This blog is about spiritual awakening, maps and stages, the blinding effects of our strong momentum/conditioning (karmic propensities), view, realization, experience, etc. If you're new here, I recommend going through the 'Must Reads' articles (see sidebar). For discussions you are welcome to join the Awakening to Reality Facebook group
When it comes to awakening, I have found two elements to be the most helpful and most powerful. The first is developing a meditative attitude, in which we let go of control on a very deep level and allow everything to be as it is. The second is a serious engagement with our own inherent curiosity and intelligence through meditative self-inquiry. Either one of these two separated can be incomplete: Inquiry separated from meditation can become intellectual and abstract; meditation separated from inquiry can result in our getting lost in various different spiritual states. Combined, they provide the necessary energy, the necessary impetus, to produce a flash of recognition of your true nature. And in the end, that is what spirituality is all about.
WHAT IS A SPIRITUALLY POWERFUL QUESTION? Meditative self-inquiry is the art of asking a spiritually powerful question. And a question that is spiritually powerful always points us back to ourselves. Because the most important thing that leads to spiritual awakening is to discover who and what we are—to wake up from this dream state, this trance state of identification with ego. And for this awakening to occur, there needs to be some transformative energy that can flash into consciousness. It needs to be an energy that is actually powerful enough to awaken consciousness out of its trance of separateness into the truth of our being. Inquiry is an active engagement with our own experience that can cultivate this flash of spiritual insight.
The most important thing in spiritual inquiry is to ask the right question. The right question is a question that genuinely has energy for you. In spirituality, the most important thing initially is to ask yourself, What is the most important thing? What is spirituality about for you? What is the question that’s in your deepest heart? Not the question that some- one tells you should be there, not what you’ve learned it should be. But what is the question for you? If you meditate, why are you doing it? What question are you trying to answer?
The most intimate question we can ask, and the one that has the most spiritual power, is this: What or who am I? Before I wonder why I am here, maybe I should find out who this “I” is who is asking the question. Before I ask “What is God?” maybe I should ask who I am, this “I” who is seeking God. Who am I, who is actually living this life? Who is right here, right now? Who is on the spiritual path? Who is it that is meditating? Who am I really? It is this question which begins the journey of spiritual self-inquiry, finding out, for your own self, who and what you truly are.
So step number one of self-inquiry is having a spiritually powerful question, such as “Who or what am l?” Step number two is knowing how to ask that question.
THE WAY OF SUBTRACTION Before we actually find out what we are, we must first find out what we are not. Otherwise our assumptions will continue to contaminate the whole investigation. We could call this the way of subtraction. In the Christian tradition, they call this the Via Negativa, the negative path. In the Hindu tradition of Vedanta, they call this neti neti, which means “not this, not that.” These are all paths of subtraction, ways of finding out what we are by finding out what we are not.
We start by looking at the assumptions we have about who we are. For example, we look at our minds and we notice that there are thoughts. Clearly there is something or someone that is noticing the thoughts. You may not know what it is, but you know it’s there. Thoughts come and go, but that which is witnessing the thoughts remains.
If thoughts come and go, then they aren’t really what you are. Starting to realize that you are not your thoughts is very significant, since most people assume they are what they think. Yet a simple look into your own experience reveals that you are the witness of your thoughts. Whatever thoughts you have about yourself aren’t who and what you are. There is something more primary that is watching the thoughts.
In the same way, there are feelings—happiness, sadness, anxiety, joy, peace—and then there is the witness of those feelings. Feelings come and go, but the awareness of feelings remains.
The same is true for beliefs. We have many beliefs, and we have the awareness of those beliefs. They may be spiritual beliefs, beliefs about your neighbor, beliefs about your parents, beliefs about yourself (which are usually the most damaging), beliefs about a whole variety of things. Beliefs are thoughts that we assume to be true. We can all see that our beliefs have changed as we’ve grown, as we move through a lifetime. Beliefs come and go, but they do not tell us who the watcher is. The watcher or the witness stands before the beliefs.
The same thing goes for our ego personality. We tend to think that we are our egos, that we are our personalities. And yet, just as with thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, we can come to see that there is a witness to our ego personality. There’s an ego personality called “you,” and then there is a watching of the ego personality. The awareness of the ego personality stands before the personality; it is noticing it, without judging, without condemning.
Here we’ve started to move into something more intimate. Your essential, deepest nature cannot be your personality. Your ego personality is being watched by something more primary; it is being witnessed by awareness.
With that, we arrive at awareness itself. We notice that there is awareness. You are aware of what you think. You are aware of how you feel. So awareness is clearly present. It is not something that needs to be cultivated or manufactured. Awareness simply is. It is that which makes it possible to know, to experience what is happening.
WHO IS AWARE? No sooner do we get back to awareness itself than we encounter the primary assumption that “I am the one who is aware.” So we investigate that assumption, and discover time and time again that we cannot find out who it is that is aware. Where is this “I” that is aware? It is at this precise moment—the moment when we realize that we cannot find an entity called “me” who owns or possesses awareness—that it starts to dawn on us that maybe we ourselves are awareness itself.
This self-recognition can’t be understood in the mind. It’s a leap that the mind can’t make. Thought cannot comprehend what is beyond thought. That’s why we call this a transcendent recognition. It’s actually our identity waking up from the prison of separation to its true state. This is both simple and extraordinarily profound. It is a flash of revelation.
One of the simplest pointers I can give here is to remember that this process of inquiry and investigation really takes place from the neck down. An example of this is when you ask yourself, “What am l?” The first thing most people realize is that they don’t know. So most people will go into their minds to try to figure it out. But the first thing that your mind knows is that you don’t know. In spiritual inquiry that’s very useful information. “I don’t know what I am. I don’t know who I am.”
Once you recognize that, you can either think about it or you can actually feel it. What’s it like when you look inside to find out who you are and you don’t find an entity called “you”? What does that open space feel like? Feel it in your body; let it register in the cells of your being. This is real spiritual inquiry. This transforms what might have been just an abstract thought in the mind into something that is very visceral, very kinesthetic, and very spiritually powerful.
Once we recognize ourselves as awareness itself, our identity can begin to rest in its essence. Who we are is no longer found in our body, mind, personality, thoughts, and beliefs. Who we are rests in its source. When we rest in our source, our body and mind and personality and thoughts and feelings come into harmony.
THE GREAT INCLUSION After the Way of Subtraction comes what I call the Great Inclusion. When we start to let go into awareness or spirit, we start to recognize that that is who and what we are. We start to see that everything in existence is simply a manifestation or expression of spirit, whether it’s the chair, or the floor, or your shoes, or the trees outside, the sky, the body that you call “you,” the mind, the ego, the personality, everything—all are expressions of spirit.
When our identification is caught in these various forms, the result is suffering. But when, through inquiry and meditation, our identity starts to come back to its home ground of awareness, then everything is included. You discover that your humanness is in no way separate from the divinity within you, which is what you actually are.
Now please don’t try to understand this with your mind. This is really not understandable in the mind. This knowing resides at a deeper point, at a deeper place within ourselves. Something else understands; something else knows.
THAT WHICH REMAINS THE SAME Nobody can force this flash of recognition into being. It happens spontaneously. It happens by itself. But what we can do is cultivate the ground and create the conditions under which this flash of recognition happens. We can open our minds to deeper possibilities and start to investigate for ourselves what we really and truly are.
When this awakening to our true nature happens, it may happen for a moment, or it may happen for a longer period of time, or it may happen permanently. Whichever way it occurs, it is perfectly okay. Who you are is who you are. You cannot lose who you are, no matter what your experience is. Even if you have a certain opening and you realize your true nature, and then later you think you’ve forgotten it, you haven’t lost anything.
Therefore the invitation is always to rest more and more deeply, to not grasp at an insight or an experience, to not try and hold on to it, but to recognize the underlying reality, that which never changes. The great 20th-century Indian sage Ramana Maharshi had a saying, “Let what comes come; let what goes go. Find out what remains.”
In
the AtR guide, after I AM realization, you stop self enquiry and look
into the four aspects of I AM, the two stanzas of anatta and two nondual
contemplations.
Mr. AP There are other spiritually powerful questions, or koans, that lead to further dimensions of realization than 'Who am I'?
On Zen koans, John Tan wrote in 2009,
“Yes Emanrohe,
That
is precisely the question asked by Dogen that “if our Buddha Nature is
already perfect, why practice?” This question continues to bother him
even after the initial glimpse and that led him to China in search for
the answer that eventually awaken his wisdom into the non-dual nature of
Awareness.
Therefore
we must understand in Zen tradition, different koans were meant for
different purposes. The experience derived from the koan “before birth
who are you?” only allows an initial glimpse of our nature. It is not
the same as the Hakuin’s koan of “what is the sound of one hand
clapping?” The five categories of koan in Zen ranges from hosshin that
give practitioner the first glimpse of ultimate reality to five-ranks
that aims to awaken practitioner the spontaneous unity of relative and
absolute (non-duality).
Only
through thorough realization of the non-dual nature (spontaneous unity
of relative and absolute) of Awareness can we then understand why there
is no split between subject and object as well as seeing the oneness of
realization and development. Therefore the practice of natural state is
for those that have already awaken to their non-dual nature, not just an
initial glimpse of Awareness. The difference must be clearly
understood. It is not for anyone and it is advisable that we refrain
from talking too much about the natural state. The 'natural' way is in
fact the most challenging path, there is no short cut.
On
the other hand, the gradual path of practice is a systematic way of
taking us step by step until we eventually experienced the full non-dual
and non-local nature of pristine awareness. One way is by first firmly
establishing the right view of anatta (non-dual) and dependent
origination and practice vipassana or bare attention to authenticate our
experience with the right view. The gradual paths are equally precious,
that is the point I want to convey.
Lastly
there is a difference between understanding Buddha Nature and God. Not
to let our initial glimpse of pristine awareness overwhelmed us. "
More quotes on koan by JT from the past as I was explaining to someone:
John Tan:
“More by John Tan:
Alejandro,
I would separate non-arisen and emptiness from the luminosity. Imo,
it's a separate pointing. The one hand clapping here directly points to
the luminosity.
What is the way that leads the practitioner to “the direct taste”? In zen, koan is the technique and the way.
The one hand clapping koan is the instrument that leads one to directly and intuitively authenticate presence = sound.
Let’s
use another koan for example, “Before birth who am I?”, this is similar
to just asking “Who am I”. The “Before birth” here is to skilfully lead
the thinking mind to penetrate to the limit of its own depth and
suddenly completely cease and rest, leaving only I-I. Only this I as
pure existence itself. Before birth, this I. After birth, this I. This
life or 10 thousand lives before, this I. 10 thousand lives after, still
this I. The direct encounter of the I-I.
Similarly
the koan of the sound of one hand clapping, is to lead the practitioner
after initial break-through into I-I not to get stuck in dead water and
attached to the Absolute. To direct practitioner to see the ten
thousand faces of presence face to face. In this case, it is that
“Sound” of one hand clapping.
Whether
one hand claps or before both hands clap, what is that sound? It
attempts to lead the practitioner into just that “Sound”. All along
there is only one hand clapping, two hands (duality) are not needed. It
is similar to contemplating "in hearing always only sound, no hearer".
As
for the empty and non-arisen nature of that Sound, zen koans have not
(imo) been able to effectively point to the non-arisen and emptiness of
one’s radiance clarity.”
Someone told me about having been through insights of no self and then progressing to a realisation of the ground of being.
I replied:
Hi ____
Thanks for the sharing.
This
is the I AM realization. Had that realisation after contemplating
Before birth, who am I? For two years. It’s an important realization.
Many people had insights into certain aspects of no self, impersonality,
and “dry non dual experience” without doubtless realization of
Presence. Therefore I AM realisation is a progression for them.
Similarly
in Zen, asking who am I is to directly experience presence. How about
asking a koan of what is the cup? What is the chirping bird, the thunder
clap? What is its purpose?
When
I talked about anatta, it is a direct insight of Presence and
recognizing what we called background presence, is in the forms and
colours, sounds and sensations, clean and pure. Authentication is be
authenticated by all things. Also there is no presence other than that.
What we call background is really just an image of foreground Presence,
even when Presence is assuming its subtle formless all pervasiveness.
However
due to ignorance, we have a very inherent and dual view, if we do see
through the nature of presence, the mind continues to be influenced by
dualistic and inherent tendencies. Many teach to overcome it through
mere non conceptuality but this is highly misleading.
Thusness also wrote:
The
anatta I realized is quite unique. It is not just a realization of
no-self. But it must first have an intuitive insight of Presence.
Otherwise will have to reverse the phases of insights
I think that there is no one who has not heard the name Descartes.
Rene Descartes (1596-1650) was a great philosopher and mathematician
born in France. He was a contemporary with the great physicist, Galileo
Galilei (1564-1642), born in Italy Descartes, in Discourse on the
Method, a work published in 1637, wrote, “I think, therefore I am.”1
These words, signifying the comprehension of the existence of the self
as a reality beyond doubt, formed probably the most famous and most
important proposition in the history of modern philosophy. For that
reason Descartes is called the Father of Modern Philosophy.
The process of Descartes’ cognitive methodology in the Discourse on
the Method is, to put it simply: “If something can be doubted even a
little, it must be completely rejected.” Those things which we usually
think of as correct must be completely rejected should there be even the
faintest doubt about them. In such a process even the proposition that 1
+ 1 = 2, which seems to be self-evident reasoning, is rejected.
However, Descartes asserts that the one thing that cannot be excluded
and remains last of all is the perception “I think, therefore I am.” Is
this true? Should this be rejected? Certainly there is a self which
thinks about the self thinking. This fact cannot be denied.
But was Descartes really right?
Descartes was mistaken. I cannot help but say so. Perhaps someone
will say to me, “Do you really think that you have the knowledge and
intelligence sufficient to refute the conclusion drawn by one of the
greatest thinkers known to us, someone who thoroughly thought through
the problem and reached a conclusion affirmed by everyone?” It goes
without saying that I do not have the knowledge and intelligence of
Descartes. However, this is not a question of knowledge and
intelligence. It is rather a question of the real world discovered
through experience.
Descartes is mistaken in a number of points.First of all, the
proposition itself, “I think, therefore I am” is a tautological
contradiction. The contradiction lies in the fact that while the
proposition seeks to show the process whereby one can know the existence
of “I,” already from the start it is presupposing that existence in the
words, “I think.” This contradiction seems at first to be only a matter
of word usage and not something essential to the argument. However, it
is really closely tied up with the essence of the problem.
To think about “Is this correct? Is this mistaken?” is something
that cannot be denied. “Thinking” is a reality that cannot be excluded.
Up to this point it is true just as Descartes maintained. However, the
next step in which Descartes knows the existence of “I” by “therefore I
am” is where Descartes fell into error. Where in the world did Descartes
bring in this “I”? Where in the world did Descartes find this “I”? I
must say that as soon as Descartes started with “I think,” he already
had fallen into this error.
“Thinking” is a reality that cannot be denied. But there is nothing
beyond that reality of “thinking.” No matter where you look, something
called “I” does not exist. No matter how much intellectual knowledge you
may have, insofar as you do not have this experience, you cannot
discover this world. “I think, therefore I am” must be re-phrased as
“Thinking, but there is no I.”
When Master Joshu was asked what was the world discovered by
Shakyamuni (What was the meaning of Bodhidharma’s coming from the West?)
he answered, “The oak tree in the garden.” This is a famous koan in the
Gateless Gate (Mumonkan).Jôshû is presenting the world of “Thinking,
but there is no I.” The oak tree in the garden, besides that tree
nothing else exists in heaven or earth--an even less so, a “Joshu” who
is looking at it. This is the world that is manifested in this
utterance.
“The oak tree in the garden, but there is no I.”
1The original French is: Je pense, donc je suis. This was rendered
into Latin by a priest friend of Descartes as “Cogito ergo sum.”
Question: What is the mind of void and calm, numinous awareness?
Chinul: What has just asked me this question is precisely your mind
of void and calm, numinous awareness. Why not trace back its radiance
rather than search for it outside? For your benefit I will now point
straight to your original mind so that you can awaken to it. Clear your
minds and listen to my words.
From morning until evening, all during the 12 periods of the day,
during all your actions and activities - whether seeing, hearing,
laughing, talking, whether angry of happy, whether doing evil or good -
ultimately who is it that is able to perform all these actions? Speak!
If you say that it is the physical body which is acting, then at the
moment when a man's life comes to an end, even though the body has not
yet decayed, how is it that the eyes cannot see, the ears cannot hear,
the nose cannot smell, the tongue cannot talk, the hands cannot grasp,
the feet cannot run?
You should know that what is capable of seeing, hearing, moving and
acting has to be your original mind; it is not your physical body.
Furthermore, the four elements which make up the physical body are by
nature void; they are like images in a mirror of the moon's reflection
in water. How can they be clear and constantly aware, always bright and
never obscured - and, upon activation, be able to put into operation
sublime functions as numerous as the sands of the Ganges? For this
reason it is said: "Drawing water and carrying firewood are spiritual
powers and sublime functions."
There are many points at which to enter the noumenon. I will
indicate one approach which will allow you to return to the source.
Chinul: Do you hear the sound of that crow cawing and that magpie calling?
Student: Yes.
Chinul: Trace them back and listen to your hearing-nature. Do you hear any sounds?
Student: At that place, sound and discrimination do not obtain.
Chinul: Marvelous! Marvelous! This is Avalokitesvara's method for
entering the noumenon. Let me ask you again. You said that sounds and
discrimination do not obtain at that place. But since they do not
obtain, isn't the hearing-nature just empty space at such a time?
Student: Originally it is not empty. It is always bright and never obscured.
I often say, self enquiry is not a mantra. It's not something you just repeat mentally "who am i.. who am i..." it's not that sort of practice. It is an investigation, an exploration, an inquiry into the true nature of identity and the true nature of consciousness.
The inquiry/koan "Before Birth, who am I?" has a dual purpose: the elimination of all conceptual identification (ego) and to discover one's underlying radiant Consciousness, or Pure Presence/Beingness.
During my journey of self-enquiry, which spanned over two years (2008-Feb 2010), involving meditative contemplations such as “before birth, who am I?” During the process, this line of questioning, we eliminate all the candidates for my self -- I am not my hands, my legs, my name, my thoughts. They come and go and are observed, they are not me. So what am I? As John Tan said before, “you cannot know the “Ultimate Source” without the process of elimination”. What does it eliminate? The conceptual identification of self with various mentally constructed and perceived objects. This is why "before birth" is asked, as it directs the mind to this elimination. And what does that elimination reveal? Who am I, what is this radiant Being that stands alone revealed after that process of elimination?
Ramana Maharshi said:
"1. Who am I ?
The gross body which is composed of the seven humours (dhatus), I am not; the five cognitive sense organs, viz. the senses of hearing, touch, sight, taste, and smell, which apprehend their respective objects, viz. sound, touch, colour, taste, and odour, I am not; the five cognitive sense- organs, viz. the organs of speech, locomotion, grasping, excretion, and procreation, which have as their respective functions speaking, moving, grasping, excreting, and enjoying, I am not; the five vital airs, prana, etc., which perform respectively the five functions of in-breathing, etc., I am not; even the mind which thinks, I am not; the nescience too, which is endowed only with the residual impressions of objects, and in which there are no objects and no functioning’s, I am not.
2. If I am none of these, then who am I?
After negating all of the above-mentioned as ‘not this’, ‘not this’, that Awareness which alone remains - that I am.
3. What is the nature of Awareness?
The nature of Awareness is existence-consciousness-bliss"
This line of questioning (before birth, who am I?) led me to a moment in silent meditation where everything subsided, leaving only a doubtless unshakeable certainty of pure existence and presence.
So eliminating concepts until none is left with some prompting like self enquiry or zen koan will allow one to reach a complete state of stillness (stillness of the conceptual mind) and authenticate presence/clarity/radiance directly.
While this method effectively dissolves conceptual attachments and reveals the radiant core of Consciousness, it fails to address the view of inherency and the dualities of subject and object or the deeper insight of both self and phenomena as merely nominal and overcome views that reifies the four extremes. Sometimes we call it "inherentness" in short, and inherentness means concepts being reified and mistaken as real. But that requires deeper insights and realisations and is crucial for releasing the deeper afflictive and knowledge obscurations. Merely the pausing of conceptual thinking or even revealing one's Radiance is insufficient to realise its nature.
At this point, after radiance is realized, as John Tan points out, "before we can hop into the next path and focus on radiance and natural state, without recognizing implication of conventional and seeing through them, there will be ongoing cognitive as well as emotional obscurations. How deep and far can you go? Much less talking about natural state when one can't even distinguish what is conventional and what is ultimate."
As John Tan said before,
“When we authenticate radiance clarity directly, we have a first hand experiential taste of what is called the "ultimate free from all conceptual elaborations" but mind is not "free from conceptual elaborations".”
John Tan also said before: "If non-conceptuality does not end up in non-mentation,
then it will have to involve special insight that sees through
conventional constructs that lead to direct authentication of
suchness/pure appearances. Experiential insight of this relationship
between the dissolution of mental constructs and empty clarity is
Prajna. Realising this, one can then extend to body-construct and
eventually to all other much more subtle constructs until natural state
free of any artificialities."
"Actually anatta is a good direct
method of pointing, analysis can later be used to support this direct
experiential insight. Not easy for the path of analysis to trigger such
insight. It will have to have a sudden leap or break-through much like
koan."
(Commenting on someone else:) "This is like freedom from
all elaborations into natural state. But instead of realizing the
natural state that is primordially pure, one can be misled and led into
non-conceptuality of non-mentation."
I also wrote some time back:
"Seeing selfness or cognizance as a subject and phenomena as objects is the fundamental elaboration that prevents the taste of appearances as radiance clarity.. then even after anatta, there are still the subtle cognitive obscurations that reified phenomena, arising and ceasing, substantial cause and effect, inherent production and so on.
So elaboration is not just coarse thinking like labelling but to me is like a veil of reification projecting and distorting radiant appearances and its nature.
Another way to put it is that the fundamental conceptual elaboration that obscures reality/suchness is to reify self and phenomena in terms of the extremes of existence and non existence through not apprehending the nature of mind/appearance.
...
If you mean just authenticate radiance clarity like I AM, then it’s just nonconceptual taste and realisation of presence.
That moment is nondual and nonconceptual and unfabricated but it doesnt mean the view of inherency is seen through. Since fundamental ignorance is untouched the radiance will continue to be distorted into a subject and object."
"The process of eradicating avidyā (ignorance) is conceived… not as a mere stopping of thought, but as the active realization of the opposite of what ignorance misconceives. Avidyā is not a mere absence of knowledge, but a specific misconception, and it must be removed by realization of its opposite. In this vein, Tsongkhapa says that one cannot get rid of the misconception of 'inherent existence' merely by stopping conceptuality any more than one can get rid of the idea that there is a demon in a darkened cave merely by trying not to think about it. Just as one must hold a lamp and see that there is no demon there, so the illumination of wisdom is needed to clear away the darkness of ignorance." - Napper, Elizabeth, 2003, p. 103"
It is important however to note that Gelug and non Gelug authors may have different definitions of conceptualities, as John Tan pointed out years ago: “Not exactly, both have some very profound points. Mipham "conceptualities" is not only referring to symbolic layering but also self-view which is more crucial. Mipham made it very clear and said the gelug mistake "conceptualities" as just symbolic and mental overlay, which is not what he is referring then he laid down 3 types of conceptualities. Same for dharmakirti also...there is the gross definition and the more refine definitions.”
However, for the purpose of beginners trying to realize the I AM, just going through and focusing on self-enquiry and the process of elimination mentioned earlier is sufficient to result in Self Realisation.
Question: "What are the simplified steps to self enquiry/I AM as referred to in the ATR guide?"
Answer: "For the purpose of the initial awakening:
“Hi Mr. H,
In addition to what you wrote, I hope to convey another dimension of Presence to you. That is Encountering Presence in its first impression, unadulterated and full blown in stillness.
So after reading it, just feel it with your entire body-mind and forgot about it. Don't let it corrupt your mind.😝
Presence, Awareness, Beingness, Isness are all synonyms. There can be all sorts of definitions but all these are not the path to it. The path to it must be non-conceptual and direct. This is the only way.
When contemplating the koan "before birth who am I", the thinking mind attempts to seek into it's memory bank for similar experiences to get an answer. This is how the thinking mind works - compare, categorize and measure in order to understand.
However, when we encounter such a koan, the mind reaches its limit when it tries to penetrate its own depth with no answer. There will come a time when the mind exhausts itself and come to a complete standstill and from that stillness comes an earthshaking BAM!
I. Just I.
Before birth this I, a thousand years ago this I, a thousand later this I. I AM I.
It is without any arbitrary thoughts, any comparisons. It fully authenticates it's own clarity, it's own existence, ITSELF in clean, pure, direct non-conceptuality. No why, no because.
Just ITSELF in stillness nothing else.
Intuit the vipassana and the samantha. Intuit the total exertion and realization. The essence of message must be raw and uncontaminated by words.
The inquiry that leads to first awakening is a funny thing. We want to know “how” precisely to do that inquiry, which is completely understandable. The thing is that it’s not wholly conveyable by describing a certain technique. Really it’s a matter of finding that sweet spot where surrender and intention meet. I will describe an approach here, but it’s important to keep in mind that in the end, you don’t have the power (as what you take yourself to be) to wake yourself up. Only Life has that power. So as we give ourselves to a certain inquiry or practice it’s imperative that we remain open. We have to keep the portals open to mystery, and possibility. We have to recognize that the constant concluding that “no this isn’t it, no this isn’t it either...” is simply the activity of the mind. Those are thoughts. If we believe a single thought then we will believe the next one and on and on. If however we recognize that, “oh that doubt is simply a thought arising now,” then we have the opportunity to recognize that that thought will subside on its own... and yet “I” as the knower of that thought am still here! We can now become fascinated with what is here once that thought (or any thought) subsides. What is in this gap between thoughts? What is this pure sense of I, pure sense of knowing, pure sense of Being? What is this light that can shine on and illuminate a thought (as it does thousands of times per day), and yet still shines when no thought is present. It is self illuminating. What is the nature of the one that notices thoughts, is awake and aware before, during, and after a thought, and is not altered in any way by any thought? Please understand that when you ask these questions you are not looking for a thought answer, the answer is the experience itself.
When we start to allow our attention to relax into this wider perspective we start to unbind ourselves from thought. We begin to recognize the nature of unbound consciousness by feel, by instinct. This is the way in.
At first we may conclude that this gap, this thoughtless consciousness is uninteresting, unimportant. It feels quite neutral, and the busy mind can’t do anything with neutral so we might be inclined to purposely engage thoughts again. If we recognize that “not interesting, not important, not valuable” are all thoughts and simply return to this fluid consciousness, it will start to expand. But there is no need to think about expansion or watch for it. It will do this naturally if we stay with it. If you are willing to recognize every thought and image in the mind as such, and keep your attention alert but relaxed into the “stuff” of thought that is continuous with the sense of I, it will all take care of itself. Just be willing to suspend judgement. Be willing to forego conclusions. Be willing to let go of all monitoring of your progress, because these are all thoughts. Be open to the pure experience. Just return again and again to this place of consciousness with no object or pure sense of I Am. If you are willing to do this it will teach itself to you in a way that neither I nor anyone I’ve ever seen can explain, but it is more real than real.
Inquiring that for two years led to my Self Realization in feb 2010.
And if that doesn’t work for you, try this:
“
Yuan Yin Lao Ren:
In the past there was a Master who contemplated, "what is the original face before my parents were born?" He contemplated for many years, but did not awaken. Later on he encountered a great noble person and requested for his compassionate guidance. The noble one asked: "What koan did you contemplate?" He replied: "I contemplated what is the original face before my parents were born?" Noble one replied: "You contemplated too far away, should look nearby." He asked: "How should I look nearby?" Noble one replied: "Don't look into what is before your parents were born, need to look at: before a thought arise, what is it?" The Zen practitioner immediately attained great awakening.
Everyone that is sitting here, please look at what is this before a moment of thought's arising? IT is radiating light in front of everybody's [sense] doors, the brightness radiates everything yet is without the slightest clinging, nothing is known and nothing is seen yet it is not similar to wood and stones, what is This? IT is right here shining in its brilliancy, this is awakening to the Way. Therefore it is said, "the great way is not difficult, just cease speech and words"!
“
---
More quotes:
I wrote to my mother:
English translation from Chinese:
Contemplating Zen [Koan] is about inquiring what exactly is our original face, what is our Self-Nature, it is not about achieving a meditative state.
It is rather to discover, to realize, what exactly is our Self-Nature/Awareness. One must reach a state of utter doubtlessness/certainty to be considered '[Self-Realization]'.
After the utter cessation of all thoughts, one must turn one's light around to find out, What am I? What is it that is Aware? If there is a thought which answers 'it is this or that' then that's wrong, because the real answer lies not in words and letters. Therefore cast aside those thoughts and continue inquiring, turning the light around. This is the most direct method to apprehend one's Mind.
You should meditate everyday. Master Yuan Yin asks his students to meditate two hours a day.
If you are unable to quiet your mind to a state of no-thought, it will be difficult to realise. You should think carefully what is the best method for you to still your mind? Is it meditation? Or is it chanting the Buddha's name and reciting mantras? Whatever methods which calms the mind will do, but you have to practice everyday, not only practice intermittently or occasionally.
However, reaching a state of no-thought is not awakening. Upon reaching a state of no-thought, continue turning the light around to find out Who is that which is the Clear Knowingness? What is it? Then you will realise your Self-Nature. Otherwise your meditation is merely a state of stillness, not yet realising Self-Nature.
Realizing Self-Nature is only Apprehending one's Mind, it is not yet realizing Nature [the nature of mind and phenomena] (the principle of the twofold emptiness of persons and phenomena as realized by a first bhumi Bodhisattva), therefore one must continue. Hence, "Apprehending Mind and Realising Nature" consists of two parts: first apprehend one's Mind (True Mind), later realize [Empty] Nature.
Therefore practice hard to Apprehend Mind and Realize Nature.
The Sixth Ch'an Patriarch said: It is useless to learn the dharma without recognising original Mind.
-----
Question: "Thank you so much for your kind welcome and answers. These quotes and posts are beautiful and I find them really useful, it will take me a bit more time to get through the further reading links. I think you are the one who posted theabridged ATR on SoundCloud which is what I listened to! Thank you again for that.
Strange that FB doesn't allow me to create paragraphs on desktop lol. In addition to the posts, it would be really helpful if there could be a summary of the abridged ATR guide in terms of steps to follow. For eg:
1- meditate daily (or chant mantras etc) to achieve the state of no-thought. Obviously step 1. My question: is Contemplating the Koan ‘who am I before birth/thought’ to be done alongside meditation (just focusing on breath when I realise a thought has come, until gradually thoughts cease)? Eg. if I do an hour of meditation, then half an hour on the koan? To be honest I have gone through periods where I can meditate regularly but then it can become inconsistent due to time restraints. I want to try to change this, please pray for me!
2- ‘Upon reaching a state of no-thought, continue turning the light around to find out Who is that which is the Clear Knowingness?’ This seems to be step 2, but I’m not clear on exactly how we turn the light around once I do ghetto that stage of no-thought stillness? Is this in visualisation? Or is this merely continuing to ask the koan/contemplating who am I before birth?
Please do correct me as having a numbered list of steps I need to follow helps me to make sense of all the info I am taking in and keep it focused when I refer back to it. It would be even more helpful if someone could sum up each chapter/section of the abridged ATR, there are many people with different types of learning difficulties and I myself know such people who I could share it with."
Soh replied:
I didn't do self inquiry in a step by step way. Self enquiry is a direct path, so you can awaken instantaneously if your conditions are ripe (e.g. Ramana Maharshi, Eckhart Tolle), but for me it took 2 years, others may take other varying periods of time. But you must have an earnest interest to discover what your Self is, so the inquiry must be genuine.
Here's an excerpt from the AtR practice guide:
"Soh:
Hi,
Steps are not necessary in self inquiry, because this method is meant to cut through all steps, thought-inference-process, conceptualizations, to directly awaken to your True Self. This is why Koan and Zen is known as the method and school of Sudden or Instantaneous Awakening, not gradual or step-by-step awakening. This is the Direct Path.
For example,
Hear a bird chirping.
What/who is hearing?
(silence)
Silence means you aren't trying to answer the question using your mind (because the answer cannot be found there - the more you try to figure out with your mind the more time is wasted because you are looking at the wrong direction), but instead you are directly looking at 'What Hears' and experiencing your True Self, your Hearing-Nature/Pure Awareness. The inner cognizer (I AM) turns within and cognizes itself, its true nature.
The pure silence underneath the sound is your true nature, but it is not an inert nothingness, in fact not even silence as such, but more accurately a featureless wide-awake space which perceives all sounds, all sights, all thoughts, etc. It cannot be understood by the mind. You have to trace the hearing, the radiance, the seeing, to its Source.
If you truly and successfully traced all perceptions to its Source, you will realize and experience a Certainty of Being, an undeniability of your very Consciousness which is formless and intangible but at the same time a most solid self-evident fact of your being.
However if during the process of self-inquiry a thought arise like "could this be it, what is Awareness, etc", just ignore the thought, don't attempt to answer them using the mind/logic, but continue turning the light around, asking "Who am I" or "Who is aware of the thought?" and so on. Turn away from all doubts to the Doubtless Certainty/Undeniability of Being/Consciousness, and all your doubts and questions are resolved in an instant.
As Jason Swason said:
“By turning the attention to the mind, immediately there are doubts. More thoughts rush in to question the questions, confirm or contradict other thoughts. A maddening cycle...
Notice when thoughts are paused there are no doubts; the certainty of (doubtless) Being is obviously present; the unquestionable FACT of EXISTENCE. Notice that the Being is ALWAYS presently shining, effortlessly and spontaneously. Stay with that undeniable non-conceptual confidence. Your Being has always been present for every single experience. That natural cognition in which all experiences arise is not a person.
Be as you ARE and not what you imagine yourself to be.”
…
“I was doing self inquiry yesterday with my back straight and legs crossed in the position of sitting meditation, contemplating 'Who am I', 'Before Birth Who am I'... with an intense desire to know the truth of my being. As the thoughts subside, an intense and palpable sense of beingness and presence, the only 'thing' that remains that I feel to be my innermost essence... became very obvious... very very vivid and intense, and feels like a constant background in which everything is taking place, thoughts (almost none at that moment, but arise afterwards) that arise are also taking place in this unchanging background... and there is this certainty and doubtlessness about this I AM-ness, IT is absolutely real and undeniable. IT/I AMness/The Witness is the only solid and undoubtable Presence and is clearly present with or without thoughts.” - Soh’s E-Book & Journal, February 2010 entry
"
---
Don't worry about learning difficulty. Learning is of the mind, of concepts, what you are trying to discover is prior to all thoughts and concepts, it is what you are even before all thoughts, so learning disability cannot prevent you from discovering it in any way as it is not something 'learnt', it is just what you are and discovering what you are, your birthright.
Turn the light around means directing the light of awareness upon itself. Awareness, the radiant core of your Being, has an aspect that may be described as 'luminous' but it is not a visual thing, so you do not need to visualise anything. It is the intensity of your Presence-Awareness, the Knowingness of your pure consciousness that is called luminous, so feel and discover that intensity of your Beingness, that Presence-Awareness, even without a thought. Visualisation is a thought, what you are trying to discover is the essence of Being, of what you truly are, prior to thought. So cast aside thoughts and find out what are you before any thought?
As John Wheeler said ( https://awakeningclaritynow.com/awakening-to-the-natural-state-guest-teaching-by-john-wheeler/ ), "Right now, as you read this, you exist and you are aware that you exist. You are undoubtedly present and aware. Before the next thought arises, you are absolutely certain of the fact of your own being, your own awareness, your own presence. This awareness is what you are; it is what you always have been. All thoughts, perceptions, sensations and feelings appear within or upon that. This awareness does not move, change or shift at any time. It is always free and completely untouched. However, it is not a thing or an object that you can see or grasp. The mind, being simply thoughts arising in awareness, cannot grasp it or know it or even think about it. Yet, as Bob says, you cannot deny the fact of your own being. It is palpably obvious, and yet, from the time we were born, no one has pointed this out. Once it is pointed out it can be grasped or understood very quickly because it is just a matter of noticing, ‘Oh, that is what I am!’ It is a bright, luminous, empty, presence of awareness; it is absolutely radiant, yet without form; it is seemingly intangible, but the most solid fact in your existence; it is effortlessly here right now, forever untouched. Without taking a step, you have arrived; you are home. No practice can reveal this because practices are in time and in the mind. Practices aim at a result, but you (as presence-awareness) are here already, only you don’t recognize it till it is pointed out. Once seen, you can’t lose it, and you don’t have to practice to exist, to be."
Eckhart Tolle said in The Power of Now, "So when you listen to a thought, you are aware not only of the thought but also of yourself as the witness of the thought. A new dimension of consciousness has come in. As you listen to the thought, you feel a conscious presence - your deeper self - behind or underneath the thought, as it were. The thought then loses its power over you and quickly subsides, because you are no longer energizing the mind through identification with it. This is the beginning of the end of involuntary and compulsive thinking. When a thought subsides, you experience a discontinuity in the mental stream - a gap of "no-mind." At first, the gaps will be short, a few seconds perhaps, but gradually they will become longer. When these gaps occur, you feel a certain stillness and peace inside you. This is the beginning of your natural state of felt oneness with Being, which is usually obscured by the mind. With practice, the sense of stillness and peace will deepen. In fact, there is no end to its depth. You will also feel a subtle emanation of joy arising from deep within: the joy of Being.
It is not a trance-like state. Not at all. There is no loss of consciousness here. The opposite is the case. If the price of peace were a lowering of your consciousness, and the price of stillness a lack of vitality and alertness, then they would not be worth having. In this state of inner connectedness, you are much more alert, more awake than in the mind-identified state. You are fully present. It also raises the vibrational frequency of the energy field that gives life to the physical body.
As you go more deeply into this realm of no-mind, as it is sometimes called in the East, you realize the state of pure consciousness. In that state, you feel your own presence with such intensity and such joy that all thinking, all emotions, your physical body, as well as the whole external world become relatively insignificant in comparison to it. And yet this is not a selfish but a selfless state. It takes you beyond what you previously thought of as "your self." That presence is essentially you and at the same time inconceivably greater than you. What I am trying to convey here may sound paradoxical or even contradictory, but there is no other way that I can express it."
More on turning the light around upon itself, tracing the radiance of all perceptions to the Source so that you discover the Source that You Are:
Chinul's Approach of Returning to the Source
Question: What is the mind of void and calm, numinous awareness?
Chinul: What has just asked me this question is precisely your mind of void and calm, numinous awareness. Why not trace back its radiance rather than search for it outside? For your benefit I will now point straight to your original mind so that you can awaken to it. Clear your minds and listen to my words.
From morning until evening, all during the 12 periods of the day, during all your actions and activities - whether seeing, hearing, laughing, talking, whether angry of happy, whether doing evil or good - ultimately who is it that is able to perform all these actions? Speak! If you say that it is the physical body which is acting, then at the moment when a man's life comes to an end, even though the body has not yet decayed, how is it that the eyes cannot see, the ears cannot hear, the nose cannot smell, the tongue cannot talk, the hands cannot grasp, the feet cannot run?
You should know that what is capable of seeing, hearing, moving and acting has to be your original mind; it is not your physical body. Furthermore, the four elements which make up the physical body are by nature void; they are like images in a mirror of the moon's reflection in water. How can they be clear and constantly aware, always bright and never obscured - and, upon activation, be able to put into operation sublime functions as numerous as the sands of the Ganges? For this reason it is said: "Drawing water and carrying firewood are spiritual powers and sublime functions."
There are many points at which to enter the noumenon. I will indicate one approach which will allow you to return to the source.
Chinul: Do you hear the sound of that crow cawing and that magpie calling?
Student: Yes.
Chinul: Trace them back and listen to your hearing-nature. Do you hear any sounds?
Student: At that place, sound and discrimination do not obtain.
Chinul: Marvelous! Marvelous! This is Avalokitesvara's method for entering the noumenon. Let me ask you again. You said that sounds and discrimination do not obtain at that place. But since they do not obtain, isn't the hearing-nature just empty space at such a time?
Student: Originally it is not empty. It is always bright and never obscured.
Chinul: What is this essence which is not empty?
Student: Words cannot describe it.
Labels: I AMness, Self Enquiry, Zen Master Chinul 0 comments | |
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Don't conceptualize 'how to do this', don't complicate it. What's more important is that you really want to find out what you are and you inquire earnestly into the Source, into what you truly are. That's it. Day and night, whether in sitting meditation, or even in daily life throughout the day (as much as you can), you inquire.
Another quote from the AtR practice guide:
“Something I always say when you are doing self enquiry or any other contemplations and meditations, this is crucial:
"We think it's all about like, again, because of our modern mind, we almost think everything can be solved through some sort of technology. Right, oh, I just need to do it different, there must be some secret trick to inquiry, that's our technological mind-set. Sometimes that's a mindset that is very useful to us. But, we don't want to let that dominate our spirituality. Because as I witnessed, the intensity of the living inquiry that's more important than all the techniques.
When somebody Just Has To Know. Even if that's kind of driving them half crazy for a while. And, that attitude is as important or more important than all the ways we work with that attitude, you know, the spiritual practices, the meditations and various inquiries and various different things, sort of practices. If we engage in the practices because they are practices, you know like, ok I just do these because this is what I'm told to do, and hopefully it will have some good effect. That's different than being engaged, when you're actually being deeply interested in what you're inquiring about, and what you're actually meditating upon. It's that quality of real, actual interest, something even more than interest. It is a kind of compulsion, I know I was saying earlier don't get taken in by compulsion, but there is/can be a kind of compulsion. And that's as valuable as anything else going on in you, actually."
- Adyashanti
"
Question: “ Thank you Soh, much appreciated.
I'm familiar with some of the material but i'll work my way through it all again.
Can you say anything more specifically about the quality of the question "what is aware of self" as opposed to "who am I"? If it leaves me in an "emptier" experience is it necessarily a better question for me, or is it important to keep trying to deconstruct that ickily shifting sense of self that "who am I" points at?”
Soh replied: “ Who am i doesnt point at sense of self, it lets you see that the sense of self is not in fact who you are. You are what is aware and prior to that sense of self. So all objects conceived or perceived that is mistaken as Self are naturally negated as neti neti - not this, not this. And so you revert back to the Source, or the pure Beingness prior to all concepts and sense of self.
Who am i points at the pure I-I prior to all conceived sense of self and perceived objects. In other words it points to the same thing as “what is aware” is pointing at.
The fact that the sense of self is as you put it, “ickily shifting” is already a hint to you that it is not in fact who you truly are at all, it is not your true self. So inquiring who am I naturally negates that shifting sense of self as being a possible candidate for who you are. And so seeing this you naturally deconstruct that and trace back to the Source in self enquiry.”
Ramana Maharshi describes the sense of 'I' as the fundamental, self-evident awareness that is always present. It is the consciousness that knows, "I am." This 'I' is not the body, mind, or ego but the pure, unchanging awareness that underlies all experiences. Ramana often refers to this as the 'I-I' or the true 'I'.
To know that it is the true 'I' Ramana speaks of, one must recognize that it is ever-present and self-luminous. Unlike the transient thoughts and sensations that come and go, this 'I' remains constant. It is the silent witness to all that occurs without being affected by it. When all thoughts and identifications with the body and mind are relinquished through self-inquiry, what remains is this pure sense of being.
Ramana advises that through persistent self-inquiry, asking "Who am I?" and turning attention inward, the false identifications fall away. The true 'I' reveals itself not as an object to be seen but as the very essence of our existence. It is experienced as a deep, inherent sense of presence and peace, devoid of attributes, distinctions, or forms.
In essence, this sense of 'I' is simply the state of pure awareness, the unchanging consciousness that is always present. Knowing it is the true 'I' comes from the direct experience of this unbroken, self-evident awareness that transcends all temporary experiences and phenomena."
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