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A few glances, haven't read much yet. But the parts I've read are pretty resonating.
Nancy's posts and poems
Soh Wei YuBut just to give an example of anatta expression i read a few moments ago (its actually everywhere in her writings):your longing to get what is already the case will seem to push it away, as it is not an it, neither are youlonging for life to look and feel differently hurtsas it is impossiblehow can the ocean taste its own wetness?there is nothing to be remembered and no one to remember....this obvious alivenessthis brilliant immediacy is undeniable, isn't it?there appears to be awareness of this aliveness and an awareness of this awareness...and there is no separation between these...it is the apparent imaginary 'division' created by the objectifying brain that seems to create a thing called awareness and a thing called aliveness...but can you isolate one?is there ever awareness without perceptionor perception without awareness?this aliveness cannot be caughtof heldit is a treasure that seems to self ariseand simultaneously self eraseno past nor future nor 'now' can be found,nor can a looker be isolated from this streaming perceptual sensorial display....you know this magic, and the magic of it is that it isindeedun-graspableunknowableand there is no separate thingno handno heartno mindthat can hold it or know it in the conventional senseyet it is always sensedsomehowand there is no path or method to discover that which already isas the path, the method, the looking, is already this magic of aliveness self arising and self erasing....Soh Wei Yu10and you feel your hand your heart reaching outtrying to catch the ripplingbut all you can see is rainbows flowing through your fingersyou are the walls you seek to escape or break down...they seem to be solid and keep out the light...but it is belief in the dream which creates this illusion of separation, of an inside and an outside, here and thereimprisonment and freedom...and someone to be free or boundsome how this belief which is the cornerstone of who you are melts away, the wall of belief is punctured, all encompassing brilliance dissolves all and everything, yet all and everything and you remain.... all is transparent wonderyou are dissolved yet dancing...there are no things nor non things nor bothnor neitherno mind, no non mindno one to have a mindor not11weightless sky endless blue endless grey cloudshoverrainfallsrainbows appear and dissolve colors spill into your mind stream ...they never leftriver of thought has no beginning nor end no banks of timenor background of spacedaffodils swoon under the weight of moonlight stars seem fixed until they make you dizzy the world spinsor is it youswirling into starlight?a life time of chasing your taleno beginning or end can be found to this seamless aliveness spinning may reveal an empty center to the jewel that you are infinite facets blend into a surround sound of echoes reverberating ancient songsthat were never sungyet the words and melodies are felt deeply as they line your edgeless heart where clouds and starlight and endless skies bloomand wiltlooking for a lasting presencea fixed point on the horizon that will pin you to the story is like a pin in your hearta bitter death to flightmorning dove floats to the frozen groundI heard her singing as dawn streamed into the garden grey cat sleuths across the frostflying upmagnificent feathered displayand you long to drown in this beauty and dissolve into lightbut you were never separate from love you cannot find it or lose itthere is no you who is lovenor love to merge withit is all love12Soh Wei Yuthere is no loveriver of love needs its banks to flowwe stand on opposite sidesand dance in the current as we dissolve into each other never separatenever joinedwe need this river of reflectionsto glimpse our own beautyand drown in our own love13you are a personaan imaginary personalike me, the character that you are seems to arise in the company of apparent others.we are the shared dream of separation, and as we do not exist alone, other personas are like our mirrors...as we do not exist, we cannot find anything when we look inside. in a way we are each others reflections.when a loved one dies, we will never see ourselves through their eyes again. that mirror has broken, and the shards rip through our hearts as we have lost a part of ourselves. gone forever.enlightenment is not an escape from the dream.knowing you and I and love are imaginary is not the end of love, it is the beginning of an all encompassing love, of realizing that all of us know somewhere down deep that we are utterly empty and exist only as each other's echoes, and that we do not exist alone,that we all long to touch, knowing that we can never know what life looks or feels like for another.we are all utterly alone. yet everyone shares this broken hearted beauty, everyone is utterly innocent, simply isolated swirling galaxies of thought, of liquid memory....insubstantial, ephemeral, beautiful dreamt personas....love is the part of the dream that makes up for the total aloneness we all share. we are alone, together.thought weaves a web that has no solidity nor liquidity... it is composed of not even nothing... less substantial than cloud castles dissolving.... nothing can be caught with thought, thought is more like a razor slicing up the perceptual symphony into things and an observer.... but there is no thing called perception or awareness without thought... no thing called thought...without thought...you are flowing fleeting description... memory, a story without a source or story teller....you are an echo of your own aloneness....14Soh Wei YuI have people plead with me to give them one crumb of advice that will let them reach this promised land... but it is only empty promises that they have heard, there is no promised land of enlightenment and no one to reach it..... no one has this sublime emptiness and no one can give it away...utter emptiness is already the case.... it is the looking for it which seems to deny it.... looking for enlightenment.... looking for any idea requires a belief in it... and enlightenment is a belief, like emptiness, like other better more and next....so how can you find that which is already on?wouldn't looking for it be itor running away?how could it be confirmed or denied, accepted or rejected...the confirmation or rejection or acceptance... all what seems to appear... there is no getting out of this streaming dream of separation...there is certainly no outside or edge to what seems to appear... and isn't the recognition of this seamless symphony of sensorial display inseparable from it? never one without an other...wouldn't you say that life seems to appear all by itself without effort or non effort?the feelings of effort and ease both arise effortlessly...all arises and self erases evenly and equally and there are no separate actual things in this stream of perceptual input....it is thought which seems to divide the unknowable ungraspable no thingness into separate things and events....and this is something you can never see, as you are one of these imaginary separate things, like enlightenment...15I am a dream spell of liquid memoryslipping sliding falling through itselfendless stories spiraling....no end or beginning in sighta fluid portrait of all the stories, all the images all whom I have met there are no separate stories...that I am a fairytale dream girl is a storyas are these very lines trippling through your mind stream which really isn't yours, as you exist only in the thoughtyou think of as yoursall thought is learned shared wordsstories...weaving and unravelling without any actual substance sky soars through skylight pours through light...life swoons into itselfthrough your arms your eyes your lips this very kiss this obvious alivenessimmediate and clearwithout otherwithout before or after ungraspable....wondrous beyond measurenot even a thisas there is no that...Soh Wei Yu16what is darkness?what is light?what is this warmth inside my chest?starsburstingrivers of songspour onto this screenfingertips flow softly over this keyboard painting light and dark and colors streaming through this thought dreamwings of memorytides of imagesfeathers drift softlysettling into this book of poems that writes meas I continually slide off the pagesthat were never boundor heldor separatefrom the story they tellthere is no heart nor hand nor mind that can contain this love this unbearably wondrous symphony that seems to play itself and hear itselfand leaves not a drop of soundnot even silencein its wakeno one paints these infinite watercolor skies or this moon that seems to hover suspendedfalling through its own embracethe horizon never reachedunties itselfand the present is revealedto be nothing other than what it always was a dream of infinite wonder dreaming itself17Soh Wei Yuslow waltz of wind and trees and sky cannot be gathered in your hands or heart as you are inseparable from this wonderland ballet this ocean of echoes this arabesque of reflections twirling infinite colors into a hush without silence or stillness or movement or an actual song that can be understood or known or heard ornot heard....this symphony of wonder may seem to have separate instruments, sound touch taste sight, and someone who sees and hears and loves….but no watcher or player or conductor can ever be found,nor a stage or dance floor across which life waltzes...infinite galaxies spin only in this fairy tale of thought that seems to spiral endlessly as no beginning or end can be found.... or lost,you are part of the enchantmentthis wonderland thought paints with no background or foreground,all is sky written in skywind painted with windvast measureless spaciousness without space...and what could possibly divide you from all this when there is no this to divide?Soh Wei Yuwhen imaginary separation is believed, it feels like there is a thinker of thought, a feeler of feeling, and a someone who is doing life and to whom life happens….thought seems to divide the perceptual stream into separate things and events, and imaginary connections are drawn in-between these imaginary things and eventstime and cause and effect are created,and a someone who is traversing a razor’s edge tight rope, a time line, between birth and death, afraid to fall offand terrified to reach the endthis thought stream paints a world, and a you in the center of itthis is the end of the belief and the feeling of separationawakening unties all these imaginary linesall edges and the imaginary center are justgonewhoosh!it never was!it is obvious that life seems to self arise and simultaneously self erase, and never actually is a substantial (nor non substantial) ‘thing’,this is the astonishment that there are no things nor non things, no time, dimension, direction, movement or non movement, change or permanencythat there is no one separate from this imaginary world who can believe it or not, or claim it or not,as all we, as imaginary characters, can know is this imaginary worldwe are the dream of separationit is obvious that the dream of separation is indeed made up, but it is not known how this is known, and this is the most delicious unknowingenlightenment is a fatal collision between never and foreverthe kiss and final annihilation of reality and unrealityemptiness and fullnessmovement and stillnesseverything and nothingof you and me and love…the utter insubstantiality of thoughtof rainbowsof clouds of skies of mountains….all ideas of solidity and certitude vanishthis is the complete obliteration of all beliefs and ideas of what you are and what you are notwhat the world is and what it is notand what love is and what it is not…this is the end of all thoughts that he or she or me or the world ‘should’ be like this or thatthis is the end of all hope and fear and need of a never arising nextthe end of all questions about all things imaginary…and all things are imaginaryyouand meand even loveyet these songs are love songs trulycascades of wordsrivers of tears of smiles of ancient seas pouring through me and paintingwet with wetnesswind with windsky with skyandlove with lovethis is about the beauty of the dancing flamesas the world burnsand what is gained and what is lost when there are no things to be added or taken away,and no source or answer to this love song?a whirlwind of ancient shadows streaming through the darkness…a waterfall of starlight pouring through lighta spinning arabesque without a point to enter or leave this endless circlespiraling into infinityoutwards and inwards…when there is no outside or inno center or edge to this enchantmentthat seems to drink meand leaves meintoxicatedpools of streetlightspassersby talking on their phonesthere is only one side to the conversationbut there are no sides to this reflectionno home where echoes resideno one inside this miragebathing in the watersflowingno one listening to this love songfeeling her heart soarin love as love through lovelife singswe meet in this fatal kissof everything and nothingand we find ourselves dancing on the edge of a featherbetween love and nothing at alland I was lost forever as emptiness and found again in the storybook of love...Soh Wei Yuwithout thought there is no water or wetness or you or me or love.without thought there are no things or non things, period,....not even a thing called thought.this obvious vibrant aliveness self arises and simultaneously self erases without ever becoming any thing actual and substantial or solid or fixed.you cannot even call this aliveness liquid as that would require edges and things that move....as there are no things there is no movement nor non movement...there is no outside to this obvious elusive aliveness, so there is no inside...there is never anything otherso there is no this...infinite sky, infinite space….without skywithout spacewhat is without lines or space or emptiness….it is this thought dream that paints your unique universe with galaxiesspinning,and a you in the center, the hero or heroine of this passion play of wonder…when the dream is believed, it feels like there is a thinker, a someone who feels, a bather in moonlight dreaming….the mystery of lovethe mystery of mystery...thought spins a web of imaginary knowingthat never caught anythingnot even itselfSoh Wei Yuthis obvious alivenessthis symphony of perceptionthis sensorial display and its inseparable recognitionself arises and self erasessimultaneouslythere is no pause when the swing reaches is zenitha place where you could fall offor take off and soar…yet there is soaring alwaysthrough this dreamscape of space and timeas you are this water ballet of wonderbreath of wind is your breathwings of sunlight is your winged beautydancing with your reflection on shimmering mountain streamslistening to your voice resounding in deep echoed valleyssoaring over mountains and valleysacross hot desert wastelandsglancing down and seeing that it is all a mirageflowing into and through itselfwetness into wetnessahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyou are an intoxicationdrinking deeply this bottomless cup of wondermentas it drinks youI look around and I have no clue as to what I am walking on, walking from, walking towards, or what I am looking at.there is no sense that there is a separate someone walking or looking, nor that there are a bunch of things interconnected or joined.it feels like a seamless symphony, and not of any thing or things,not even a symphony of emptiness...simply a wondrous aliveness streaming and simultaneously disappearing without ever actually crystallizing into a thing or things,nor even nothing at all….in this fatal embrace of everything and nothingall things never wereno time nor spacenor clouds racing across endless bluedolphins jumping and playing and dissolving into sky…nor this stunning silence of boundless oceanroaringlove beyond any ideas of lovehas swallowed the world of thingsand is intoxicated by her own demiseshe sings without words or musicis all musicthis shock of unbridled alivenessflows into and through itselfwithout movement or non movementlove pours into lovethis cannot be foundit is not lostfor it is not separate from the stream of life as it appearslooking for it seems to solidify the dream of thingsas well as trying to not look for itfor there is no itnor you to get it.words can make you dizzyspin you around and spit you out..were you ever?are you now?where are the dolphin cloudsplaying in yesterday’s skies?
Soh Wei Yufalling off the edge of wordsfalling through the skin of sounda dream dreaming a dream... shared learned thought is the I-cloud…the shared learned thought, the thought stream is the 'god stream'the thought steam names itself...self arising and simultaneously self releasing....just like this~~~people tell me to look deeper to find my true self, or the god within, and get angry when I say I cannot find anyone to look.... and no within or without….seeing through the dream of separation is knowing there are no separate emotions, or car jams or loversto danceand fall in loveyet, here were are laughing and weepingand falling….painted and dissolved in the water color dreamscape of love~~~weight-less isthe stuff of dreamsmoonlight hovers on the other side of the horizonwaitingfor the sea to fall into its beautiful empty armsnaked wild loveis this constant union of what was never apartthis kiss of no tomorrowof nothing and everythingof never and foreverthe tsunami crashes through its own wetness…atemporal seamless beautyfloatsin the empty dream of time and spacethere are no footsteps to trace…no wings to hold the skythere are no wind swept beaches to wanderno one looking for sunset to pour light and color into her reflectionwaiting for the vastness of ocean songs to consume her nakednessand plunge her heart into unfathomable depthswhere sorrow and joykissshe was an echo of of ancient sea dreamsthe ache for another day
Soh Wei Yumirage of empty shadows and light spinsdreams unfold their wings and beat your hearta love song erupts that can never fill the vacancy in your chestthis all encompassing emptiness is youit is only in the heartbeat of this and thatthat we seem to emergeneither empty nor full nor in betweenheartbreakingly beautifulwe are this lover’s dance of everything and nothing at alllove is the echo of our shared alonenessI was the looking for a core, an essential element, a true nature of this obvious aliveness…..finding only this obvious aliveness, not separate from anyone looking!I was the unravelling of all and everything, of time and space,of the nothingness in-between the betweens….infinitely intimate this sweet and terrible embrace, this hush obliterating all sound and silenceyet echoing in the depths of my edgeless heartas love ripped even this dream song with shreds of mirroring skywords fell out of the corners of my eyesand spilled across the vastnesstears are reflections ofthe fullness and emptiness of loveexquisite how this life this love caresses me from the inside and outlove consumes all sidesand ravishes herselfwarm and wonderful is the tender beauty of whatever you think you arepouring through oceans of timelong stretches of sand and the lapping waves of midnightswirl through your ancient footstepsstarlight pools in your tear filled eyespulls you into endless skydrinks the silence that obliterates your longing for heaventhere is no one behind the horizondancing a ballet of light and darkno one who sees starlight hovering in front of the sunno one who aches for this longing that I amthis beautiful meandering love songthis longingfor justthis~~~what a beautiful crazy world of broken heartslonging to be mendedwho could ever hold all this love?Soh Wei Yu~~~I could never ever ever have believed or imagined that all of life, just as it seems to appear, is truly wondrous beyond measure and simply the treasure, the magic, the love I had been seeking.all words are defined by other words, all ideas reference other ideas, and seem to create a seamless solid universe, but there is a big gaping hole in the center and the outline is a whirling burnt stick, or thought, that leaves no trail or echosky songs bleed into skywords anoint the dayspiraling the hush of nightinto star shadows~~~this is pure intensity, not of a thing, or absence of things…an ecstasy of unassailable unknowingliquid prism of lightflows through the colors it paintsand I am softlyrainbows
Labels: Anatta, Nancy Neithercut