- I was contemplating and marinating in the "not found" essence I posted about a few days ago here when there was a marked changed in perception. I had been seeing the "not here, not anywhere, non-local" taste of everything that was coming up on the cushion and off. At one point I started to feel the whole phenomenal field as flux, then it spread to this body-mind. Everything felt like transient presence that is not found. The mind "interacting" with things was seen to have always been various clusters of conditions exerting themselves as the sense field. It was seen that it has always been this way, no center to anything at all. I sat there with my jaw hanging open for 5 minutes, such a giant sense of relief and gratitude washed over me. It felt like I had been involved somehow with keeping up the radiance of the transient field and I had just dropped that. The whole thing is doing itself, what I think of as me interacting with the world is just scattered transience, not found, not linked. My mind blew up and didn't come back together and it's so much better this way. Empty, Luminous, Not here, Not anywhere, Just flux with no boundaries, all boundaries were strictly conceptual. Fluxing gonna flux.2 Comments
CommentsAuthorI forgot to mention right before this in my practice I was starting to intuit the nature of grasping and how emptiness directly counteracts that. The feeling of "being involved" was grasping and then the whole field was realized to be always already empty. No more conditions for grasping the field itself, so that let go and caused the feeling of everything doing itself
I was reading this post about total exertion last night from the blog and it had this video attached: https://vimeo.com/36466564. While watching it I remembered of a mystical experience I had many years back during a psychedelic trip of seeing everything like this video. Seeing everything linking up with everything else in real time in my visual field. I remember at that moment I felt like I was the life force of the universe, the connection between all things. That seemed to be a peak experience of total exertion.
This morning while sitting, I got settled in the not foundness of the field and started to question time as well. The not foundness of time is also quite releasing. An insight I had the other day popped up: in direct experience there is no dividing line between sound/silence, vision/darkness, etc. Bringing in dependent origination of the vivid colors and shapes, I could see that there was no dividing line between the eye, light, the objects being reflected off, and the visual field. These vivid colors ARE the expression of the eye, the sun, the brain, the body, the room, the breath, everything. All phenomena are the full expression of the totality and at the same time are completely not found, weightless, nowhere at all. All hope of grasping something fell away. It is all just this.