"I can’t explain it but am taking it as a sign that “my” awareness really wants to know itself
"
Soh:
this is important and good, this means you are ready to do self
enquiry. doing koan or self enquiry without that 疑情 (sensation of doubt)
is not going to be effective, because it ends up like mantra chanting
"who am i... who am i". hsu yun's articles are good as it is about self
enquiry. it says if you are just chanting who am i like a mantra, then
it is actually more meritorious to chant amitabha buddha's name instead
but since you are enquiring with real 疑情 (sensation of doubt) it is genuine self enquiry
In zen it is said great doubt, great awakenining. small doubt, small awakening. no doubt, no awakening.
the
problem with most people doing self enquiry or koan is that they lack
that attitude or requisite... great doubt, great faith and great
preserverence
these three elements are sufficient
Absolutely essential for those practicing self-inquiry:
Great Faith, Great Doubt
On the pull between faith and doubt that can spark awakening - by a Zen teacher
Most of the work in Zen practice takes place while sitting zazen
because, in reality,
there’s nothing anyone can give us.
There’s nothing that we lack;
each one of us is perfect and complete.
That’s why it is said that
there are no Zen teachers and nothing to teach.
But this truth must be realized by each one of us.
Great
faith, great doubt, and great determination
are three essentials for that realization.
Great faith is the boundless faith in oneself and
in one's ability to realize oneself and make oneself free;
great doubt is the deep and penetrating doubt that asks:
Who am I?
What is life?
What is truth?
What is God?
What is reality?
Great faith and great doubt are in dynamic tension with each other;
they work to provide the real cutting edge of koan practice.
When great faith and great doubt are also accompanied by great determination --
the determination of “seven times knocked down, eight times up” --
we have at our disposal the power necessary
to break through our delusive way of thinking
and realize the full potential of our lives.