Showing posts with label Pam Tan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pam Tan. Show all posts

Pam Tan shared this after meeting with AtR group and John in October 2020

[12:25 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: Hi Soh, just want to let you know, how John described anatta last night is already my moment to moment lived 'experience' since beginning of this year. I am 100% doubtless. Even though I shared with no one and do not really want to talk about it. All there is just this current display of shapes colours tactile feel smell thoughts. No conceptual overlay, NONE! Direct, immediate, gapless, intimate. Life continues to function lighter than a baby's breath. Thank you for bringing the meeting about. From deep depression and not having heard of spirituality in 2016 to direct glimpses coming fast and furious back to back this year. Culminating in John's and your presence last evening. His words are myself talking to myself, sealing my milestone.
[12:26 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: 🙏🙏🙏
[12:56 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: As John said, anatta realisation is nothing spectacular, it is just recognising this has always been the case. Very beautiful and simple recognition, mySelf meeting mySelf, saying hello mySelf. No more questions, just a smile of quiet understanding.
[1:13 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: Am open-handed now and seeing alot of deeply embedded old wounds surfacing without stopping them or reacting to them. They are just sensations and they free themselves and dissolve and I smile at how simple it is now, instead of me suppressing and suffering few years back. This purging is sometimes very intense and I have to take deep breaths. For as long as I have this body, there will continue to be old fears and habits based on mistaken beliefs of personhood and doership, I don't hope to exhaust all of them but see clearly that these present themselves as a chance to cleanse and clarify. A lifelong practice. So embrace everything, knowing we are all spotless, innocent, complete and life is very precious and beautiful Self-discovery journey!!!
[1:28 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: Some real-life egs:

Every morning upon waking, in sleep-wake state, for a flash moment, language is absent so that what is presented have no labels and I have no idea what I am looking at. Just an array of shapes and colours and aircon humming and sensations the contact of body with sheets but all as one tapestry. No sense of someone located somewhere looking and experiencing from the location of a body in bed.  Yet feel like I am everywhere.
[1:28 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: This morning when hanging out the laundry my hands on the poles appear not attached or belonging to myself yet all the clothes and pole and window and flats opposite ARE ME!

The vivid colours of the clothes on the poles are nameless and not seen by the eyes but they are just KNOWN!
[1:30 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: Colours and sounds are KNOWN immediately by themselves...they are Self-knowing, no need for any agent making an effort to bring info to the brain.
[1:33 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: Last night watching John at no distance, his shape and voice just ARE. Not even to say "appearing in consciousness"...saying this is saying too much. JUST ARE! Shining vividly by themselves!
[1:39 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: And every moment is not a linear progression from a previous moment. Just one, the current one, the most updated one,. Updated not as if there was a continuity from previous moment. It is just a compete moment by itself! It presents as a whole package complete with story/memory of the previous moments. So this tricked the brain into thinking there was a past. Giving illusion of time. While in fact they are disjointed, each a complete current display.
[1:42 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: I used to drag my past into my present when it is just a story etched into the current configuration. There is no way to verify that the story even happened. It is just assumed due to 'evidences' of what others collaborate to confirm back to us.
[1:44 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: When people talk about there is just the NOW I was so frustrated. Now it is so obvious. What is right now infront of the face and under the feet is all the reality there is. All else are contrivance, hearsay, imagination, assumptions.
[1:47 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: Regarding substantiality of a background, this is a thought, a concept appearing now.
[1:48 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: If there are no joined moments how can there be continuity?
[1:48 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: How can there be a permanent background?
[1:51 PM, 10/29/2020] Pam: Of all illusions, the illusion of a background holding all illusions together is itself the most persistent illusion!!!
[2:32 PM, 10/29/2020] Soh Wei Yu: 👍 wonderfully expressed. Thanks for sharing

[11:23 PM, 3/13/2021] Soh Wei Yu: by the way just wondering if it's ok to share what you shared above? i can remove any specific details if you wish
[7:37 AM, 3/14/2021] Pam: Hi morning Soh, yes can always share if you feel may benefit others

[11:23 PM, 3/13/2021] Soh Wei Yu: by the way just wondering if it's ok to share what you shared above? i can remove any specific details if you wish
[7:37 AM, 3/14/2021] Pam: Hi morning Soh, yes can always share if you feel may benefit others
[1:40 PM, 3/14/2021] Pam: I don't have reservations, you can use the above as you wish
[1:40 PM, 3/14/2021] Soh Wei Yu: thanks!
[1:40 PM, 3/14/2021] Pam: thanks for all the work you do!

[1:40 PM, 3/14/2021] Pam: I don't have reservations, you can use the above as you wish
[1:40 PM, 3/14/2021] Soh Wei Yu: thanks!
[1:40 PM, 3/14/2021] Pam: thanks for all the work you do!

Sharing Pam's experience as I mentioned in my previous post. Previously Pam had the I AM realization up to one mind earlier this year, and many peak experiences of nonduality and mind-body drop in meditation. But a breakthrough insight made these her natural state now as the obscuring view of a background Self is penetrated and the true nature of mind reveals itself.

[27/8/18, 5:22:49 PM] Pam: Btw I penetrated another level.
[27/8/18, 6:28:38 PM] Soh Wei Yu: Cool
[27/8/18, 6:28:41 PM] Soh Wei Yu: What level?
[27/8/18, 8:14:11 PM] Pam: Just came out of Crazy Rich Asians movie.
[27/8/18, 8:14:27 PM] Pam: I recorded in my memo:
‎[27/8/18, 8:15:13 PM] Pam: ‎"25 Aug 2018
Read Kiloby last night on investigating the lack of boundary in field of perception. Upon waking, it cracked open. The room is one whole seamless seeing. No division. No here no there no me centre. This shift carries over the whole day everywhere I look.

26 Aug 2018
Upon waking and contemplating IT IS ALWAYS NOW, the mind suddenly got out of the way and there it is! Oh! This is what they are talking about! Just this happening. This sight this sound this moment. Now. Now. Now. Every moment actualizes out of itself, magical, vivid, pulsing with life. Such peace. Such joy. Nothing seems to matter. Just this lifeing instance, as it is.

27 Aug 2018
Read UG Krish last night. Upon waking same experience as his description. Only sense contact points of body with bed. No other parts of body exists.

[27/8/18, 8:21:17 PM] Pam: Haha think can't claim as 'level' la. But certainly a big thing for me, going by the amount of peace experienced.
[27/8/18, 8:38:16 PM] Pam: I was so damned sick of hearing 'everything is as it is' over and over again, because I could not get it. Now I do.

[27/8/18, 8:39:12 PM] Pam: Either you see it or you don't. You won't see it till you do!


[28/8/18, 6:59:46 PM] Pam: Just not that long ago I had similar ignorance about an unchanging ultimate background
[28/8/18, 7:00:04 PM] Pam: Was stuck in Advaita's Brahman.
[28/8/18, 7:23:42 PM] Pam: So, awareness is not other than foreground activity. They co-arise and then leave no trace upon falling away.
[28/8/18, 7:56:52 PM] Pam: Actually I find transience and emptiness freeing. Magical while phenomena last, and upon dissolution it is finished business. But most minds fear this and need to grasp onto something absolute and permanent.
[28/8/18, 7:57:53 PM] Pam: Now listening to Daniel Ingram's podcast Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha
[28/8/18, 7:58:46 PM] Soh Wei Yu: 👍
[28/8/18, 8:34:28 PM] Soh Wei Yu: Would you say that it is very clear now that in seeing just the seen and awareness as manifestation and all agency are seen through like Daniel description of fourth path?
[28/8/18, 8:34:57 PM] Pam: Yes very clear
[28/8/18, 8:35:13 PM] Pam: My depression is gone
[28/8/18, 8:35:21 PM] Soh Wei Yu: Wow nice
[28/8/18, 8:35:26 PM] Pam: I feel very peaceful

[28/8/18, 8:42:46 PM] Pam: It is just seeing. Not the seen as object. The 'object' is made of seeing alone. There is no object.
[28/8/18, 8:44:11 PM] Pam: sounds = hearing alone
thought = thinking alone
[28/8/18, 8:44:54 PM] Soh Wei Yu: But should also see that there is no seeing besides seen
[28/8/18, 8:45:04 PM] Soh Wei Yu: Otherwise seeing becomes unchanging and inherent
[28/8/18, 8:46:11 PM] Pam: me the seeing is changing
[28/8/18, 8:47:09 PM] Soh Wei Yu: Yes so no seeing besides colors, no hearing besides sound yes?
[28/8/18, 8:47:44 PM] Pam: yes just colours, not object PLUS colour
[28/8/18, 8:58:27 PM] Soh Wei Yu: 👍

[29/8/18, 11:58:24 AM] Pam: Anyway, here is what it is like ever since few days ago, upon waking:
‎[29/8/18, 12:00:06 PM] Pam: 28 Aug 2018
Like a blind person who suddenly sees. Repeatedly saying in my head "OMG IT'S LIKE THIS"

Everything in room stay where they are except they are now jumping with aliveness. Sight, sound, touch sensations heightened as if all my sense doors have open nerve ends. Totally melting into intimacy, merging with whatever is happening. I am these sounds, these colours, the air brushing my skin. OMG this is what people have been talking about. There is 100% certainty that I have broken through.

Feeling of gratitude, compassion, completion and a great understanding.

No desire to move or do anything but to stay still and soak in this presence. Nothing to seek nothing to hold onto. For the first time in my life I feel zero tension in body, free, serene and at home with myself.

[29/8/18, 1:48:40 PM] Soh Wei Yu: Btw what triggered your I AM realization previously? My Friend asked
[29/8/18, 2:17:58 PM] Pam: The first opening I had was while sewing and listening to a satsang. One line by the teacher just opened up a crack into a glimpse of oneness.
‎[29/8/18, 2:29:28 PM] Pam: 13-16 Jan 2018 Chiangmai
read The Untethered Soul

24 Jan 2018
Flash of no self, floating in timeless presencing merging into ONENESS while handstitching dark grey hem and listening to Rodriguez's line: Consciousness is closer than intimacy. Felt total bliss