~ An excerpt from the book What Am I?

Many years ago, I had been doing the “Fasting of the Mind” as detailed at the beginning of

this chapter as much as possible for two or three weeks solid. I was working at home at the

time and was able to devote a good part of the day to it. When I had a task to do, I just did

it and returned to the fasting as soon as possible.

One Sunday afternoon, the house was quiet and I was sitting on the couch “fasting.” I had

become so accustomed to doing it every spare moment that I truly had forgotten about any

benefits or any reason for doing it. So I was not trying to accomplish anything or to have

any experience.

We have a clock on the mantel which ticks very loudly. Without attempting to, and I don’t

know how it happened, I begin to feel the ticks within my body, and then I was the ticking.

Even my heartbeat was synchronized with the ticking of the clock.

Just then I felt my “self” actually, physically, plunge downward with great force. The

thought came: “I just am.” The thought was not my thought but just a thought. The ancient

Ch’an Masters described this as being like the bottom falling out of a bucket of water you

are carrying, and that is just how it was. I’m describing this in words and thoughts, but at

the time there were no words or thoughts happening, just the naked sense that “I just am.”

I was not apart from it but had no intellectual or volitional part in it. It just happened

spontaneously.

When the self fell away, all that was left was what I can only describe as “am-ness.” I was

not anyone or anything. I was obviously, clearly just the am-ness of all, the being and

actuality of all, and all was just as it should be. This didn’t mean that everything was the

way the mind would like it to be or that the mind’s desired ideals were fulfilled or unfolded

according to the mind’s concepts of good and evil. Things are always just as they should be

according to our True Being or our “Real Self” – as they must be at this moment. This is

harmony with the universe.

An imperfect analogy would be something like a play or movie, where everyone was playing

their part perfectly. Some were “good” and some were “bad,” but that was how the story

was supposed to go.

There was an overwhelming sense of total completion and total fulfillment. This sense of

total completion permeated the entire universe. I felt that this must be the “bliss” spoken of

in eastern philosophy as well as the “peace that passes understanding” in the Bible.

However, it is not a feeling, it just is.

Then, a few moments later, time and space dissolved. And with it, all phenomenality, all

perceptions, everything that was appearing. That, too, was “as it should be.”

- 2 -

© 2012 Galen Sharp. All rights reserved. www.galensharp.com

When space and time dissolved, the only way to articulate it is that, in one timeless

moment, I was everyone and everything that ever was and is and will be. All this was

actually lived in less than an instant. On later reflection I understood it was what we call

eternity, and this is my (our) very being.

I must assume this experience is what some have called “Universal Consciousness” or

“Cosmic Consciousness” for “God” or just “the All.” This was far more “real” than what we

experience as everyday waking reality. My True Being was actually God’s being – not just a

part of it, but all of it. As an individual self, I was not God. There was no individual self, but

only God, appearing as what-we-are.

This was not a vision nor even a new state of mind. It was just what is when the mental

processes stopped over-interpreting the raw phenomenal perceptions and just let go of its

imagined need to control the mental processes.

The next thing that happened was that this Universal Consciousness also dissolved.

However, there is no way to even indicate in any way what was “upstream” of the Universal

Consciousness. There is no way to express this.

Afterward, I could only assume that this is what has been referred to by the great Ch’an and

Vedanta Masters as the “Absolute,” which is ultimately what we all are as noumenal, original

aspect. This might be conceptualized as “upstream” or beyond Pure Consciousness, but to

make any kind of concept about this is grossly misleading. It can only be a condescension to

indicate “it” with any word as it cannot ever be “it.”

This experience then reversed itself, and as time and space returned, so did phenomenality

and the thought came of itself to “just be.” This “re-entry” carried the understanding that

being what-we-are is the easiest thing in the world because it is spontaneous. It happens by

itself. It is absolute rest. This is all we ever have to “do” or can do. Yet, even that happens

by itself when the mind lets go. The sense of total completion, total fulfillment was still

there.

The only problem with “just being” is that, ordinarily, the mind won’t cooperate and must

assert the sense of volition as it operates. It can only lose this habit and “let go” as

understanding penetrates and dissolves this illusion. This, in essence, is really the only thing

obscuring our actuality, our absolute rest and total liberation.

(See Original Chinese text below)

Written by Yuan Yin Lao Ren

Published in the "Zen" journal, issues from the 3rd quarter of 1993 to the 3rd quarter of 1995

Gao Feng: Where is the master?

Master Gao Feng first visited Master Duanqiao Lun for Zen meditation, focusing on the question "Where does life come from and where does death go?" He diligently pursued this day and night, without rest or sleep. Later, he visited Master Xueyan Qin, who asked him, "Who brought you this dead corpse?" Before the master could answer, he was expelled. Despite numerous such experiences, the master not only harbored no resentment but grew more devout in his meditation. (Nowadays, people get offended by just a bit of harsh speech, let alone physical discipline. This shows how earnestly and sincerely the ancients practiced Zen. Such dedicated practice surely leads to enlightenment and realization. Shouldn't we, the younger generation, feel ashamed and strive even more diligently?)

During his meditation, the master once dreamt of his time in Master Duanqiao Lun's chamber, recalling the question "All things return to one, but where does that one return to?" This sparked a great doubt in him, keeping him awake for three days and nights. (In Zen, it is essential to foster doubt; when doubt arises, it encompasses the whole being, and good news is imminent.)

On the day commemorating Bodhidharma, the master went with others to chant scriptures at the Three Pagodas. Looking up, he saw a portrait of the Fifth Patriarch Yanhe with the inscription: "For thirty-six thousand mornings and evenings over a hundred years, it turns out to be this man." Suddenly, he had an epiphany and broke through the question of the dead corpse.

After his enlightenment, he visited Master Qin again. Upon seeing him, Qin asked, "Who brought you this dead corpse here?" The master responded with a shout! (His demeanor was extraordinary after enlightenment.) Qin picked up a stick (to examine further), and the master firmly said, "Today, you cannot beat me." (Very impressive.) Qin asked, "Why can't I beat you?" (Oh heavens, spare him this.) The master left with a flick of his sleeves. (Thanks to this move.)

The next day, Qin asked, "All things return to one, but where does that one return to?" (The compassionate heart of the world.) The master replied, "A dog licking a hot oil pan." (Knowing you can neither advance nor retreat.) Qin asked, "Where did you learn this nonsense?" (Who are you asking? It's because of Master Qin's dullness.) The master replied, "Exactly, I wanted Master Qin to doubt it." (Rightfully unyielding.) Qin withdrew. (What can he do but swallow his pride?) From then on, the master's responses were unmatched. (Alone above all.)

One day, Qin casually asked, "Can you be the master during the day?" (Fishing deeply with the hope of catching a golden fish; why harm oneself?) The master replied, "I can be the master." (It seems, it seems, originally, originally. He's lost his anchor star.) Qin further asked, "Can you be the master in your sleep and dreams?" (Adding insult to injury, unforgivable!) The master replied, "I can be the master." (Still not fully awake, how deep is the mud under your feet?) Qin asked again, "When you're in deep sleep, without dreams or thoughts, without seeing or hearing, where is the master?" (Please tell me, Master. Don't hesitate to strike harder! It's not elsewhere.) The master was silent. (The ancient Buddha has long passed; it's a complete defeat.) Qin advised, "From today, don't bother with studying Buddhism or delving into ancient and modern times. Just eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired, and when you wake up, invigorate your spirit and ask yourself where the master resides in that instant of awareness." (Don't deceive anyone; treat a 'live' horse as if it's 'dead'.)

The master then redoubled his efforts in meditation, vowing to be a simple monk all his life, determined to understand this point clearly. (Worthy of respect, a true man does not rot like plants and trees.) One day during a nap, a fellow monk accidentally knocked his pillow to the ground, making a loud thud, and the master had a great realization. (It's already late! Was this monk an incarnation of the Bodhisattva of Compassion?)

(Note: The text in brackets is the author's commentary.)

From reading this case, in addition to our genuine admiration for Master Gao Feng's earnest and relentless pursuit of Zen and his profound state of enlightenment, we also gain the following valuable insights:

If we truly want to transcend reincarnation and understand life and death, we must dedicate ourselves wholeheartedly to Zen meditation, focusing on a seemingly meaningless question day and night, in all situations, tirelessly. Only then can we open up to our true nature and personally witness the truth. It's not about understanding some literary meanings or being able to engage in clever banter and writing verses; that's not enlightenment. Nor is it about being physically healthy, living comfortably, and feeling relaxed and at ease.

It's crucial to have doubt in Zen meditation. With doubt, we can cut off false thoughts and accumulate explosive energy. When the right time and conditions come, like gunpowder meeting a spark, we can instantly break through and see our true nature. Otherwise, with incessant false thoughts and no explosive energy, we waste our time. As the ancients said, "Great doubt leads to great enlightenment, little doubt to little enlightenment, no doubt to no enlightenment."

Those who engage in clever speech and writing in Zen, though seemingly profound, only display a temporary facade. Their minds are not truly empty and clear; they always have something in mind. Even if they forcibly calm their minds in meditation, there's always something lurking, preventing the light from shining through. Without realizing their true nature, how can they calm their monkey mind and horse-like desires and achieve great tranquility? Thus, when adversity strikes, their previously peaceful and joyful state disappears.

Such people can't master themselves in their daily lives, let alone in their dreams. They can't remain unmoved in both favorable and unfavorable circumstances. Especially when illness strikes, they're unable to resist and suffer painfully.

Master Dahui Zonggao reprimanded such practitioners as being like mercury in medicine that evaporates upon heating, unable to be truly utilized. How can they transcend life and death, escape reincarnation? Therefore, we must earnestly and genuinely engage in Zen meditation, not just seek answers in words and theories.

Master Gao Feng's first two answers, "I can be the master," show good practice and are exemplary for us. We practice Buddhism to be masters in the face of life and death, not to be dragged down by karma and sink into the sea of suffering. To achieve this, we must first be masters in our daily activities, unaffected by changing circumstances and emotions, and then in our dreams. If we can't do this, how can we talk about transcending life and death? The root of life and death lies in the incessant wandering of thoughts, clinging to circumstances.

For practitioners today, it's already difficult to be masters during the day, let alone in dreams. Sleep is a state of semi-unconsciousness, and death is a state of complete unconsciousness. If we can't master semi-unconsciousness, how can we master complete unconsciousness and transcend life and death? Therefore, to transcend life and death and realize the Way, we must first master our state in dreams. Even those with bold and spirited dispositions, who can remain unattached and free from anger and attachment in daily life, often find themselves involuntarily carried away by dreams. Master Gao Feng's ability to be the master in his dreams, unaffected by dream demons, is a remarkable achievement of meditation. Without enduring great hardships and diligent practice, how could he have achieved this? It's not easy for practitioners to reach this level, and we should admire and praise them.

In contrast, many practitioners today are unwilling to engage in earnest and diligent practice. They avoid the difficult and focus on easy discussions of literary meanings, or they seek answers from others. After understanding some similar principles, they write articles and verses, believing they have attained enlightenment. But this is just living off others' leftovers, not truly their own practice. They can't be masters in the face of life and death. Their words and verses should flow from their own hearts to cover heaven and earth.

Some practitioners, upon experiencing a bit of meditative absorption, such as physical growth, levitation, cessation of breath, entering a fetal breathing state, or exhibiting some psychic powers, mistakenly believe they have achieved enlightenment. However, these are just illusions within meditation, far from true realization. In meditation, one must not cling to any state; clinging halts progress. Especially if psychic powers arise, one must not be self-satisfied, thinking one has attained something. Such satisfaction not only prevents enlightenment but also risks falling into demonic states. The fifty demonic states mentioned in the "Shurangama Sutra" refer to these illusory processes, which are obstacles to the Way. Practitioners must not cling to them to avoid falling into the wrong path and into demonic realms.

Some arrogant individuals misinterpret the "Heart Sutra" and "Diamond Sutra," saying, "Form is emptiness, emptiness is form," and "All phenomena are illusory." Since all phenomena are illusory

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and unattainable, they think, why bother with Zen meditation or chanting the Buddha's name? If there is Zen to meditate on or a Buddha to chant, isn't that adding delusion upon delusion? While these words seem correct, when faced with adversity or an unexpected accident, their beliefs crumble into nothingness.

There are also those who mistakenly think that once enlightened, that's the end. After their initial breakthrough, they believe they have reached the goal and no longer diligently observe and train their minds. As a result, their old habits persist, and they become arrogant and self-satisfied, failing to truly benefit from their realization. In the end, they fall into post-enlightenment confusion, still wandering in the cycle of birth and death. Isn't that a tragic waste?

Furthermore, some people, misled by others, use psychic powers to verify enlightenment. When their practice is effective, and they reach a point where their body, mind, and world dissolve into emptiness, clear and lucid, they mistakenly dismiss this as not their true essence because they don't experience any magical powers. They hurriedly pass over this crucial moment, a great pity! Having missed this critical opportunity themselves, they then wrongly deny others' achievements. This is truly self-destructive behavior. The ancients lamented, "Because it's too close, it's often overlooked."

Today, we record this case for everyone's reference, hoping that everyone can learn from it, improve themselves, strive upward, and attain true realization, so as not to waste their lives in vain.

After learning from and admiring the main character's sincere dedication to the path and his profound practice in the case, we should further discuss the subtleties of the case and the key to practicing the Way, so that everyone can clearly understand the intent of our school, thoroughly investigate the source, and not be misled by halfway efforts, thereby honoring the deep intentions of the ancients.

Master Gao Feng's first two answers, "I can be the master," indeed show good practice, beyond the reach of ordinary Zen practitioners. However, from the standpoint of "sudden enlightenment" in our school, they are somewhat lacking. Let's briefly discuss the subtle aspects:

Zen Buddhism emphasizes direct realization of one's nature and becoming a Buddha, not a gradual process of cultivation. The ancients said, " 'Equal Enlightenment' (Dengjue) and 'Wonderful Enlightenment' (Miaojue) is akin to wearing second-hand straw sandals." If even the 'Equal Enlightenment' (Dengjue) and 'Wonderful Enlightenment' (Miaojue) is disregarded, what about below that? Therefore, our school does not allow for an intermediate process and does not tolerate any trace of effort.

Zen—The Treasury of the True Dharma Eye, the Marvelous Mind of Nirvana—is naked and unadorned, without a speck of dust. With neither an objective external world nor a subjective perceiver, who is there to be the master of whom? Master Xueyan Qin, in his first two questions, "Who brought you this dead corpse?" and "All things return to one, but where does that one return to?" tried to gauge whether Master Gao Feng had completely eradicated any utilitarian thinking. Alas, Master Gao Feng was not yet firm in his practice and fell for the bait, replying, "I can be the master." Isn't this falling into the trap of relativity, of subject and object? This is not in accord with the naked Zen. In our school, such a response is considered "not cutting off completely." It's like binding oneself. By the time he replied the same for the second time, he had completely tied himself up, leaving no room to move. When the third question came, "In deep sleep, without dreams or thoughts, without seeing or hearing, where is the master?" he could only swallow his words and be defeated by the question.

Only later, when the time was ripe and his pillow fell to the ground, did he completely break free and realize that the master was not elsewhere. Everything, including the mountains, rivers, vegetation, and forests, is a manifestation of the master; the chirping of birds, the fragrance of flowers, the singing of orioles, and the dancing of swallows are all the marvelous functions of the master! What more is there to say about being the master or not? Weren't his previous answers utterly messy?

Finally, let's offer three alternative answers to Snow Rock's questions, as a tribute to our fellow practitioners and as a greeting to Master Gao Feng:

Question: Can you be the master during the day?

Answer: Eat when hungry, sleep when tired.

Question: Can you be the master in dreams?

Answer: The sun rises in the morning, and the moon sets behind the mountains.

Question: In the absence of dreams, thoughts, sight, and hearing, where is the master?

Answer: The great void absorbs light and widens the gap; the wind sways the light green willow threads lightly.

Labeling Won Buddhism a cult

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Elsewhere, I also posted in Reddit today:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/comments/18ibmwp/i_had_an_epiphany_today/

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