John Tan also told me before my anatta realisation:
(11:20 PM) Thusness:    u never experience anything unchanging
(11:21
 PM) Thusness:    in later phase, when u experience non-dual, there is 
still this tendency to focus on a background... and that will prevent ur
 progress into the direct insight into the TATA as described in the tata
 article.
(11:22 PM) Thusness:    and there are still different degree of intensity even u realized to that level.
(11:23 PM) AEN:    non dual?
(11:23 PM) Thusness:    tada (an article) is more than non-dual...it is phase 5-7
(11:24 PM) AEN:    oic..
(11:24 PM) Thusness:    it is all about the integration of the insight of anatta and emptiness
(11:25
 PM) Thusness:    vividness into transience, feeling what i called 'the 
texture and fabric' of Awareness as forms is very important
then come emptiness
(11:26 PM) Thusness:    the integration of luminosity and emptiness
 
Also see: Tada!
  
http://www.wwzc.org/book/stainless
Dharma Assembly:                         Stainless
Dharma Talk by  
Ven. Jinmyo Renge osho                         
Dainen-ji,  June 9th, 2007 
 
 
                                    Everything is already open. The characteristic  of each moment of                         experience or “dharma” is that it is annica or  impermanent and                         sunya or empty, transparent and open. Another  way of saying this is                         that everything is “stainless”. 
 
                                    The stainlessness of this moment is not only the  fact that colours                         and forms are as they are or that sensations are  as they are; the                         fact is that this moment cannot be grasped.  There is no particular                         angle that you can take upon this moment because  it is too vast and                         it is constantly changing. You arise within it, I  arise within it,                         we all arise within it. When we realize this  through our practice                         then we realize that we too are stainless.  
 
                                    Sitting in the posture of zazen, there is  nothing to hold on to.                         Even if you were to grab onto your zafu to try  to hold it firm or                         hold yourself firmly to it, there is still the  zabuton underneath                         it and the floor beneath that, room all around  you and the air and                         the light and the sounds drifting through the  open windows. The                         moment is stainless, unconditioned, empty of  boundary and this is                         where you can release whatever you are holding.  There is no one who                         can possibly hold, nothing to be held. 
 
                                    The Buddha's  Teaching of                         impermanence is not a feeling about things and  it is not                         theoretical. It is not something that happens to  things, let alone                         something that might or might not happen to  things. It is how                         things always are. Stainlessness is not a  mystical shining void, a                         special place, a special experience. It is what  each and every                         moment already is. 
 
                                    How the bodymind experiences experience occurs  as mind-moments. How                         many details are presenting themselves as you  sit here facing the                         wall? Your noticing of them, when you notice  them, even if you are                         noticing very few of them, is very, very fast.  Faster than you can                         think about them. 
 
                                    As Anzan Hoshin roshi says in the text “The  Heart of This                         Moment”, 
 
In this open space, there is  little for us to be                         deluded about; we are not acting out our  fabrications and                         self-deceptions and so we can see them very  clearly.  Since                         there is little for them to fix themselves on,  they don't have much                         weight and so we find that they can shift very  quickly.                          Seeing this shifting is an essential part of  Investigation.                          Seeing how attention alights upon one object,  and then upon another                         and another and another.  Seeing how these are  not one thing                         and, although attention is continually being  disposed through habit                         and impulse toward localizing, there is also a  quality of shifting                         present.  Despite the fact that attention is  continually                         pulling and pushing, there is no continuity to  what is being held,                         to what is being pushed.  There is only this  shifting, this                         changing.  The impermanence of dharmas displays  itself                         openly.  In each moment of mind, in the arising  of whatever                         presents itself, radical impermanence is  revealed.                         
 
                                   When we are practicing we can see the movements  of attention                         towards habitual thoughts and feelings and when  we choose to open                         attention through mindfulness practice, when we  align with Reality,                         our actions are more and more guided by Openness  itself. But when                         we stop practising, the space of open  experiencing becomes                         cluttered with storylines and feeling tones;   snippets of past                         experiencing; bits and pieces of current  storylines; lumps and                         chunks of disjointed thoughts and feelings.  Contraction leads to                         further contraction. Sometimes you get angry.  You feel                         misunderstood.  You think you know what  everything is, what's                         going on, what will happen. One storyline leads  into another and                         another.  It looks like “this” and “this”. But you're not seeing anything. It                         sounds like “this and “this”. But you're not hearing anything. It                         feels like “this” and “this”. But you're not feeling anything.                         Except the state. 
 
                                    Out of all of details - the infinite range of  details you could be                         noticing - why is this thought  so important? Why                         this  feeling? Why this state?  
 
                                    It’s rather like this: Let’s say you are looking  out the window on                         a beautiful spring day, and you are seeing the  leaves and branches                         of trees, sunlight and billowing clouds and  birds. And then you                         notice a fly on the window screen. You begin to  focus on it and the                         more you focus it, the bigger it seems to you.  You can narrow                         attention so much that it can seem to you that  only the fly exists                         and the world behind it and around it which you  were seeing                         previously seems to disappear completely. But if  you release the                         focusing, the fly doesn’t disappear; instead you  see the fly                         together with the window, the trees and sky and  birds – you see the                         fly in context. 
                                    Similarly, if you focus on a storyline, the  world can seem to                         disappear. If you release the focusing, the world seems to come back into view. But of course, the world  doesn’t                         really “come back into view”. It was and is  there all along. And                         when you Wake Up from a thought, “you” don’t  make the world                         reappear. You simply stop focusing and seeing  sees.                         
                                    But whether you choose to sit there focusing on a  fly or a thought,                         or whether you choose to open around it to see  that the fly is                         arising together with the whole world, no matter  how your attention                         is in that moment, the world, the fly, you, the  room you are                         sitting in and a vast range of other details are  all already                         present, already occurring simultaneously. Even  if you choose to                         fold attention down and make yourself stupid,  the moment is still                         stainless. All you need do is let go of the  focusing and openness                         is simply how things are. 
                                    In reality, you can never be separate from  Openness. But you can't                         make things open. What you can do is simply  release yourself,                         whole-bodily into the stainlessness of this  moment. You can't                         release yourself into stainlessness by thinking  about                         stainlessness. If you are sitting around  thinking about                         impermanence, this is “gufu-shogyo-zen” or                         “fool's zen”. Emptiness or stainlessness cannot  be contained in a                         thought because not only is the thought empty,  stainlessness itself                         is empty. It's not a some “thing” or a something  “else”. It is how                         everything is and all that you can do is shut  up, get out of the                         way, and open to it. How do you open to reality? By                         practising  reality with, as                         and through the bodymind. Open to the reality of  the sensations of                         the breath, the seeing and hearing. Open to what  you are                         experiencing in this moment. Release attention  by opening to                         whole-bodily mindfulness and by opening to the  details of the                         physical space around the bodymind. Align with  reality.                         
 
                                    In the “Development of Buddhist Psychology”  series of classes, the                         Roshi says, 
 
The run on from mind moment to  mind moment is so                         rapid and the interaction between these in terms  of content (for                         example smelling something, disliking it,  blaming someone for                         leaving the washroom in such a state, thinking  about the person's                         other faults and then stubbing one's toes,  feeling annoyed about                         that and so on) is so rapid that the actual  sequence of the shift                         from state to state is usually not recognized,  let alone the shift                         from mind moment to mind moment. 
 
Through attending directly to how  we experience                         what we experience, it becomes clear that the  conventional                         understanding of experience is simplistic and  primitive because it                         takes what is really a process of moments of  knowing and constructs                         these into monolithic lumps of content. We then  begin to stumble                         over our own trips about these blocks and  structures and feel that                         the situation has a permanence about it that  makes real change                         impossible. 
 
No matter how we might hide in it,  no matter how                         convinced we might be of this stance, this  feeling, this state,                         they arise and fall leaving us exposed again and  again to                         impermanence, to anicca. 
                                               
                                    When we wallow about in the muck and mire of  self-image and act                         from the three kleshas of passion, aggression  and stupidity, our                         perception of ourselves and the world around us  becomes entangled                         and obstructed. Experiencing becomes piled up  and bundled together                         in tight, brittle formations of distorted  thoughts and feeling                         tones.  Like Jigsaw pieces of that don't fit  together, but                         are  forced into shapes to form bleak pictures.  And when this                         happens, we talk endlessly to ourselves about  who we are: seeking                         out blackness, calculating, mapping, propagating  a sense of problem                         and separation. But as it says in a chant                         written by Joshu Dainen zenji, 
Attention, attention. 
All is always stainless, 
each form is always formless.  
Aligning ourselves with the Way,                         
each dharma is always Buddha  Dharma.                         
 
                                    The stories that we tell ourselves about  ourselves and the world                         around us form as the congealing of attention  into “views” of this                         and that, but all around these “views”, the  world extends in all                         directions. It is only through focusing and  narrowing attention and                         choosing to ignore the context in which a  thought is taking place                         that we can convince ourselves that any view is  true, is final, is                         justified. 
                                    
                                    If you saw someone sitting in the middle of the  road, talking to                         themselves, hitting themselves with a rock, you  might say “Stop                         talking to yourself. Look where you are.” You  would recognize very                         clearly that such behavior is completely insane.  But when you are                         sitting on your zafu, you are doing much the  same thing if you are                         not opening to reality and are instead talking  to yourself,                         torturing yourself with your storylines. 
 
                                    Not long after I began practicing as a student  of the Roshi near 17                         years ago, I saw someone on a crowded street who  made quite a                         strong impression. It was summer so he was  wearing shorts and a                         T-shirt. But in addition he was wearing an  assortment of bags,                         many, many bags with many many straps  crisscrossing his body. And                         from these bags protruded an assortment of  gadgets and wires. He                         had such things as phones, transistor radios,  and many other small                         items I couldn't identify – dozens of them. From  these ran many                         cables and wires which were also looped around  his body. He really                         was quite an alarming sight and people on the  street gave him a                         wide berth as he looked like a walking bomb,  armed and ready to go                         off at any moment. Except that the majority of  his electronic                         devices were obviously so dinged up that they  couldn't possibly                         work. Completely oblivious to the reactions  of  those around                         him, he stopped at a bench and sat down. As I  was waiting for a                         store to open I stood not far away observing him  for ten or fifteen                         minutes as he disconnected and re-connected  wires, but it was                         apparent that nothing would or could work.  
 
                                    I remember being very struck by this man and had  various thoughts                         about how he could have come to be in such a  such a sorry state. I                         was looking at him, and then looking at me, and  then looking at                         everyone else as it dawned on me that through  focusing attention,                         he had become someone obsessed with fixing his  own wiring. And that                         anyone, anywhere, can be equally disconnected  from reality through                         focusing attention. And then I flashed on the  range of thoughts,                         feelings, storylines that I had seen come up for  me even while                         sitting on the zafu and realized that these –  these thoughts and                         feelings and storylines, propagating them,  rehearsing them, going                         over them again and again and again was what  caused “me” to                         crystallize into what I think of as “me” and  that all of this stuff                         must be questioned and released. What seems  “normal” is simply what                         becomes habitual. 
 
                                    As it says in the Jijiyu Zanmai Doka, “Don't  follow and become the                         forms of attention.” 
 
                                    We begin practising because we recognize that  something about us                         should change, though we're not necessarily all  that clear about                         what that is. Regardless of what we want to  change or how we want                         it to change or the fact that what we want to  change keeps                         changing, one thing is clear: we want change. We  might start off                         practicing thinking that we want to change one  or two details, a                         couple of things we don't like about ourselves,  but we'll keep the                         rest. So we try to practice on our own terms,  try to bend the                         practice into a shape that is acceptable to us.  We focus on what we                         like or don't like, but as we                         continue to practise, what we                         begin to discover is that it isn't just what we  perceive to be the                         ugly, gristly, uncomfortable bits that need  change, everything                         needs to change. And as it changes, what it  changes into also needs                         to be released to allow a space for further  change The stuff we are                         “comfortable” with is just as bizarre as the  stuff we are                         “uncomfortable” with. 
 
                                    Much of what we do when we first start  practising is basically                         swapping one state for another. A state comes up  that we don't like                         and then we pump up a feeling of openness to  counter it. We get                         lost in thought and noticing that, don't like  what we see so we                         attempt to pump up a state of silence (a jhana  state) to counter                         that. But once in a while we actually remember  to practise the                         instructions to actually feel the breath, the  body, open to seeing                         and hearing. At first, we keep checking to see  what the practice is                         doing for us, wondering how we are  “progressing”, but eventually we                         realize that all of this self-considering must  also be released.                         Trying to measure one's practice is a bit like  running around the                         back yard with a wooden ruler trying to measure  the sun or the                         moon. If you notice you are doing this, stop  talking to                         yourself  about yourself and                         practise.  Why? Because the                         moment is measureless but fleeting and you are  wasting time.                         
 
                                    When the Roshi says “If it is closed, open  around it; if it seems                         open, open further”, he is instructing us to  open to the                         stainlessness of this moment in this moment.  This is real change.                         What does he mean by “open around it”? He means  that you should use                         the noticing of any detail of experiencing as a  reminder to release                         the tendency to focus on that detail and open to  the context in                         which that detail is taking place. If you are  focusing on a                         thought, a feeling, one sound amidst countless  sounds you are                         hearing, one aspect of the visual field amidst  the countless                         details you could be seeing, open attention  around that one                         thing by  coming back to the                         practise  of whole-bodily                         mindfulness, open seeing, open hearing.  What  the Roshi is                         talking about is releasing habitual thoughts and  feelings and the                         movements of attention associated with them into  stainlessness,                         opening and opening further, not stopping  anywhere, not settling,                         not making yourself comfortable. 
 
                                    The truly odd thing is that when we become  contracted, we really                         think no one else can see how we are; that no  one else can see or                         feel how we distort and crunch our attention,  that no one else can                         see or feel the circle of sharp knives we slash  ourselves and                         others with. But the truth of the matter is that  we are                         broadcasting how we are all of the time and if  we settle into and                         propagate a state, it will make itself known.  Nothing is separate                         from anything else. Everything arises together,  at the same time,                         and each thing interpenetrates every other thing  in the                         stainlessness of this moment. All around the  states you experience,                         the world extends in all directions, but when  you bask in a state                         all that you will let yourself see is the state.  Don't be stupid.                         Open around it. Stop talking to yourself about  what you think and                         feel about everything. If you were as  interesting as you think you                         are, you wouldn't bore yourself so much when you  sit.                         
                                    
                                    Each day the sun rises and sets; the moon  appears and vanishes as                         the sun rises again. The sky is blue and bright  and then clouds                         gather and shower the earth with rain or snow or  hail. The earth                         shifts, mountain ranges grow and recede,  shorelines change. Beings                         are born and die, wave after wave after wave of  beings coming and                         going. What could be solid in any of this?  How  could you be                         solid when your experience shows you the obvious  impermanence of                         all things? How could it be possible that any  state you experience                         could be solid in the midst of all of this  impermanence?                         
 
                                    I was once speaking with the Roshi about my  father, now long dead,                         about his life, the things he thought important  and commented on                         how strange it is that we struggle and endure  and hope and fear and                         in the end nothing remains. The Roshi said ,  “Like an equation                         written on water, vanishing even as it's being  written”.                         
 
                                    Zazen is not just a matter of changing this or  that about                         ourselves. It exposes us to and reveals the fact  that change is                         what we always already are. 
 
                                    I speak and my words are already gone. You don't  need to chase                         after them because you've already understood  what you understood in                         the moment they were spoken. You see the wall,  but there is no need                         for attention to move out and towards the wall,  no need for you to                         try to “organize” the seeing. Just see. You  don't need to look                         further into that moment of seeing because that  moment is already                         gone and you've already seen. You don't need to  find “meaning” in                         what was seen because meaning was already  apparent and now there is                         THIS moment of seeing. It is what it is. It IS  the wall. Open to                         peripheral vision. Just see. You feel  sensations, but attention                         does not need to follow them. Just feel. You  notice a thought and                         you don't need to look further into it. Just  open to the experience                         of whole bodymind sitting on the cushion. Now.  And now. Pleasant                         sensations, unpleasant sensations are felt,  bright, distinct, gone.                         And now? What does it actually feel like to sit  here in this moment                         of stainlessness? 
 
                                 All experiences are stainless when attention is  not distorted. All                         dharmas arise, dwell and decay as one's world.  Penetrate each                         moment of experiencing. Penetrate this moment of  breathing;                         penetrate this wall, this floor, this mind, this  world. When you                         get up from the zafu and walk, you are still  walking in this world.                         All beings are met, all events are rising and  falling and this                         penetration into one's world is the essence of  our practice. Our                         practice is not separate from the world. Our practice is the                         practise  of mind stainlessly                         arising as world and world stainlessly arising  as mind.                         
 

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