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A reader’s question (paraphrased)
A reader writes to discuss the mechanics of awakening, referencing Angelo DiLullo’s view that the process is ultimately about dissolving beliefs. The reader finds it difficult to reconcile this "belief dissolution" model with practices like Vipassana or Koans: are these just subtle ways to change beliefs, or do they work differently?
Furthermore, citing Joan Tollifson, the reader asks about the "oscillation" phenomenon—where the functional and delusional sense of a separate self pops back up even after awakening—and whether this matches my own experience.
Finally, the reader inquires about the relationship between realization (Anatta/Emptiness) and mental health. They note a practitioner who realized Emptiness yet still faced severe anxiety, and they question how an awakened person can still be interested in "fiction" (movies) after realizing the dream-like nature of reality.
Soh's reply:
Hi Mr K,
Here are my thoughts on your questions:
a) On Dissolving Beliefs and Awakening
i) Is awakening just about dissolving beliefs?
It is true that awakening involves the dissolution of beliefs, but we need to be very precise about what that means. When we say "dissolving beliefs," we are not talking about an intellectual analysis where you replace one concept with another (e.g., swapping "I am a body" for "I am spirit"). That is just trading one thought for another.
There are billions of beliefs in the world. Dissolving the belief that "the moon is made of green cheese" won't help your awakening. The specific belief that needs to be dissolved is the wrong view regarding the nature of identity (Sakkayaditti or Self-view). This cannot be done merely by thinking about it; it must be dissolved through experiential insight.
Practices like Vipassana or Koans are not just "subtle ways" to change beliefs; they are engines designed to trigger that direct experiential insight. When you see through the illusion of the self via direct experience, the deep-seated "belief" in a separate self naturally collapses.
ii) How Koans work to trigger a quantum leap of perception in terms of identity
You asked how Koans relate to this. My teacher, John Tan, explained how Koans function as a direct method for realization rather than just belief restructuring. I am quoting him in full here so you can see the nuance:
"Alejandro, I would distinguish 'Unborn' and 'Emptiness' from 'Luminosity.' In my view, these are different pointers. The 'Sound of One Hand' here points directly to 'Luminosity.'
What is the method to guide a practitioner to the 'direct taste'? In Zen, the koan is the technique and method.
The 'Sound of One Hand' koan is a tool to guide a person to directly and intuitively recognize 'Presence = Sound.'
Let us use another koan as an example, 'Who am I before my parents were born?' This is similar to just asking 'Who am I?'. The 'before parents were born' here is to skillfully guide the thinking mind to penetrate to the limit of its own depth, and then suddenly stop completely and rest, leaving only 'I-I.' Only this 'I' as pure Being itself. Before birth, it is this 'I.' After birth, it is this 'I.' In this life or ten thousand lives ago, it is this 'I.' Ten thousand lives later, it is still this 'I.' This is a direct encounter with 'I-I.'
Similarly, the koan of 'Sound of One Hand' is to guide the practitioner not to get stuck in dead water and cling to the 'Absolute' after the initial breakthrough into 'I-I.' It is to guide the practitioner to see the myriad faces of Presence face-to-face. In this example, it is the 'Sound' of that hand clapping.
Regardless of whether one hand claps or two hands clap, before that, what is that sound? It attempts to guide the practitioner into that 'Sound.' All along there is only one hand clapping; two hands (duality) are not needed. This is similar to contemplating 'in hearing there is always only sound, no hearer.'
As for the emptiness and unborn nature of that sound, Zen koans (in my view) have not been able to effectively point to the unborn and emptiness of a person's luminous clarity."
So, the "shift" is caused by a direct encounter with reality (Luminosity/Presence) that triggers a 180-degree shift in terms of identity, followed by direct insight into its nondual and empty nature, which then subsequently alters your "view" or beliefs about reality.
b) On Joan Tollifson and the "Oscillation"
Regarding Joan Tollifson's quote about the self "popping back up" and the oscillation between contraction and expansion:
John actually commented on Joan and her teacher (Toni Packer) specifically regarding this issue back in 2017. I think it sheds some light on why that "oscillation" remains so prominent for some:
Conversation — 30 November 2017
John Tan: Joan is sincere. You know what is her issue? So is her master.
Soh Wei Yu: Toni [Packer]? I’m not sure.
John Tan: The problem is she can't break through. Means awareness teaching and living in clear presence of here and now.
Soh Wei Yu: She is not clear of anatta yet? How about Toni?
John Tan: No. There is a limit to insights and vipassana. Unless you are able to do away with self thoroughly, it is difficult to break through. You will need concentration or energy practices. Those experiences will complement what she needs. Otherwise she must forgo self in every aspect—which is even harder... lol.
Soh Wei Yu: I see. So Joan and Toni unable to break through self? You mean unable to break through “awareness”?
John Tan: They have insights into anatta. But actualization of selflessness is a different matter.
Is this my experience?
Although my experience of Anatta is quite stable, I do not claim to have attained Buddhahood. There are deeper levels of actualization.
However, I will say that as far as I can tell, there is nobody alive today that I am convinced has attained full Buddhahood (the end of the twin obscurations: emotional and cognitive obscurations) or Arahantship (the complete end of fetters). However, because John Tan revealed to me that he had achieved further breakthroughs in recent years that greatly lessened his knowledge obscurations, I personally believe that he might be close to Buddhahood, or at least much closer than me. There are also great masters in modern times who seem to have achieved it, but many have passed on, such as Thrangu Rinpoche or Acarya Malcolm Smith's teacher, Kunzang Dechen Lingpa.
There are, however, many who are on the "Bhumis" (stages of enlightenment), having experientially realized emptiness. But being on the Bodhisattva Bhumis does not mean one is free from all suffering yet.
In the Mahayana map, the 1st to 7th Bhumis are considered "impure bhumis" because subtle traces of emotional afflictions still remain, even though a Bodhisattva has realized twofold emptiness at the 1st bhumi. It is only at the 8th Bhumi (the Immovable Ground) and above—the "pure bhumis"—that one is freed from afflictive obscurations (kleshavarana) based on the grasping at a self, similar to the state of an Arahant in the Theravada tradition. However, even at the 8th Bhumi, subtle "knowledge obscurations" (jneyavarana)—the subtle latency of dualistic perception (grasping at existence of phenomena) that prevents omniscience—remain. Only a fully enlightened Buddha has removed these knowledge obscurations completely.
For more on this, I recommend reading this article:
c) On Ms. Y, Depression, and "Fiction"
Regarding Ms. Y, her issue wasn't exactly depression but rather severe anxiety. She is actually doing much better these days and is almost fully recovered as far as I know.
It is important to realize that awakening does not grant immunity to biological or chemical imbalances in the brain, nor does it immediately remove all emotional habits. Even famous spiritual teachers like Adyashanti have spoken about taking anxiety medication.
John Tan once said this about the misconception that realization equals immediate bliss:
"Actually I am also quite uncomfortable with dzogchen masters skewed towards neo-advaita awareness teaching and promoting spontaneous presence as heavenly bliss and no-self, therefore no suffering sort of erroneous view.
Not just tantric sex buddhism which is not difficult to discern if we have a rational mind.
I think [X Rinpoche] later corrected this narrative publicly by sharing his own intense struggles with panic attacks after his retreat, demonstrating that realization does not mean the end of biological anxiety."
I fully agree with John on this. Authentic Dzogchen teachers like Acarya Malcolm Smith are also very clear about this distinction. For instance, Malcolm wrote this a decade ago:
"So? This illustrates nothing contradictory at all my fundamental point, which is that as long as one is under the influence of affliction, one will continue to take rebirth in samsara, despite the fact it is a mere name and an illusion.
Moreover, there is nothing in this statement you produce which says anything even slightly different than Prajñānpāramitā in general.
Incidentally, the notion that recognizing "the nature of the mind" is adequate is really a pity. A lot of yogis crash and burn on that one. In fact, recognizing the nature of the mind is not even the path. It is the basis (khregs chod). It is upon that recognition (now we are in Dzogchen land), that one practices the path (thod rgal). And in the case of the bodhicitta text you cite, the path is the two stages, the bodhicitta texts themselves describe the result of the two stages and nothing more. Even ChNN maintains that."
Similarly, Kyle Dixon (Krodha) explained the difference between initial recognition and full Buddhahood:
"Mere recognition of vidyā is initially unstable because karmic propensities have not been completely exhausted, buddhahood is not one's mere recognition of vidyā though, buddhahood is the result.
Any propensities which have the potential for re-arising on the path are exhausted in buddhahood, and so the result therefore said to be irreversible. Buddhahood is described as a cessation, and what ceases is cause for the further arising and proliferation of delusion regarding the nature of phenomena.
For this reason, nirvana is said to be 'permanent', because due to the exhaustion of cause for the further proliferation of samsara, samsara no longer has any way to arise. However nirvana is also a conventional designation which is only relevant in relation to the delusion of samsara which has been exhausted, and so nirvana is nothing real that exists in itself either. Neither samsara nor nirvana can be found outside of the mind.
As Nāgārjuna states:
'Neither samsara nor nirvana exist; instead, nirvana is the thorough knowledge of samsara'
Tsele Natsok Rangdrol states:
'You might ask, "Why wouldn't confusion reoccur as before, after... [liberation has occured]?" This is because no basis [foundation] exists for its re-arising. Samantabhadra's liberation into the ground itself and the yogi liberated through practicing the path are both devoid of any basis [foundation] for reverting back to becoming a cause, just like a person who has recovered from a plague or the fruit of the se tree.'
He then states that the se tree is a particular tree which is poisonous to touch, causing blisters and swelling. However once recovered, one is then immune.
Lopon Tenzin Namdak also explains this principle of immunity:
'Anyone who follows the teachings of the Buddhas will most likely attain results and purify negative karmic causes. Then that person will be like a man who has caught smallpox in the past; he will never catch it again because he is immune. The sickness of Samsara will never come back. And this is the purpose of following the teachings.'"
(Source: Dharmawheel Scrapper’s Compilation of Krodha’s Posts)
Mental Health vs. Realization
All suffering and mental illnesses only truly and completely end when one achieves the level of Arahantship or Buddhahood. It is theoretically possible to suffer from various forms of mental afflictions at the lower Bhumis.
The Buddha himself was quite stark about this in the Roga Sutta:
"Bhikkhus, there are these two kinds of illness. Which two? Bodily illness and mental illness. People are found who can claim to enjoy bodily health for one, two, three, four, and five years; for ten, twenty, thirty, forty, and fifty years; and even for a hundred years and more. But apart from those whose taints have been destroyed, it is hard to find people in the world who can claim to enjoy mental health even for a moment."
As for the interest in fiction/movies: Realizing emptiness doesn't mean you stop enjoying life or art! It just means you recognize the "dream-like" nature of phenomena. I also enjoy watching a good movie from time to time. You can still enjoy the movie, even if you know it's a movie.
With metta,
Soh
