Meditation journal 22/5/22
I usually write a journal entry on Sunday, to see where I can improve in my practise. Any suggestions for my practice is most welcomed with lots of gratitude, coz my handwriting is quite bad like in pic, so I have to type it up lol.
Currently in the UK for a short trip. Had a lot of time to practise in the past week due to jet lag ( wake at 2am!) and being rained in, it seems like things have progress faster.
- the powerful boundless energy becomes permanently expanded and gradually becomes more expansive over the past two weeks, and feels impossible to collapse in. It feels like all sensations are infused with so much energy.
- A sense of illusoriness becomes more prominent in xp , easier to intuit when sitting still, eating and reading, less when walking around, but better than before. Things “feel” translucent, they are NOT translucent ; in fact they look very clear and crystal, it is a sense of translucency, I cannot express this well. The mind loses some sense of thing-ness. It feels like appearances are without core nor boundaries.
- I still notice a slight tendency to separate this body from all so whenever I notice I will relax and feel into body sensations, training the mjnd to see how similar body sensations is similar to other sensations , and dissolve the boundaries.
- The body feels v empty as though the energy here is emptied out more and more and the core is gone. Sensing the body I can just feel sensations which are so so empty.
- After some repeated training to see things in DO, the mind got used to it more and more. Eg in the tube, when I see my reflection in the window, the mind sees as DO, just the reflecting as a whole arising rather than the body of me here causing the reflection there. The links between phenomena is dropped. The whole field then becomes just DO, by itself, completely anatta.
- The expanse of reality feels sacred. Compassion flows into all, animate or inanimate. It is a deep sense of reverence when I see them in their such ness. Food, coffee, plant, animals, mountains, rain, toilet, blankets.
- I also feel a connection in my xp between all appearances.. i could feel this once the boundaries and core are gone and thingness is gone. It is like all energy is connected with each other and contributed to the manifestation, powerfully palpable, not just imagination and philosophy. It is sometimes strong and sometimes not that obvious, but if I pay attention it can be felt. Like how Mary berry voice on tv Is so full with universe energy right now, same as my breath, and the whole living room ;D it is like how Dogen describe his boat xp.
- I am at peace, very happy, very contented, occasional bliss here and there. Not much negative emotions for awhile now.
- There is a sense of sacredness, heartfelt gratitude, beauty, and compassion in most of my xp and I cannot ask for more.
Inspiring Yin . I love reading your writings because there's a subtle sense of transmission.
How is it relating with others in conversation? Have most dualistic knots been obliterated at this point? Asking with people because in my exp that really brings about the strongest sense of duality.
Sam Roff Thanks Sam.
Tbh I don’t know how to really put it in words, it’s been quite hard lately idk why (compare to before) but there’s a palpable difference
It feels very empty over “this side” /“this body”, equally like “that side” unlike before there’s a stuckness here and lightness the other side that informs me of a self.
it’s harder to be “self cherishing” when the energy opens up boundlessly bc I realise I dont pay as much attention to this body here but more to the whole field of arisings.. sometimes even more towsdds “out there” more than “here”. Idk, very hard to word it.
Sometimes I try to feel the usual way again, like a self talking to the world with strong energy inside the body, but whenever I drop back into the body it is just sensations, very empty, changing changing similarly like other sensations so the mind sort of don’t have a place to land.
It is freeing.
But I also realise I need to learn to see how other ppl see , for eg like my partner - dualistically sometimes - to understand from his pov. for eg he won’t be as fascinated as me for the mountains and the birds lol anyway I digress !
Thanks for the comment, as always, Sam!