Mr. WA

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That makes sense. I have definitely looked for the seer, thinker, doer, but in experience it is still very fast and very subtle. Very hard to catch, still a very automatic and solidified conditioning, I think. I recognize this is probably the deepest of all conditioning... the core sense of being "separate" from that which is directly perceived. However, there's still a great deal of aversion and craving in the body mind. Much of it is very powerful, very uncomfortable, and very slow to dissolve. My feeling at this stage is that this needs to be worked through before I will have the clarity to start to see the very subtle Anatta pointers. Do you agree?

I have definitely observed that clarity continues to get finer, allowing a deeper investigation, the more conditioning is dissolved. It seems reasonable that at some point it will be possible to finely see and dissolve the seer, thinker, doer.

Definitely hear you on the radiance part, I will continue to inquire. I am at a really strange place with that because of my whole psychedelic awakening thing. I definitely experience presence / awareness as a sort of bubble, but it never took over my identity. I have a hard time with the no-doubt aspect, because skepticism and doubting is a very deep conditioning of mine to begin with. There's more work to do.

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Soh Wei Yu

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Aversion, craving, everything can also be the fuel for insight investigation, the contemplation of the two stanzas, the seal of anatta is always already the case -- a dharma seal, not a state or a stage, so there is no need to wait. But of course you should also balance with some shamatha, some calm abiding practice, anapansati, or something that works for you.

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Soh Wei Yu

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You can try self enquiry to realize that doubtless certainty of Beingness.. when enquiring, just enquire without expection of doubt/doubtless/future attainment etc, diving straight to the Source, to what Self is.

Doubts cant help happening until the doubtless certainty of Beingness dawn just like cloud covers pass revealing the doubtless clearer than day brillliance of the Sun. At that time even if you want to deny that sun's brilliance that outshines all doubts, all thoughts, and indeed the entire world, you can never do it.

You can't force doubtlessness before that self-realization, and doubts cannot be forced to stay after self-realization, just like darkness cannot be forced to stay when the intense sunshine reveals itself dispelling all darkness, and it's not doubts per se that is the source of the issue, just like darkness was never an issue preventing sunshine from revealing itself.

So just self enquire wholeheartedly and meditate on what the Source/Self is until it reveals itself on its own. Don't worry about doubts/doubtlessness, it will take care of itself.

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Soh Wei Yu

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“Hi Mr. H,

In addition to what you wrote, I hope to convey another dimension of Presence to you. That is Encountering Presence in its first impression, unadulterated and full blown in stillness.

So after reading it, just feel it with your entire body-mind and forgot about it. Don't let it corrupt your mind.😝

Presence, Awareness, Beingness, Isness are all synonyms. There can be all sorts of definitions but all these are not the path to it. The path to it must be non-conceptual and direct. This is the only way.

When contemplating the koan "before birth who am I", the thinking mind attempts to seek into it's memory bank for similar experiences to get an answer. This is how the thinking mind works - compare, categorize and measure in order to understand.

However, when we encounter such a koan, the mind reaches its limit when it tries to penetrate its own depth with no answer. There will come a time when the mind exhausts itself and come to a complete standstill and from that stillness comes an earthshaking BAM!

I. Just I.

Before birth this I, a thousand years ago this I, a thousand later this I. I AM I.

It is without any arbitrary thoughts, any comparisons. It fully authenticates it's own clarity, it's own existence, ITSELF in clean, pure, direct non-conceptuality. No why, no because.

Just ITSELF in stillness nothing else.

Intuit the vipassana and the samantha. Intuit the total exertion and realization. The essence of message must be raw and uncontaminated by words.

Hope that helps!” - John Tan, 2019

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