中文翻译: 超越“体验”：自我参究与“我是”证悟的详尽指南
Also See: Self-Enquiry, Neti Neti and Process of Discovery
What is your very Mind right now?
I recently asked a friend the fundamental question: "Who are you?"
His reply was: "The answer I have right now is just experience... birth and death are just events in it."
This is a common and significant starting point in inquiry. However, while it sounds non-dual, it often hides a subtle trap. Usually, when we use the word "experience," we are referring to the stream of the five senses, thoughts, and perceptions. But resting in the content of experience is not the same as discovering the basis of it.
Nafis Rahman, the editor of the Awakening to Reality Practice Guide, also pointed out this common error:
"Despite all the pointers in the I AM section I noticed that people still make the mistake of looking outwards or focusing on the sense-gates when practicing self-enquiry."
This is a very common misunderstanding. Many people misunderstand the purpose of self-enquiry, thinking it is about noticing the flow of sensations. I shared with him what I had recently written to another friend who was stuck in a similar trap:
"When you practice self enquiry, the purpose is to discover the Source of your being. So it is different from 'just sensations'. But discovering what is prior to all the five senses and conceptual thoughts."
When my friend then asked how to proceed—whether to simply look at their nature or trace them—I advised:
“Just find out the source. Find out what you are. Or you can contemplate: 'Before birth, who am I?'”
The purpose of self-enquiry is not to analyze the five senses or memorize dharma concepts, but to discover the Source of your being.
This conversation brings to mind a detailed email I sent recently regarding a common pitfall in this investigation: the trap of mistaking a "subtle sensation" for the Self.
The "Subtle Sensation" Trap in Self-Inquiry
Someone recently wrote about a recurring issue. They had attended a retreat where a teacher confirmed that the "I am" sense could be located as a "subtle sensation" within. For a long time, this reader wrestled with this instruction. Whenever they investigated, they found a "sensation and something else that isn't something," but fear would arise, causing them to reflexively pull back.
Seeking clarity, the reader consulted an AI chatbot (Grok) about this "subtle sensation." The AI identified it as "knowingness" or "bare awareness" (citing terms like rigpa or citta-pabhā) and described it as a final veil. The reader found this helpful, assuming this sensation was indeed the final barrier.
Why AI Gets It Wrong
I am an AI enthusiast, but I must be blunt: Large Language Models (LLMs) like Grok, ChatGPT, and Gemini are often misleading when it comes to the nuances of spiritual awakening. I have tested them with similar questions, and the responses are consistently disappointing.
The AI validated the reader's "subtle sensation" as "Luminous Mind." This is incorrect.
The sense of self you initially identify—that "first impression of a very subtle sensation"—is not the I AM, the Witness, or the Luminous Mind. It is almost always a coarse sense of self (or what Ramana Maharshi calls the I-thought). When you investigate it, it appears localized—perhaps in the head, the chest, or vaguely "inside" the body.
That is not who you truly are.
That localized sense is still an object of awareness. It comes and goes. Therefore, it must be negated in self-enquiry (Neti Neti—not this, not that). You must push the inquiry further:
- Who or what is aware of this sensation?
- If I am aware of it, I cannot be it.
(For a clear walkthrough of this, I highly recommend Dr. Greg Goode’s video: “A Guided Self-Inquiry Exercise - Greg Goode”).
The Importance of Neti Neti: The Process of Discovery
Why is Neti Neti ("Not this, Not that") so crucial in this phase?
As I detailed in the article Self-Enquiry, Neti Neti, and Process of Discovery, we must understand that the "I" we are looking for is not an object.
The mind is habituated to grasping at forms—thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations. When we ask "Who am I?", the mind immediately tries to offer up a candidate: "I am this body," "I am this feeling of existence in the chest," "I am this thinker."
Neti Neti is the sword that cuts through these false identifications. It is not about entering a blank trance, but about rigorously discerning the Seer from the Seen.
- Dis-identification: Every time you find a "self" that can be observed (a sensation, a thought, a location), you must negate it. "I am aware of this sensation; therefore, I am not it."
- Tracing Back: By negating the objects, you withdraw your attention from the content of consciousness back to the fact of consciousness.
- The Collapse: Eventually, the mind runs out of objects to cling to. It cannot find the "I" as a thing. This failure of the mind to find an object is the doorway. When the search for a limited self collapses, what remains is not nothingness, but the shining, borderless Presence that was there all along.
Without this process of negation, one risks settling on a subtle object (like the "subtle sensation" mentioned above) and mistaking it for the Self. You must go all the way until there is nothing perceivable left to negate, leaving only the undeniable Knowingness itself.
Ramana Maharshi said:
1. Who am I?
The gross body which is composed of the seven humours (dhatus), I am not; the five cognitive sense organs, viz. the senses of hearing, touch, sight, taste, and smell, which apprehend their respective objects, viz. sound, touch, colour, taste, and odour, I am not; the five cognitive sense- organs, viz. the organs of speech, locomotion, grasping, excretion, and procreation, which have as their respective functions speaking, moving, grasping, excreting, and enjoying, I am not; the five vital airs, prana, etc., which perform respectively the five functions of in-breathing, etc., I am not; even the mind which thinks, I am not; the nescience too, which is endowed only with the residual impressions of objects, and in which there are no objects and no functioning’s, I am not.
2. If I am none of these, then who am I?
After negating all of the above-mentioned as ‘not this’, ‘not this’, that Awareness which alone remains - that I am.
3. What is the nature of Awareness?
The nature of Awareness is existence-consciousness-bliss"
- continue reading at https://files.awakeningtoreality.com/who_am_I.pdf
A Practical Investigation: Tracing the Sense of Being
If you find yourself stuck "watching sensations" or confused by intellectual concepts, it is best to drop the philosophy and perform a direct investigation. This is a process of subtraction—stripping away everything that is observed to find the Observer.
Do not rush this. Validate each layer in your own direct experience.
1. The Layer of Possessions
Start with the obvious. Bring to mind the objects you own—your phone, your clothes, your home. Ask yourself: Am I these things? Clearly not. You perceive them; you use them. If they are lost, you remain. You are the subject; they are objects. This is the grossest level of identification.
2. The Layer of the Body
Bring your attention to your physical form. You feel the weight of the body, the texture of fabric, warmth or cold. Ask yourself: Am I these sensations? If you were to lose a limb, do "you" become less of a being? No. You are the one perceiving the body. Consider your senses: seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching. These are streams of information. You are the witness of the stream, not the stream itself. Neti Neti: I am not the body. I am not the five senses.
3. The Layer of the Mind
This is where it gets subtler. Watch your thoughts. "I am bored." "Is this working?" "What is for dinner?" Notice that these thoughts arise, hover for a moment, and dissolve. Ask yourself: Who is watching these thoughts come and go? If you can observe a thought, you cannot be the thought. The watcher is the stable background; the thought is the passing cloud. The same applies to emotions. Anxiety, peace, boredom—these are weather patterns passing through the sky of your awareness. You are the sky, not the clouds. Neti Neti: I am not my thoughts. I am not my emotions.
4. The Thought Experiment of Absolute Absence
Now, engage in a radical subtraction. Imagine you are suspended in a pitch-black void. It is completely silent. In this state, you cannot see your body. You cannot hear anything. Imagine further that you have total amnesia. You have no name. You have no history. You have no gender. You have no job. Strip everything perceivable away.
Ask yourself: In this absolute darkness and silence, minus my history and body, do I still exist?
The answer is an undeniable YES. But how do you know? You don't know it because you have a name (you forgot it). You don't know it because you see your body (it's dark). You don't know it because you are thinking (even if the mind stops, you are there). You know you exist because You are there.
There is a direct, non-verbal self-knowledge. A primitive, undeniable sense of "Beingness" that does not require a thought to validate it.
5. The U-Turn: Abiding in Source
In that stripped-down state, what remains is the Source. It is not a thing. It is not a sensation. It is the Light of Awareness itself. Usually, this Light shines outward to illuminate thoughts and objects. Now, turn the Light around. Instead of being aware of something, be aware of the fact that you are aware. Turn your attention back to that bare sense of "I exist." Do not repeat "I am" like a mantra. Feel the "I am." Sink into the feeling of simply Being.
If a thought arises ("I am doing this right"), notice it, discard it, and return to the feeling of Being. If a sensation arises, notice it, discard it, and return to the feeling of Being.
The Final Pointer: You cannot find the Self as an object in front of you. You are the Self looking. When you strip away everything that isn't you (objects, body, thoughts, feelings), what remains is not a void. What remains is Presence. It is radiant, clear, and undeniably real. It is not "your" presence; it is just Presence.
At first, you start to have passing glimpses of this Beingness or pure sense of Existence. Eventually, a complete and total doubtless certainty of Beingness or Existence dawns, and that is the "I AM" realization.
“I was doing self inquiry yesterday with my back straight and legs crossed in the position of sitting meditation, contemplating 'Who am I', 'Before Birth Who am I'... with an intense desire to know the truth of my being. As the thoughts subside, an intense and palpable sense of beingness and presence, the only 'thing' that remains that I feel to be my innermost essence... became very obvious... very very vivid and intense, and feels like a constant background in which everything is taking place, thoughts (almost none at that moment, but arise afterwards) that arise are also taking place in this unchanging background... and there is this certainty and doubtlessness about this I AM-ness, IT is absolutely real and undeniable. IT/I AMness/The Witness is the only solid and undoubtable Presence and is clearly present with or without thoughts.” - Soh’s E-Book & Journal, February 2010 entry
Don't Jump to Anatman: The Necessity of I AM
There is a common tendency among Buddhist practitioners to try to skip the realization of "I AM" (Pure Presence) and jump straight to contemplating Anatta (No-Self) or Impermanence. This is a mistake for those taking up the Direct Path.
It is crucial at the beginning to realize the luminous clear aspect of Mind or Pure Presence. Otherwise, whatever experience or glimpses of no-self one has is not the sort of Anatta expressed in Awakening to Reality, as explained in the article Anatta and Pure Presence.
In that article, I responded to someone who claimed to have gone through insights of no-self and then "progressed" to a realization of the ground of being. My reply was:
"This is the I AM realization. Had that realisation after contemplating 'Before birth, who am I?' For two years. It’s an important realization. Many people had insights into certain aspects of no self, impersonality, and 'dry non dual experience' without doubtless realization of Presence. Therefore I AM realisation is a progression for them.
Similarly in Zen, asking 'who am I' is to directly experience presence. How about asking a koan of 'what is the cup?' What is the chirping bird, the thunder clap? What is its purpose?
When I talked about anatta, it is a direct insight of Presence and recognizing what we called background presence, is in the forms and colours, sounds and sensations, clean and pure. Authentication is be authenticated by all things. Also there is no presence other than that. What we call background is really just an image of foreground Presence, even when Presence is assuming its subtle formless all pervasiveness.
However due to ignorance, we have a very inherent and dual view, if we don't see through the nature of presence, the mind continues to be influenced by dualistic and inherent tendencies. Many teach to overcome it through mere non conceptuality but this is highly misleading."
In the Awakening to Reality Practice Guide, I also specifically addressed this issue:
"Some people wonder if it is necessary to go through the I AM realization before they realize further stages of insight like Anatta (Stage 5). While possible, it is easy to miss out certain aspects like the luminous Presence. One can have non-dual experiences but it is dry and barren without the luminous taste of Presence-Awareness. Furthermore, as discussed towards the end of this document, the stages are not to be seen as purely linear progression nor as a measurement of importance -- even the first phase of I AM Realization is important as it brings out the luminous essence."
As I have emphasized elsewhere regarding the importance of not bypassing this stage:
"It is actually very important to have the direct realization of one's radiance, one's pristine consciousness or pure Presence. Without which, one's experience of no-self will be skewed to non-doership and one will not experience pellucid non-dual luminosity. That is not considered genuine realization of anatman in AtR."
Thusness (John Tan) also wrote regarding this specific necessity:
"The anatta I realized is quite unique. It is not just a realization of no-self. But it must first have an intuitive insight of Presence. Otherwise will have to reverse the phases of insights."
John Tan also shared an interesting point in 2023:
“This is why I asked Soh, which are the most crucial insights of the 7 phases? In fact, it is stages 1, 5, and 6. The difference between ChatGPT and us is 1 [the I AM/Presence].”
- John Tan
Soh commented some time later:
“That's why it's so important to realize Stage 1 first, the I AM.
Those who just go into no-self and emptiness without realizing one’s consciousness usually just end up in non-doership, nihilism, or intellectual understandings only. This is far from genuine anatta realization.
I see so many people online like that... even online teachers. And as Yin Ling said, even some monks, unfortunately.”
- Soh
Sim Pern Chong agreed and added:
“Yup... and that is something my circle of friends and acquaintances are also totally clueless about. Experiencing presence seems to be a rarity... even among people who have meditated. They can conceptually understand no-self... but cannot directly experience presence.”
- Sim Pern Chong
The True 'I AM' Realization
The true I AM realization is not a vague sense of an individualized being somewhere in the body, but rather refers to a non-dual realization of all-pervasive Presence.
Sim Pern Chong, who went through similar insights, wrote a few years ago:
"Just my opinion... For my case, the first time i experienced a definitive I AM presence, there was zero thought. just a borderless, all pervading presence. In fact, there was no thinking or looking out for whether this is I AM or not. There was no conceptual activity. It was interpreted as 'I AM' only after that experience. To me, I AM experience is actually a glimpse of the way reality is.. but it is quickly re-interpreted. The attribute of 'borderlessness' is experienced. but other 'attributes such as 'no subject-object', 'transparent luminosity, emptiness are not understood yet. My take, is that when 'I AM' is experienced, you will be doubtless that it is the experience."
Sim Pern Chong wrote in 2004 during his I AM phase:
“Who are we? Really
“The Matrix” is one movie that got many a viewer pondering on the nature of reality. I, for one, am a great fan of The Matrix. In many ways, although not exactly true or that diabolical, the movie is symbolic of the nature of reality. Many a times, meditation allows one to catch glimpses beyond the ordinary. There are some meditation sessions that literally redefined my identity and altered my perception of the world. I must emphasize that meditation is the major modality that helped me to understand myself better.
The Eternal Watcher- The True Identity
In one ‘awakening’ meditation, I came to a state of no thoughts. Such experiences are very hard to describe. This is because the explanation process itself, is within the medium of thoughts and concepts. It is impossible to describe a state of no thoughts using thoughts! Anyway, in the void of no thoughts, one naturally assume that everything must be an unconscious blank. However, that was not the case! What came next was quite a revelation to me. In the void of no thought, I perceived myself to be a Presence... Here's how I will describe myself.
"The Presence is all pervasive, yet un-intrusive. He seems to be in all things and observes with utter passiveness. He exists beyond concepts, beliefs and do not need any form. Therefore, I understand him as eternal.
He also seems to be the subtler state of myself. I also got the feeling that he existed in all my lifetimes or even more. If I were to name him, I will describe him as The Eternal Watcher.”
You can say that I was completely blown away by the experience. The ‘discovery’ of the Eternal Watcher was a very important event that completely changed the way I understood consciousness. It also made me contemplated very deeply and seriously about the possible existence of the Divine. These spurred me on an ardent search to understand and make sense of it all. I corresponded with whoever I think can help me unlock the mystery. These people included clairvoyants, other meditators, people on spiritual paths and new-agers.
From these investigations, it was discovered that others have had similar experiences as well. Based on the consistency and plurality of the descriptions by others, something becomes very certain to me. That is, a human being is much more than a body that can talk and think. The Human Personality, which is our character, is only an outer consciousness of the human. With regard to our identity, our personality is merely the tip of the iceberg. Within the human being’s psyche lie much subtler and often-obscured levels of consciousness. I believe these inner consciousnesses could be the different depths of the Soul or levels of being-ness even more profound than that. About the Eternal Watcher, he is ever present. You didn’t see him doesn’t means he is not there. Because the Presence is so close to the mind, it is not easily perceived.
Perceiving the Eternal Watcher was achieved through the relaxed observation of my own breath. The ultra-relaxed observation eventually becomes a purely passive allowance for thoughts to pass through my consciousness. This, in turn, led to a gradual shutting down of the mental processes of my physical brain cumulating into a state of ‘no-thoughts’. Beyond the transitional phase of ‘no-thoughts’, I became the Eternal Watcher. Experiencing the Eternal Watcher is not an exercise that I can easily brush off as inconsequential. It is not possible for me to assume that my perception of existence and life can be the same as before. Doing so will be blatantly self-deceiving. To me, the most profound experiences where not from doing something. They came from doing nothing.
I believed the Eternal Watcher is the individualized God/Source Presence within oneself. I also believe this Presence is Rigpa as described in Tibetan Buddhism. Some people suggest that the Presence is the same as the Oversoul. However, I am not too sure about this. I hope I am not confusing you. In any case, the only way to validate all these is to personally experience the Presence (Eternal Watcher) and these states for oneself.
That ‘no-thought experience’ was not the only mystical meditative experience. I have also experienced being a vast ocean of bliss. Ironically, the meditations that were attempted with an agenda of wanting to experience something mystical are the ones that are the least successful. Expectation puts a limit on how far one’s consciousness can go. For me, it was better to keep an open mind before sitting down to Meditate.”
John Tan also described the nature of this realization in detail:
"John Tan: We call it the presence or we call it, um, we call it the presence. (Speaker: is it the I AM?) I AM is actually different. It's also presence. It's also presence. I AM, depending on... You see the definition of I AM also not really the same for some people, like Geovani? He actually wrote to me saying that his I AM is like localized in the head. So it's very individual. But that is not the I AM that we are talking about. The I AM is actually a very uh, like for example, I think, Long Chen (Sim Pern Chong) actually went through. It's actually all encompassing. It's actually what we call a non-dual experience. There's no thoughts. It's just a pure sense of existence. And it can be a very powerful. It is indeed a very powerful experience. So when, let's say when you are. When you're very young. Especially when you are [at] my age. When you first experience I AM, it is very different. It's a very different experience. We never experienced that before. So, um, I don't know whether it can be even considered as an experience. Um, because there is no thoughts. It's just Presence. But this presence is very quickly misinterpreted due to our karmic tendency to of understanding something in a dualistic and in a in a very concrete manner. So very when we experience the we have the experience, the interpretation is very different. And that the wrong way of interpretation actually create a very dualistic experience." - Excerpt from AtR (Awakening to Reality) Meeting, March 2021
It is this very all-pervasive Presence that is then mistaken as the ultimate background, the ground of being for all phenomena to pop in and out while itself being unchanged and unaffected. Further insights are required to reveal its non-dual and empty nature. Elaborated in: The Mistaken Reality of Amness.
The Direct Path: Don't Downplay the 'I'
It is important not to mistake this 'neti neti' process that is part and parcel of self-enquiry with the Buddhist Anatman teaching. They are two different things. In Neti Neti and Self-Enquiry, the purpose is directed to realizing what Presence-Awareness is, what your Self is, what the Source is. You cannot downplay the Self. You can put aside Buddhist No-Self or contemplation on impermanence or no-self aside until later on, if inquiry and direct path is your approach.
As John Tan said (Posts by Thusness/PasserBy in 2009 DhO 1.0):
“Hi Gary,
It appears that there are two groups of practitioners in this forum, one adopting the gradual approach and the other, the direct path. I am quite new here so I may be wrong.
My take is that you are adopting a gradual approach yet you are experiencing something very significant in the direct path, that is, the ‘Watcher’. As what Kenneth said, “You're onto something very big here, Gary. This practice will set you free.” But what Kenneth said would require you to be awaken to this ‘I’. It requires you to have the ‘eureka!’ sort of realization. Awaken to this ‘I’, the path of spirituality becomes clear; it is simply the unfolding of this ‘I’.
On the other hand, what that is described by Yabaxoule is a gradual approach and therefore there is downplaying of the ‘I AM’. You have to gauge your own conditions, if you choose the direct path, you cannot downplay this ‘I’; contrary, you must fully and completely experience the whole of ‘YOU’ as ‘Existence’. Emptiness nature of our pristine nature will step in for the direct path practitioners when they come face to face to the ‘traceless’, ‘centerless’ and ‘effortless’ nature of non-dual awareness.
Perhaps a little on where the two approaches meet will be of help to you.
Awakening to the ‘Watcher’ will at the same time ‘open’ the ‘eye of immediacy’; that is, it is the capacity to immediately penetrate discursive thoughts and sense, feel, perceive without intermediary the perceived. It is a kind of direct knowing. You must be deeply aware of this “direct without intermediary” sort of perception -- too direct to have subject-object gap, too short to have time, too simple to have thoughts. It is the ‘eye’ that can see the whole of ‘sound’ by being ‘sound’. It is the same ‘eye’ that is required when doing vipassana, that is, being ‘bare’. Be it non-dual or vipassana, both require the opening of this 'eye of immediacy'”
Adyashanti on The Art of Self-Inquiry
Since you are interested in Adyashanti, his teachings on inquiry parallel this progression perfectly. The following is a relevant passage from his work, The Art of Self-Inquiry:
WHAT IS A SPIRITUALLY POWERFUL QUESTION? Meditative self-inquiry is the art of asking a spiritually powerful question. And a question that is spiritually powerful always points us back to ourselves. Because the most important thing that leads to spiritual awakening is to discover who and what we are—to wake up from this dream state, this trance state of identification with ego. And for this awakening to occur, there needs to be some transformative energy that can flash into consciousness. It needs to be an energy that is actually powerful enough to awaken consciousness out of its trance of separateness into the truth of our being. Inquiry is an active engagement with our own experience that can cultivate this flash of spiritual insight...
THE WAY OF SUBTRACTION: Before we actually find out what we are, we must first find out what we are not. Otherwise our assumptions will continue to contaminate the whole investigation. We could call this the way of subtraction. In the Christian tradition, they call this the Via Negativa, the negative path. In the Hindu tradition of Vedanta, they call this neti neti, which means “not this, not that.” These are all paths of subtraction, ways of finding out what we are by finding out what we are not...
WHO IS AWARE? No sooner do we get back to awareness itself than we encounter the primary assumption that “I am the one who is aware.” So we investigate that assumption, and discover time and time again that we cannot find out who it is that is aware. Where is this “I” that is aware? It is at this precise moment—the moment when we realize that we cannot find an entity called “me” who owns or possesses awareness—that it starts to dawn on us that maybe we ourselves are awareness itself...
THE GREAT INCLUSION: After the Way of Subtraction comes what I call the Great Inclusion. When we start to let go into awareness or spirit, we start to recognize that that is who and what we are. We start to see that everything in existence is simply a manifestation or expression of spirit, whether it’s the chair, or the floor, or your shoes, or the trees outside, the sky, the body that you call “you,” the mind, the ego, the personality, everything—all are expressions of spirit.
THAT WHICH REMAINS THE SAME: Nobody can force this flash of recognition into being. It happens spontaneously. It happens by itself. But what we can do is cultivate the ground and create the conditions under which this flash of recognition happens. We can open our minds to deeper possibilities and start to investigate for ourselves what we really and truly are... Ramana Maharshi had a saying, “Let what comes come; let what goes go. Find out what remains.” - Adyashanti
Note: The "Great Inclusion" marks the beginning of non-dual realization. Full Anatta (No-Self) usually becomes clear later—often through contemplating the Two Stanzas of Anatta—but it starts here with the inclusion of all phenomena in awareness.
Something I always say when you are doing self enquiry or any other contemplations and meditations, this is crucial—and Adyashanti puts it perfectly:
"We think it's all about like, again, because of our modern mind, we almost think everything can be solved through some sort of technology. Right, oh, I just need to do it different, there must be some secret trick to inquiry, that's our technological mind-set. Sometimes that's a mindset that is very useful to us. But, we don't want to let that dominate our spirituality. Because as I witnessed, the intensity of the living inquiry that's more important than all the techniques. When somebody Just Has To Know. Even if that's kind of driving them half crazy for a while. And, that attitude is as important or more important than all the ways we work with that attitude, you know, the spiritual practices, the meditations and various inquiries and various different things, sort of practices. If we engage in the practices because they are practices, you know like, ok I just do these because this is what I'm told to do, and hopefully it will have some good effect. That's different than being engaged, when you're actually being deeply interested in what you're inquiring about, and what you're actually meditating upon. It's that quality of real, actual interest, something even more than interest. It is a kind of compulsion, I know I was saying earlier don't get taken in by compulsion, but there is/can be a kind of compulsion. And that's as valuable as anything else going on in you, actually." - Adyashanti
Summary
- Don't stop at "Experience": If "experience" just means the flow of senses and thoughts, you are missing the Source.
- Don't Jump to Anatta: Realizing the luminous aspect of Mind (Pure Presence) is crucial first.
- Realize I AM: It is the essence of your own Beingness, discovered through self enquiry (who am i) and the process of elimination.
- Realize Anatman Later: Eventually, the view of an "inherent background subject" collapses. You realize that Presence is not a separate witness but is the seamless, vivid, empty activity of the universe itself—Presence is the sounds, colors, and thoughts. Without the prior realization of Presence, this is not the true Anatman.
- Keep it Simple: Don’t overcomplicate the 'how'. It is just simple, innocent inquiry into 'who am I?' driven by genuine desire to discover the truth of your Being.
For those navigating this territory, please refer to the Awakening to Reality Practice Guide. Remember, the words are just pointers; the point is to discover the reality they point to.
Excerpt from the AtR Guide
Someone asked, “Clarification on the practice of koan/hua-tou/self inquiry. Is the emphasis, the focus, placed on the moment before the koan is asked, or is it placed on the doubt/inquisitiveness that arises by asking the koan, or both? Reading Xu Yun, it seems that the practice is to create as much doubt as possible and looking into that doubt that arises from the questioning? There are some other descriptions however that state that to be a hua-tou the focus/looking-into should be done in that moment before the thought arises?”
Soh replied: “In Self Enquiry, I asked 'Before birth, Who am I?' The point of self enquiry is really to investigate (and this process of investigation consists of an earnest curiosity and inquisitiveness) and direct the mind to the Source. The Source which is prior to everything — thoughts, perceptions, etc. So that That which is what you truly are, the I AM prior to 'I am this' or 'I am that', can be directly realized in complete certainty without a trace of doubt.
Jesus said, “Before Abraham was, I AM”. That I AM that I AM is what's present five millennia ago, present five minutes ago, present Now, present before the koan is asked, in fact the original face before your parents were born, before the big bang, before time and space, before everything perceivable and conceivable.
The purpose of generating doubt is not to create endless doubt but to direct the mind to the Source so that the very doubt resolves into the Doubtless Self/Beingness that is revealed in its shining radiance. The doubt is itself the inquisitiveness and curiosity (an important key element to successful self-enquiry — otherwise the thought 'Who am I?' will just be a monotonous and robotic mental chanting like a mantra rather than lead the mind to the Source) to really find out the truth of your Being.
You have to ask 'Who am I?' like you really, really mean it, like you really, really want to find out what you truly are at the core of your Being and unlock the secret of Existence. Like, what the hell, after all these years living on this planet, what is at the core of this wondrous Life itself? What is this Existence? What am I??? I've seen many things in life and lived for so many years, but WHO is living this Life? Who is seeing, hearing, smelling? Who is dragging this corpse along? That's the meaning of doubt, nothing else.
To use an analogy of Ramana Maharshi, the doubt is the stick used for stirring the funeral pyre, to be finally dissolved in the end (into the Source).
'The mind will subside only by means of the enquiry "Who am I?". The thought "Who am I?", destroying all other thoughts, will itself finally be destroyed like the stick used for stirring the funeral pyre.' — Ramana Maharshi”
Someone else asked, “Why is 'before birth, what am I?' being advocated? Why would we assume we were anything 'before birth'?”
Soh replied: “Before any observable five senses or conceptual phenomena, what are you? There is a doubtless Presence before senses. But don’t intellectualize the question or ponder conceptually while enquiring. The purpose of self-enquiry is to have a direct non-conceptual realization of Self/Presence, so any conceptual rumination will be an obstruction during the practice of self-enquiring."
When the Body Disappears
"Remember 'con men,' 'con women' as well. These con men can sell you anything! There's one living in your mind right now, and you believe every word he says! His name is Thinking. When you let go of that inner talk and get silent, you get happy. Then when you let go of the movement of the mind and stay with the breath, you experience even more delight. Then when you let go of the body, all these five senses disappear and you're really blissing out. This is original Buddhism. Sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch completely vanish. This is like being in a sensory deprivation chamber but much better. But it's not just silence, you just don't hear anything. It's not just blackness, you just don't see anything. It's not just a feeling of comfort in the body, there is no body at all.
When the body disappears that really starts to feel great. You know of all those people who have out-of-body experiences? When the body dies, every person has that experience, they float out of the body. And one of the things they always say is it's so peaceful, so beautiful, so blissful. It's the same in meditation when the body disappears, it's so peaceful, so beautiful, so blissful when you are free from this body. What's left? Here there's no sight, sound, smell, taste, touch. This is what the Buddha called the mind in deep meditation. When the body disappears what is left is the mind.
I gave a simile to a monk the other night. Imagine an Emperor who is wearing a long pair of trousers and a big tunic. He's got shoes on his feet, a scarf around the bottom half of his head and a hat on the top half of his head. You can't see him at all because he's completely covered in five garments. It's the same with the mind. It's completely covered with sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. So people don't know it. They just know the garments. When they see the Emperor, they just see the robes and the garments. They don't know who lives inside them. And so it is no wonder they're confused about what is life, what is mind, who is this inside of here, where did I come from? Why? What am I supposed to be doing with this life? When the five senses disappear, it's like unclothing the Emperor and seeing what is actually in here, what's actually running the show, who's listening to these words, who's seeing, who's feeling life, who this is. When the five senses disappear, you're coming close to the answer to those questions.
What you're seeing in such deep meditation is that which we call "mind," (in Pali it's called Citta). The Buddha used this beautiful simile. When there is a full moon on a cloudy night, even though it's a full moon, you can hardly see it. Sometimes when the clouds are thin, you can see this hazy shape shining though. You know there is something there. This is like the meditation just before you've entered into these profound states. You know there is something there, but you can't quite make it out. There's still some "clothes" left. You're still thinking and doing, feeling the body or hearing sounds. But there does come a time, and this is the Buddha's simile, when the moon is released from the clouds and there in the clear night sky you can see the beautiful full disc of the moon shining brilliantly, and you know that's the moon. The moon is there; the moon is real, and it's not just some sort of side effect of the clouds. This is what happens in meditation when you see the mind. You see clearly that the mind is not some side effect of the brain. You see the mind, and you know the mind. The Buddha said that the mind released is beautiful, is brilliant, is radiant. So not only are these blissful experiences, they're meaningful experiences as well.
How many people may have heard about rebirth but still don't really believe it? How can rebirth happen? Certainly the body doesn't get reborn. That's why when people ask me where do you go when you die, "one of two places" I say "Fremantle or Karrakatta" that's where the body goes! [3] But is that where the mind goes? Sometimes people are so stupid in this world, they think the body is all there is, that there is no mind. So when you get cremated or buried that's it, that's done with, all has ended. The only way you can argue with this view is by developing the meditation that the Buddha achieved under the Bodhi tree. Then you can see the mind for yourself in clear awareness - not in some hypnotic trance, not in dullness - but in the clear awareness. This is knowing the mind
Knowing the Mind.
When you know that mind, when you see it for yourself, one of the results will be an insight that the mind is independent of this body. Independence means that when this body breaks up and dies, when it's cremated or when it's buried, or however it's destroyed after death, it will not affect the mind. You know this because you see the nature of the mind. That mind which you see will transcend bodily death. The first thing which you will see for yourself, the insight which is as clear as the nose on your face, is that there is something more to life than this physical body that we take to be me. Secondly you can recognise that that mind, essentially, is no different than that process of consciousness which is in all beings. Whether it's human beings or animals or even insects, of any gender, age or race, you see that that which is in common to all life is this mind, this consciousness, the source of doing.
Once you see that, you have much more respect for your fellow beings. Not just respect for your own race, your own tribe or your own religion, not just for human beings, but for all beings. It's a wonderfully high-minded idea. "May all beings be happy and well and may we respect all nations, all peoples, even all beings." However this is how you achieve that! You truly get compassion only when we see that others are fundamentally just as ourselves. If you think that a cow is completely different from you, that cows don't think like human beings, then it's easy to eat one. But can you eat your grandmother? She's too much like you. Can you eat an ant? Maybe you'd kill an ant because you think that ants aren't like you. But if you look carefully at ants, they are no different. In a forest monastery living out in the bush, close to nature, one of the things you become so convinced of is that animals have emotions and , especially, feel pain. You begin to recognise the personality of the animals, of the kookaburras, of the mice, the ants, and the spiders. Each one of those spiders has a mind just like you have. Once you see that you can understand the Buddha's compassion for all beings. You can also understand how rebirth can occur between all species - not just human beings to human beings, but animals to humans, humans to animals. You can understand also how the mind is the source of all this.
The mind can exist even without a body in the realms of ghosts and angels (what we call in Buddhism Devas). It becomes very clear to you how they exist, why they exist, what they are. These are insights and understandings which come from deep meditation. But more than that, when you know the nature of the mind then you know the nature of consciousness. You know the nature of stillness. You know the nature of life. You understand what makes this mind go round and round and round, what makes this mind seek rebirth. You understand the law of Kamma." - Ajahn Brahmavamso, https://www.budsas.org/ebud/ebmed065.htm
However, it should be noted that it is not necessary to enter certain states of meditation to shut off the five senses before realizing I AM. As Ramana Maharshi said before, it is not necessary to lose body consciousness to realize Self, although doing so simply intensifies the samadhi or absorption in Self.
Undoubtedly Present and Aware
“Right now, as you read this, you exist and you are aware that you exist. You are undoubtedly present and aware. Before the next thought arises, you are absolutely certain of the fact of your own being, your own awareness, your own presence. This awareness is what you are; it is what you always have been. All thoughts, perceptions, sensations and feelings appear within or upon that. This awareness does not move, change or shift at any time. It is always free and completely untouched. However, it is not a thing or an object that you can see or grasp. The mind, being simply thoughts arising in awareness, cannot grasp it or know it or even think about it. Yet, as Bob says, you cannot deny the fact of your own being. It is palpably obvious, and yet, from the time we were born, no one has pointed this out. Once it is pointed out it can be grasped or understood very quickly because it is just a matter of noticing, ‘Oh, that is what I am!’ It is a bright, luminous, empty, presence of awareness; it is absolutely radiant, yet without form; it is seemingly intangible, but the most solid fact in your existence; it is effortlessly here right now, forever untouched. Without taking a step, you have arrived; you are home. No practice can reveal this because practices are in time and in the mind. Practices aim at a result, but you (as presence-awareness) are here already, only you don’t recognize it till it is pointed out. Once seen, you can’t lose it, and you don’t have to practice to exist, to be. This is, in essence, what Bob pointed out to me in the first conversation I had with him.
Once I saw this, I felt very clear and free immediately. Later, some thoughts came up, some old personality patterns, some old definitions of who I thought myself to be. I seemed to lose the clear understanding of my nature as presence-awareness. The next day, I talked to Bob about it. He said, ‘Let’s have a look. Do you exist? Are you aware? What is illumining the thought that you have lost it?’ Then I realized that thoughts of suffering were only passing concepts being illumined by the ever-present awareness. I hadn’t lost anything at all. The awareness that we are is never obscured! Suffering seems real because we don’t have a clear understanding of our true nature. Instead, we believe the passing thoughts, such as ‘I am no good,’ ‘I am not there yet,’ ‘I am stuck’ or whatever the thought may be. Eventually we understand that we are not those thoughts. Once our real self is pointed out, the suffering loses its grip.
Bob pointed out that there is no person here at all. The person that we think we are is an imaginary concept. There are thoughts and feelings and perceptions, but they are not a problem. They just rise and fall like dust motes in the light of the presence-awareness that we are.
The closest that the mind can come to representing who we are is the thought ‘I am’. But that thought is not who we really are. Whether that thought is there or not, we still exist. We know the thought ‘I am’. That thought is the start of the false sense of an individual, a separate ‘I’. Because we didn’t know any better, the mind attached other labels to this ‘I’ thought, such as ‘I am good,’ ‘I am bad,’ ‘I have this problem,’ and so on. But those thoughts don’t have anything to do with us, because the very ‘I’ thought itself, the sense of separation, is not actually who we are. Once you see the falseness of the ‘I’ thought, that what we are is not an individual person at all, the identifications and ideas of a lifetime all collapse because they are all based on a false premise.” - John Wheeler
The Original Face
"What is the Original Face? It is the face all of us have before our parents gave birth to us. Before we even have the 6 sense organs of eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body & brain to perceive the 6 sense objects of form, sound, smell, taste, feeling & thought. Before we even know good & evil, happiness & suffering, samsara & nirvana. Simply the pure awareness untainted by all 6 senses - that is the real YOU. That is also me, that is also all sentient beings & all Buddhas.
This is the Dharma that the 6th Patriarch revealed to his pursuer Hui Ming on Da Yu mountain. By temporarily shutting down your 6 sense organs and blocking out the 6 sense objects, by abandoning duality, what is left at that instant is your true nature. Like the still lake without a single ripple, or like the clear blue sky without a single cloud; the original face is vast, limitless, formless & completely free. It is not dull nothingness like an unconscious person, but a living, unmoving awareness that pervades all things, yet remaining unaffected by all things. Besides this, there is no other esoteric teachings that the Buddha & the Patriarchs can impart to us.
But alas, for all of us, after we have picked up a physical body in our mother's womb, we have totally forgotten our original face. We started to grasp on to our sense organs, believing that to be our Self, our Ego. This is where the ignorance without a beginning - Avijja takes over. When our sense organs contact the sense objects, we instinctively allow the objects to enslave the organs, such that craving & aversion develops without an end, engulfing the entire universe. From Avijja arises craving & aversion, & from craving & aversion arises endless suffering.
Thus realizing this, the Zen practitioner should, in a single thought understand his or her own mistake, & immediately detach oneself from one's senses & its objects from within. Throwing away all concepts, directly penetrate the veil of Avijja & recover your original face. This is the common hope of all Buddhas & Patriarchs for all sentient beings. Let none of us disappoint them, Sadhu." - Wayne
Observing the Mind (Hua-tou)
"The answer underlying the word 'Who' is the Mind. Speech arises from the Mind; the Mind is the head [source] of speech. Thoughts arise from the Mind; the Mind is the head [source] of thoughts. The ten thousand dharmas [all phenomena] are born from the Mind; the Mind is the head [source] of all dharmas.
Actually, the 'head of speech' (Hua-tou) is the 'head of thought.' The head preceding the thought is the Mind. To put it directly: the state before a single thought arises is the Hua-tou.
From this, you and I know that 'looking into the Hua-tou' is 'observing the Mind' (Guan-xin). The 'Original Face before one's parents were born' is the Mind. To look into the 'Original Face before one's parents were born' is to contemplate the Mind...
Therefore, saying 'Look into the Hua-tou,' or saying 'Look into Who is reciting the Buddha's name?', is simply observing/contemplating the Mind. It is observing the pure essence of awareness of one's own Mind; it is observing the Self-nature Buddha." - Ch'an Master Hsu Yun (Source)
Hua-tou and the Sensation of Doubt
"To look at the Hua-tou, one must first generate the sensation of doubt (Yi-qing). The sensation of doubt is the walking stick for looking at the Hua-tou. What is the sensation of doubt? For example, asking 'Who is reciting the Buddha's name?' Everyone knows it is oneself reciting. But ask yourself: Is it reciting with the mouth? Or reciting with the mind? If it is with the mouth, when you are asleep you still have a mouth, so why can't it recite?...
Therefore, you do not understand. A slight thought of doubt then arises on the word 'Who.' It should not be coarse; the subtler the better. At all times and places, simply take care of and fixate on this thought of doubt. Look at it continuously like flowing water, without giving rise to a second thought. If the doubt-thought is present, do not disturb it; if the doubt-thought is absent, gently raise it again." - Ch'an Master Hsu Yun (Source)
Also See: Self-Enquiry, Neti Neti and Process of Discovery
What is your very Mind right now?
Self-Enquiry: Before Thinking, What Are You?
Hi Soh, I have been reading up on self-enquiry on the Awakening to Reality website and in the guide.
Several times, when explaining how to do self-enquiry, you say that “non-conceptual and non-verbal exploration/investigation” is the key to self-enquiry. But you do not explain exactly what that means or how to do it. Could you define it?
It means that you examine and investigate what you are before thinking.
Before thinking, what are you?
You do not find the answer in words. All words miss the point; they are precisely what you are not. You negate all conceivable and perceivable phenomena as neti neti — not this, not that. I am not these thoughts, nor any perceivable phenomena.
So what are you?
In the past, there was a master who contemplated, “What is the original face before my parents were born?” He contemplated for many years but did not awaken. Later, he encountered a great noble person and requested compassionate guidance.
The noble one asked, “What koan did you contemplate?”
He replied, “I contemplated: what is the original face before my parents were born?”
The noble one replied, “You contemplated too far away. You should look nearby.”
He asked, “How should I look nearby?”
The noble one replied, “Do not look into what is before your parents were born. Instead, look at this: before a thought arises, what is it?”
The Zen practitioner immediately attained great awakening.
Everyone sitting here, please look: before a moment of thought arises, what is this? It is radiating light in front of everybody’s sense doors. Its brightness illuminates everything, yet it is without the slightest clinging. Nothing is known and nothing is seen, yet it is not like wood and stones. What is this?
It is right here, shining in its brilliance. This is awakening to the Way. Therefore it is said, “The great Way is not difficult; just cease speech and words!”
- Yuan Yin Lao Ren
The knee-jerk answer for many people, when asked what they are before thinking, is: “Oh, nothing.”
But you are clearly not a void or nothingness. You are clearly still conscious, present, existing, and aware. What exactly is that?
If thought says, “Oh, Awareness!” that is just another thought — and again, precisely not what you are.
So you keep investigating, non-verbally, what you actually are before all words, definitions, thoughts, and labels. Before all conceivable and perceivable phenomena, what are you actually?
This is also helpful:
What is your very Mind right now?
Do read it in its entirety.
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