existence

(10:44 PM) Thusness: then non-dual experience

(10:44 PM) AEN: icic..

(10:44 PM) AEN: btw earlier u said travis experience is still 'i am'.. isit bcos he cant distinguish beingness from sense of self?

(10:45 PM) Thusness: u must continue to practice letting go.

(10:45 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:46 PM) Thusness: to understand Travis experience, u must have the 'Oneness' experience 

(10:47 PM) Thusness: stripping 'personality' from experiences

(10:47 PM) AEN: icic..

(10:48 PM) Thusness: that is, u non-dual need not arise, but that stripping of 'personality' from experiences must arise

(10:48 PM) Thusness: it is also an important experience.

(10:48 PM) Thusness: then with a lil extrapolation, u come out that sort of conclusion.

(10:49 PM) Thusness: because will 'personality' is being stripped off from every moment of experience, an 'inherent essence' is not

(10:50 PM) Thusness: that bond of 'inherent essence' causes Travis to extrapolate and lead him to that understanding.

(10:51 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:52 PM) Thusness: i mean 'because while' 'personality' is being stripped off from every moment of experience, the aspect of  'inherent essence' is not

(10:52 PM) AEN: icic..

(10:53 PM) AEN: btw he had nondual experience rite?

(10:53 PM) Thusness: yes

(10:53 PM) Thusness: just that the insight of anatta does not arise.

(10:53 PM) AEN: oic..

(10:53 PM) Thusness: what i want u to experience is anatta

(10:55 PM) AEN: icic..

(10:57 PM) Thusness: now when u hear 'sound', do u feel like the 'sound' out there?

(10:59 PM) AEN: ya

(11:00 PM) AEN: it's a bond to the body/mind rite? like a sense of being 'in here'

(11:01 PM) AEN: but if i just listen attentively it becomes less distinct i tink

(11:02 PM) Thusness is now Online

(11:13 PM) AEN: u saw my msg?

(11:16 PM) Thusness: Nope 

(11:18 PM) AEN: oh i said

(11:18 PM) AEN: AEN      says:

ya

AEN      says:

it's a bond to the body/mind rite? like a sense of being 'in here'

AEN      says:

but if i just listen attentively it becomes less distinct i tink

(11:21 PM) Thusness: seldom does it occur to us that it is due to our dualistic mode of perception as the main cause 

(11:21 PM) AEN: as the main cause of?

(11:22 PM) Thusness: of making us feel so 

(11:23 PM) Thusness: However there r other conditions that complicate our experience 

(11:24 PM) AEN: oic..

(11:24 PM) AEN: what other conditions

(11:24 PM) Thusness: That is the 'body' and the 'external conditions' 

(11:26 PM) AEN: icic..

(11:31 PM) Thusness: Now u have read, taught and the sutra to refer to, how is it that u still feel so? 

(11:32 PM) Thusness: U have so much faith in Buddha, why is it that u r unable to directly feel the truth of anatta? 

(11:32 PM) AEN: due to bond or the dualistic mode of perception?

(11:35 PM) Thusness: therefore know the subtlety and strength of this bond.  It is much stronger then the sum of all ur faith and practices 

(11:38 PM) AEN: oic..

 Many people asked me this question so I am posting my replies here so that I can send this link to others in future.


Why realize anatta after I AM?


The realisation of anatta is crucial to bring that taste of non-dual Presence into all manifestations and situations and conditions without any trace of contrivity, effort, referentiality, center, or boundaries... it is the dream come true of anyone that had realised the Self/I AM/God, it is the key that brings it into full blown maturity every moment in life without effort.


It is what brings the pellucidity and beyond measure brilliance bright of Pure Presence into everything, it is not an inert or dull state of non-dual experience.


It is what allows this experience:


"What is presence now? Everything... Taste saliva, smell, think, what is that? Snap of a finger, sing.  All ordinary activity, zero effort therefore nothing attained. Yet is full accomplishment. In esoteric terms, eat God, taste God, see God, hear God...lol. That is the first thing I told Mr. J few years back when he first messaged me 😂 If a mirror is there, this is not possible. If clarity isn't empty, this isn't possible. Not even slightest effort is needed. Do you feel it? Grabbing of my legs as if I am grabbing presence! Do you have this experience already? When there is no mirror, then entire existence is just lights-sounds-sensations as single presence. Presence is grabbing presence. The movement to grab legs is Presence.. the sensation of grabbing legs is Presence.. For me even typing or blinking my eyes. For fear that it is misunderstood, don't talk about it. Right understanding is no presence, for every single sense of knowingness is different. Otherwise Mr. J will say nonsense... lol. When there is a mirror, this is not possible. Think I wrote to longchen (Sim Pern Chong) about 10 years ago.” - John Tan


“It is such a blessing after 15 years of "I Am" to come to this point . Beware that the habitual tendencies will try its very best to take back what it has lost.  Get use to doing nothing. Eat God, taste God, see God and touch God.


Congrats.” – John Tan to Sim Pern Chong after his initial breakthrough from I AM to no-self in 2006, http://awakeningtoreality.blogspot.com/2013/12/part-2-of-early-forum-posts-by-thusness_3.html


“An interesting comment Mr. J. After realization… Just eat God, breathe God, smell God and see God… Lastly be fully unestablished and liberate God.” - John Tan, 2012

It is to have full blown realization and actualization of what awareness is, not to deny it.



Also the following passages may be revealing:



You may find this exchange between john tan and others at a meeting interesting and relevant

https://docs.google.com/document/d/16QGwYIP_EPwDX4ZUMUQRA30lpFx40ICpVr7u9n0klkY/edit?usp=sharing


Excerpt:


John Tan: It’s non conceptual. Yup. Okay. Presence is not conceptual experience, it has to be direct. And you just feel pure sense of existence. Means people ask you, before birth, who are you? You just authenticate the I, that is yourself, directly. So when you first authenticate that I, you are damn happy, of course. When young, that time, wah… I authenticate this I… so you thought that you’re enlightened, but then the journey continues. So this is the first time you taste something that is different. It is… It is before thoughts, there is no thoughts. Your mind is completely still. You feel still, you feel presence, and you know yourself. Before birth it is Me, after birth, it is also Me, 10,000 years it’s still this Me, 10,000 year before, it’s still this Me. So you authenticate that, your mind is just that and authenticate your own true being, so you don't doubt that. In later phase…


Kenneth Bok: Presence is this I AM?


John Tan: Presence is the same as I AM. Presence is the same as… of course, other people may disagree, but actually they're referring to the same thing. The same authentication, the same what... even in Zen is still the same.


But in later phase, I conceive that as just the thought realm. Means, in the six, I always call the six entries and six exits, so there is the sound and there’s all these… During that time, you always say I’m not sound, I’m not the appearance, I AM the Self that is behind all these appearances, alright? So, sounds, sensations, all these come and go, your thoughts come and go, those are not me, correct? This is the ultimate Me. The Self is the ultimate Me. Correct?


William Lam: So, is that nondual? The I AM stage. It’s non-conceptual, was it nondual?


John Tan: It’s nonconceptual. Yes, it is nondual. Why is it nondual? At that moment, there is no duality at all, at that moment when you experience the Self, you cannot have duality, because you are authenticated directly as IT, as this pure sense of Being. So, it’s completely I, there’s nothing else, just I. There’s nothing else, just the Self. I think, many of you have experienced this, the I AM. So, you probably will go and visit all the Hinduism, sing song with them, meditate with them, sleep with them, correct? Those are the young days. I meditate with them, hours after hours, meditate, sit with them, eat with them, sing song with them, drum with them. Because this is what they preach, and you find these group of people, all talking about the same language.



So this experience is not a normal experience, correct? I mean, within the probably 15 years of my life or 17 years of my life, my first... when I was 17, when you first experienced that, wah, what is that? So, it is something different, it is non conceptual, it is non dual, and all these. But it is very difficult to get back the experience. Very, very difficult, unless you're in when you're in meditation, because you reject the relative, the appearances. So, it is, although they may say no, no, it is always with me, because it's Self, correct? But you don't actually get back the authentication, just pure sense of existence, just me, because you reject the rest of that appearances, but you do not know during that time. Only after anatta, then you realize that this, when you when you hear sound without the background, that experience is exactly the same, the taste is exactly the same as the presence. The I AM Presence. So, only after anatta, when the background is gone, then you realize eh, this has the exact same taste as the I AM experience. When you are not hearing, you are just in the vivid appearances, the obvious appearances now, correct. That experience is also the I AM experience. When you are even now feeling your sensation without the sense of self directly. That experience is exactly the same as I AM taste. It is nondual. Then you realize, I call, actually, everything is Mind. Correct? Everything. So, so before that, there is an ultimate Self, a background, and you reject all those transient appearances. After that, that background is gone, you know? And then you are just all these appearances.


William Lam: You are the appearance? You are the sound? You are the…


John Tan: Yes. So, so, that is an experience. That is an experience. So after that, you realize something. What did you realise? You realise all along it is the what, that is obscuring you. So… in a person, for a person that is in I AM experience, the pure presence experience, they will always have a dream. They will say that I hope I can 24 by 7 always in that state, correct? So when I was young, 17. But then after 10 years you are still thinking. Then after 20 years, you say how come I need to always meditate? You always find time to meditate, maybe I don't study also meditate, you give me a cave last time I will just meditate inside.


So, the the thing that you always dream that you can one day be pure consciousness, just as pure consciousness, live as pure consciousness, but you never get it. And even if you meditate, occasionally probably you can have that oceanic experience. Only when you after anatta, when that self behind is gone, you are not 24 by 7, maybe most of your day, waking state, not so much of 24 by 7, you dream that time still very karmic depending on what you engage, doing business, all these. (John mimics dreaming) How come ah, the business…


So, so, in normal waking state, you are effortless. Probably that is the, during I AM phase, what you think you are going to achieve, you achieve after the insight of anatta. So you become clear, you are probably in the right path. But there are further insights you have to go through. When you try to penetrate the… one of them is, I feel that I become very physical. I am just narrating, going through my experience. Maybe that time… because you experience the relative, the appearances directly. So everything becomes very physical. So that is how you come to understand the meaning, how concepts actually affect you. Then what exactly is physical? How does the idea of physical come about, correct? That time I still do not know about emptiness, and all these kind of things, to me it is not so important.


So, I start going into what exactly is physical, what exactly is being physical? Sensation. But why is sensation known as physical, and what is being physical? How did I get the idea of being physical? So, I began to enquire into this thing. That, eh, actually on top of that, there is still further things to deconstruct, that is the meaning… that, just like self, I’m attached to the meaning of self, and you create a construct, it becomes a reification. Same thing, physicality also. So, you deconstruct the concepts surrounding physicality. Correct? So, when you deconstruct that, then I began to realize that all along, we try to understand, even after the experience of let’s say, anatta and all these… when we analyze, and when we think and try to understand something, we are using existing scientific concepts, logic, common day to day logic and all these to understand something. And it is always excluding consciousness. Even if you experience, you can lead a spiritual path you know, but when you think and analyze something, somehow you always exclude consciousness from the equation of understanding something. Your concept is always very materialistic. We always exclude consciousness from the whole equation.



———-




Also, on how wonderful life is post anatman insight, I (Soh) wrote this years ago:


https://www.awakeningtoreality.com/2021/04/why-awakening-is-so-worth-it.html


Why awakening is so worth it


From time to time, people ask me why should they seek awakening. I say, awakening will be the best thing that happen in your life, I guarantee it. It is worth whatever effort you put into it. You won't regret it. Or as Daniel M. Ingram said, "Would I trade this for anything? Maybe world peace, but I would have to think about it. Until then, this totally rocks, and missing out on it would be barking crazy from my point of view."


What is it like? I can only give a little preview, an excerpt of what I wrote taken from the AtR guide: 


"Personally, I can say from direct experience that direct realization is completely direct, immediate, and non-intellectual, it is the most direct and intimate taste of reality beyond the realm of imagination. It far exceeds one’s expectations and is far superior to anything the mind can ever imagine or dream of. It is utter freedom. Can you imagine living every moment in purity and perfection without effort, where grasping at identity does not take hold, where there is not a trace or sense of 'I' as a seer, feeler, thinker, doer, be-er/being, an agent, a 'self' entity residing inside the body somewhere relating to an outside world, and what shines forth and stands out in the absence of a 'self' is a very marvellous, wondrous, vivid, alive world that is full of intense vividness, joy, clarity, vitality, and an intelligence that is operating as every spontaneous action (there is no sense of being a doer), where any bodily actions, speech and thoughts are just as spontaneous as heart beating, fingernails growing, birds singing, air moving gently, breath flowing, sun shining - there is no distinction between ‘you are doing action’/’you are living’ and ‘action is being done to you’/’you are being lived’ (as there is simply no ‘you’ and ‘it’ - only total and boundless spontaneous presencing). 


This is a world where nothing can ever sully and touch that purity and perfection, where the whole of universe/whole of mind is always experienced vividly as that very purity and perfection devoid of any kind of sense of self or perceiver whatsoever that is experiencing the world at a distance from a vantagepoint -- life without ‘self’ is a living paradise free of afflictive/painful emotions (note: I am not proclaiming a state of Buddhahood or

Arahantship where all traces of mental afflictions are totally obliterated, see

this link http://www.awakeningtoreality.com/2022/07/buddhahood-end-of-all-emotionalmental.html

, and Traditional Buddhist Attainments: Arahantship and Buddhahood in the original AtR

guide https://app.box.com/s/157eqgiosuw6xqvs00ibdkmc0r3mu8jg for more details), where every color, sound, smell, taste, touch and detail of the world stands out as the very boundless field of pristine awareness, sparkling brilliance/radiance, colorful, high-saturation, HD, luminous, heightened intensity and shining wonderment and magicality, where the surrounding sights, sounds, scents, sensations, smells, thoughts are seen and experienced so clearly down to the tiniest details, vividly and naturally, not just in one sense door but all six, where the world is a fairy-tale like wonderland, revealed anew every moment in its fullest depths as if you are a new-born baby experiencing life for the first time, afresh and never seen before, where life is abundant with peace, joy and fearlessness even amidst the apparent chaos and troubles of life, and everything experienced through all the senses far surpasses any beauty previously experienced, as if the universe is like heaven made of glittering gold and jewels, experienced in complete gapless directness without separation, where life and the universe is experienced in its intense lucidity, clarity, aliveness and vivifying presence not only without intermediary and separation but without center and boundaries - infinitude as vast as an endless night sky is actualized every moment, an infinitude that is simply the vast universe appearing as an empty, distanceless, dimensionless and powerful presencing, where the mountains and stars on the horizon stands out no more distant than one’s breath, and shines forth as intimately as one’s heartbeat, where the cosmic scale of infinitude is actualized even in ordinary activities as the entirety of the universe is always participating as every ordinary activity including walking and breathing and one’s very body (without a trace of an ‘I’ or ‘mine’) is as much the universe/dependent origination in action and there is nothing outside of this boundless exertion/universe, where the purity and infinitude of the marvellous world experienced through being cleansed in all doors of perception is constant. (If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is: Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern. - William Blake) 


You know all the Mahayana Sutras (e.g. Vimalakirti Sutra), old Zen talks about seeing this very earth as pure land and all the Vajrayana talks about the point of tantra as the pure vision of seeing this very world, body, speech and mind in its primordial unfabricated purity as the Buddha field, palace, mandala, mantra and deity? Now you truly get it, you realise everything is really just like that when experienced in its primordial purity and perfection, and that the old sages have not been exaggerating at all. It is as much a literal and precise description of the state of consciousness as it is a metaphor. As I told John Tan before, Amitabha Sutra’s description of pure land resembles my living experience here and now. “To me it just means anatta. When what’s seen, tasted, touched, smelled are in clean purity, everywhere is pure land.” - John Tan, 2019. "If one is free from background self, all manifestations appear in clean purity in taste. Impurities from what I know come from mental constructions." – John Tan, 2020


This is a freedom that is free from any artificially constructed boundaries and limitations. And yet, this boundlessness does not in any way lead to the dissociation from one’s body, instead one feels more alive than ever as one’s very body, one grows ever more somatic, at home and intimate as one’s body. This is not a body normally conceived of, as the boundaries of an artificially solidified body that stands separated from the universe, dissolve into energetic streams of aliveness dancing and pulsating throughout the body in high energy and pleasure, as well as sensations of foot steps, movement, palm touching an object, where the body is no longer conflated with a constructed boundary of ‘inside’ and ‘outside’, ‘self’ or ‘other’, where no trace of an ‘inside’ and an ‘outside’ can be found in one’s state of consciousness - there’s only one indivisible, boundless and measureless world/mind - only this infinitude of a dynamic and seamlessly interconnected dance that we call ‘the universe’. This is better than any passing peak experiences be they arisen spontaneously, in meditation or through the use of psychedelic substances. And yet, despite experiencing life to it fullest every moment without any veils, in complete openness and utter nakedness, nothing gains a foothold in consciousness, for as vivid as they are, they leave no trace just as a bird leaves no tracks in the sky, an empty and lucid display such as a gust of wind and the glittery reflections of moon on the ocean waves - appearing but nothing ‘there’ or anywhere. All these words and descriptions I just wrote came very easily and spontaneously in a very short time as I am simply describing my current state of experience that is experienced every moment. I am not being poetic here but simply being as direct and clear as possible about what is immediately experienced. And this is only a figment that I am describing. If I were to tell you more of what this is like, you would not believe it. But once you enter this gateless realm you shall see that words always pale in comparison."

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